Genesis 37:1-11 · Joseph’s Dreams
Family Survival
Genesis 37:1-11
Sermon
by Stephen DeFur
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This morning I want to spend a few moments talking about families. And to do that, I want us to look at a family in the Bible. It is the family of the Old Testament character, Joseph. Joseph's family was an imperfect one much like yours and mine. So we start with Genesis, Chapter 37, verse 1.

"Joseph, being seventeen years old, was shepherding the flock with his brothers; he was a helper to the sons of Bihah and Zilpah, his father's wives. And Joseph had brought a bad report of them to their father."

Israel, Joseph's father, is also known to us as Jacob. Two different names, same character. Israel loved Joseph more than any other of his children because he was the son of his old age. Israel had made Joseph a long robe with sleeves--or as some translations put it, a heavily ornamented robe. When Joseph's brothers saw that their father loved him more than he loved them, they hated Joseph and could not speak peaceably to him.

"Once, Joseph had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers, they hated him even more. He said to them, "˜Listen to this dream that I have dreamed. There we were, binding sheaves in the field. Suddenly, my sheaf rose and stood upright. Then your sheaves gathered around it and bowed down to my sheaf.'

"His brothers said to him, "˜Are you indeed to reign over us? Are you indeed to have dominion over us?' So they hated him even more because of his dreams and his words.

"He had a second dream and told it to his brothers, saying, "˜I have had another dream. The sun, the moon and eleven stars were bowing down to me.' But when he told it to his father and to his brothers, his father rebuked him and said to him, "˜What kind of dream is this that you have had? Shall we indeed come, I and your mother and your brothers, and bow down to the ground before you?' So his brothers were jealous of him, but his father kept this matter in mind."

We'll stop the story right there for now, because we want to talk for a few moments about the robe. The robe is an expression of a father's love and affection for his child. The robe says this child is special, prized and valued by me.

When a child learns that he will never wear the robe, never light up his father or mother's eyes, something inside that child dies. When the robe is handed out to only one child and withheld from the others as an act of favoritism, that sets in motion forces of hostility and jealousy and envy that will destroy the family relationship that is so precious to God.

This is the story of a family with several children and one big problem--and that problem is not unique to this family. How many of you either come from or are involved in families with more than one child? Raise your hands, would you please? Have you ever noted a hint of sibling rivalry?

John Ortberg tells about reading a book not too long ago about sibling rivalry. It talks about how often when parents bring home a new child, they have this kind of naive expectation that the kids who are already part of the family will just welcome the new child in and feel very happy for years and years about the arrival of this new life.

The authors try to explain how it feels to a child when a new life enters into that family. They give an exercise that I'd like to offer to you for a moment.

Imagine for a moment that you are a wife . . . and your spouse comes up to you one day, puts his arms around your waist and says, "Honey, you're so wonderful and I love you so much. I've decided to have a new wife--another wife just like you!" That new wife comes to be a part of the family and she's real cute! She's adorable. When the three of you go out in public, other people . . . strangers, stop you and they look at the new wife. They talk about how beautiful she is. "You're just beautiful," they say to the new wife. Then they turn to you and they say, "And what do you think about the new wife?"

Then one day your spouse goes into your room, into your closet, and begins taking your clothes out of there, because the new wife needs some new clothes. You protest! You say, "No! Those are my clothes." Your husband says, "Well, they were, but you're bigger than you used to be. You've put on weight. Those clothes are kind of tight on you, but they'll fit the new wife just great! Let's give them to her!" (1)

It's another way of thinking about it, isn't it? Yet, somehow this comes as a total surprise to every generation of parents.

What we have going on here is not an unusual problem. It happens in every family, but this is not just run-of-the-mill sibling rivalry. Joseph, we're told by the writer of the text, was the son of Jacob's old age. He was Jacob's favorite. You know how that works. When the other boys of the family would walk into the room where Jacob was, he might ask them how their work was going or how the flocks were doing.

When Joseph walked into the room, their dad's eyes would light up. His face would glow. When they were out in public, Joseph was the one their dad bragged about. On trips, Joseph was the one that Jacob would address, "Look at this sight, Joseph."

Joseph got to stay up later, play longer, work less and get away with more than any of the rest of them. In a hundred ways, in ways that most parents are not even aware of but kids can smell a mile off, Jacob's favoritism for Joseph just leaked out of him, until one day it took a very concrete form. Jacob gave Joseph a robe--a very famous robe. The Hebrew word to describe it is a little uncertain. It's translated "long sleeves" in my Bible. The old King James is maybe the most famous--it calls it "the coat of many colors."

Jacob bought it at Saks. It was hand-tailored. The rest of the boys got their clothes off the rack from K-Mart when the blue light was flashing.

What made this business about the robe so explosive was not just that it was more expensive or nicer material. In those days, as is true for most of the history of the human race, clothing was an expression of status.

This robe marked Joseph off as his father's pet! This was a visible, in-your-face expression of raw favoritism. Every time Joseph wears the robe, it's a reminder to his brothers that they will never be loved by their father they way Joseph is. Every time he wears the robe, they die a little inside. That beautiful robe becomes a death shroud for this family.

The text says in verse 4, "But when his brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers, they hated . . ." Now, the question is, who are they going to hate? Who are they going to get angry at? Who's at fault in this story? Who's the person that's done something wrong? It's the father, isn't it? It's Jacob--he's the one who played favorites! He's the one who gave away the robe! But it doesn't say they grew angry with their father. It says they got angry with Joseph.

The writer of the Bible here is profoundly accurate about the way favoritism and jealousy work. They don't get angry at their father--maybe because they don't want to face up to the truth, which is that their father loves them with a kind of inadequate love. That would hurt too much, so they take it out on Joseph. They could not speak peaceably to him, the Bible says. The peace--the shalom is broken and shattered, because each time the brothers see the robe, they die just a little bit inside.

Now, we know what this did to the brothers, but what effect did it have on Joseph? Interestingly, the writer doesn't say much about his character at this point. But anybody here want to guess that maybe he grew up just a little bit spoiled? We see from the third verse that he was a helper to some of the sons of his father, and he would bring bad reports about some of them. Being the favorite damages the one being favored just as it damages those who are not favored.

Joseph had a dream one day, and he gathered his brothers, who have no robes, who have been desperately hurt by his father, and who hate his guts. If you have siblings, for a moment I'd like you to imagine doing what Joseph did. I'd like you to imagine when you and your siblings were growing up, calling them all together and saying, "Listen, brothers and sisters, I have had a dream and in my dream we were binding sheaves together. And then my sheaves stood up tall and yours were all smaller and bowed down to me. This means one day I'll rule over all of you. I'll command you and you'll submit.

You'll bow down in humble expression of your obedience to my authority, the authority of me, your brother. Isn't that cool? Aren't you really happy for me? In fact, let's play "˜bow down sheaf' right now to get ready."

The writer makes his brothers' response to Joseph very clear. Look at these verses with me, verse 4: "But when his brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers, they hated him and could not speak peaceably to him."

Verse 5: "Once Joseph had a dream and when he told it to them, they hated him even more."

Verse 8: "His brothers said to him, "˜Are you indeed to reign over us? Are you indeed to have dominion over us?' So they hated him even more because of his dreams and his words."

What's the word that keeps popping up? HATE. Hatred infects the community, the family.

Verse 9 says that Joseph had another dream. You'd think that by now, if he had any sense at all, he would have learned to keep his dreams to himself. But oh no, he brings all of his brothers together. "I've had another dream and you're going to love this more than the first one. He even brings his father and mother in on this one. This time it's the sun and the moon and eleven stars bowing down."

Take a look at verse 11: "So his brothers were jealous of him . . . "

Even though three times the writer has talked about hatred, at the climax of this part of the story, he finally introduces the word that feeds the hostility--it's the word "jealous."

Jealousy leads to resentment and hatred and the destruction of community. Jealousy is one of the hardest of all sins to admit. How often do you hear someone admit to that one? But it is universal, isn't it?

Mass confession time. I'll ask you to raise your hand on this one. If you have at any point in your life ever envied someone else's:

  • car
  • physique
  • marriage
  • children
  • grandchildren

If you have ever wished you had someone else's:

*

skin

*

hair

*

anyone else's hair If you have ever envied someone else's:

*

salary

*

success

*

beauty

*

wardrobe

*

education

*

temperament

*

golf swing

*

humility

please raise your hand. This is real serious . . . because jealousy causes people to do evil things. Friends, you go back to the very beginning of the Bible, and where there should have been brotherhood, this expression of community that's so precious to God, it was destroyed by envy.

Envy is why Cain killed Abel. God starts again after the Fall with Abraham because he's going to build a new community, so he starts with these families, the family of Abraham. Abraham has two sons, Isaac and Ishmael, and they're torn apart by rivalry. Then Isaac has two sons, Jacob and Esau, and they are torn apart by envy. Then Jacob has twelve sons, Joseph and his brothers, and their relationship is destroyed by envy.

Envy is why Saul tried to kill David. It's just right through the Bible and runs right through to our day. It destroys community--it destroys hearts--and I guarantee you, friends, it works in your heart and it works in mine.

One day, Joseph's brothers are gone with the flock, and amazingly enough, Jacob, who is so blind, sends Joseph to check on his brothers. They have a murderous hatred for Joseph, and Jacob is so unaware of what's going on in the family, he can't even see it. So he naively sends Joseph far away from his protection to these brothers who lay in wait. When parents are unobservant of the kinds of things that Jacob was trapped in, they can do so much damage.

Looks at verse 18. Joseph goes to check on his brothers, and the text says, "They saw him from a distance." They saw him a long way off, the implication being that they knew who it was even though they couldn't see his face. But how? The robe. Verse 19, "They said to one another, "Here comes this dreamer." Notice that they didn't say, "Here comes Joseph" or "Here comes our brother," they say, "Here comes the dreamer."

Again, the writer shows great wisdom here. When you envy someone, you don't think of them as a person. You don't think of them as someone's son or daughter. You don't think of them as a brother or a sister. You reduce them down to the one who possesses what it is that you envy.

"Here comes the one who has the dream that we will never have." "Here comes the one who is our father's favorite that we will never be." "Here comes this arrogant, would-be ruler." "Let's kill him and throw him into one of those cisterns and say that a ferocious animal devoured him. Then we'll see what comes of his dreams," verse 20.

Now, notice this . . . It's a very important part of the story. Joseph's brothers have a very legitimate grievance. They have a legitimate complaint. They have been denied a father's undivided love. They have a very real hole in their heart. They have not received the kind of love from a father that they needed to receive, but their solution is to destroy Joseph. That's what envy tries to do. This is exactly what envy says.

Someone once wrote, "Envy says, "˜I want what someone else has. I want it and I'll do whatever I can to get it. But if I cannot have what I want, I don't want anyone else to have it either. If somebody does, I will destroy them! Either in reality or at least in my heart . . . I'll undermine them, I'll want to believe bad things about them, I will listen to slander and gossip about them, and I will spread it all around, maybe in real subtle ways so I don't look unspiritual, but I will do it!'"

It happens here in our lesson! It happens in families. It happens in small groups. It happens in churches and it will kill community. To the extent to which you find yourself engaged in that kind of behavior and letting envy have free reign in your life, it will destroy you and destroy community around you and, friends, it's got to stop!

"They decided to destroy Joseph," verse 23, "so when Joseph came to his brothers, they stripped him of his robe and they took him and threw him into the pit." Finally, they are rid of the hated robe. Ultimately, the story tells us that instead of killing him, they decided to sell him into slavery, make some profit off of it, not be guilty of shedding his blood. Then they take the robe and dip it in goat's blood and take it to their father. They tell him that Joseph had been devoured by an animal and killed.

It is their jealousy that leads them to deceive their father. One of the great ironies of this story is that in the end, the brothers are no closer to their father than when the story began. They hadn't won the love of Jacob; they had only lost their brother.

Permit me to make a few applications. First of all, all families are imperfect. Here's a good example. Did you ever notice how photo albums tend to be different for different kids in the family based on their birth order? Parents pull out the photo album for their first child. Here's Michael when he was being born. Here's Mike when he was one hour old. Just go through pictures like that . . . pull out another book--here's Mike's second day, a whole book just crammed full of pictures of his second day.

Then they go to another book--child number two. Here's Pat being born. Here's Pat's second day. Here's Pat walking--just kind of the high points of Pat's life.

Then the third book--the third child comes along. Here's Amy being born. Here's Amy's first day of school. Here's Amy graduating.

Then the fourth one--the last kid, open that book. Here's Ben being born . . . we've got to get some more pictures of Ben!

All of us have some dings from imperfect families, but most folks in this room have some real deep hurts. I want to speak in these moments to three categories of people.

1. Some of you have never worn the robe. Some of you have never received the kind of affirmation and love from your parents that you longed to. You never had the sense of being prized and valued.

Maybe you were in a contest with a real high achiever in your family and no matter what you did you couldn't study hard enough, run fast enough or jump high enough.

Maybe you were in a family with a real beauty queen and you felt like you were the plain one. Maybe for reasons you still don't understand, but you never wore the robe.

I think there are a few things you need to hear today. The first one is this . . . for those of you who never wore the robe, I believe you need at some point in your life, hopefully now if it hasn't happened yet, you just need to acknowledge the hurt. You just need to come face-to-face with the pain and the hurt of never having worn the robe.

I believe that under the brothers' hatred of Joseph was hurt at not being loved by their father. They weren't loved by Jacob--that's what was underneath the hatred. It was just easier to express hatred than hurt!

If it is possible for you, and maybe it's not, but if it is possible . . . you may want to approach members of your family--your parents or your brothers and sisters and acknowledge the pain of the love that you longed for. Maybe they have felt the truth of what you say. Maybe they need the chance to apologize and try to start over. Maybe things look totally different to them, and you need to hear about that, but that could be a chance for reconciliation. So for those of you who never wore the robe, you've got to acknowledge the hurt!

The second thing, if you never wore the robe, you need to learn to receive love and acceptance. Find friendships with people who offer you that kind of love--people who will love you for being you. Get around them on a regular basis and receive that kind of affirmation and love, especially from God.

I would like to challenge you to make this verse your own, I John 3:1: "See what love the Father has given us that we should be called children of God. And that is what we are."

2. Second Category, some of you wore the robe. You were in Joseph's position--you were the favorite of your mom or your dad or maybe even both. Maybe you were an only child, and the family just kind of revolved around you.

Some of you in this category were damaged too. More subtle damage maybe--more fun damage probably, but you grew up with the need to be the big sheaf! When somebody else comes along who is smarter than you or more powerful or more attractive, you don't like it. You want to be the one who wears the robe. You don't feel special without it--you become insensitive to the way that your power and status affects others. "Listen to me. Listen to my dream!" you're tempted to say, and you leave a trail of wounded hearts behind you, and underneath there is fear that you might lose your favorite position, and then who would you be?

If this is you, maybe you need to get involved in things where you're not the center of attention--where you're not the one who holds all the power. Maybe you need to seek opportunities where you can do nothing but serve--maybe spend time in a ministry where you can simply rejoice in the ordinary.

3. Third category. I want to say a few words to parents. Parents rarely talk about this issue of favoritism . . . we read it in scripture . . . it happened for Jacob, happens for Isaac, happens over and over. And I'll bet you virtually every parent here with more than one child wrestles with feelings of favoritism. I have a 2 1/2 and a 5-month-old and I already catch myself falling into the trap. You maybe have never talked to anyone about it--maybe you don't want to even acknowledge it to yourself, but you have a child who speaks to your heart in a way that another does not.

And very often it works like this--I tend to favor whichever child is most like who? Most like me. That's kind of a disturbing thing when you think about it . . . because what that says is what I really think deep down inside of me, is that the more somebody is loveable the more they are like (pause) me. Which means I must be the most lovable person in all the universe, because I love someone to the extent that they are like me. And to the extent that they are different from me, I have a harder time loving them.

Maybe your heart goes out to the child who achieves the most, who makes you really proud, or your heart goes out to the child who expresses affection most easily to you. Or maybe it goes the other way (pause). Maybe your heart goes out to the underdog in your little flock.

Parents, there are very few issues in your family's life that are more important than dealing with this one head-on, whatever age your children are, because I guarantee you . . . they're aware of it.

I heard a real important principle this week that will profoundly affect my parenting. It's not original with me, but I think a real helpful principle in dealing with kids: Children don't need to be treated equally, but they need to be treated uniquely.

What if Zebulon, who was one of Jacob's twelve sons, had come to Jacob one day and said, "Do you love me as much as you love Joseph, Dad? Do you love me that much?" And what if Jacob had just stopped whatever he was doing and taken Zebulon into his arms . . . held him on his lap . . . and said, "You're my only Zebulon. Nobody else has your Zebulon little thoughts or your Zebulon smile or your Zebulon personality or your name--and I'm so glad you belong to me. I can't imagine doing life without you, Zebulon. I love you because you're the only you in the whole world, and I get to be your dad."

Can you imagine how this story would have turned out differently if Jacob had loved like that--if he had gotten twelve little robes instead of one? You see, the truth is . . . every child bears the image of God and every child that you see is counted by God precious enough to be worth the life His son sacrificed on the cross.

If I could love as well as God loves, I'd see it in each person as clearly as God sees it --and my job with my children as their father is to learn to see it . . .

  • the wonder of God's love
  • God's image
  • The death of Christ for them
  • Their value to God . . . to learn to see it--see their uniqueness and reflect the wonder of it back to them. That's our job as parents. (2)

Last word and then we're done. If you're feeling depressed because your family was not perfect, is not perfect, then hear this . . . The Bible is the story of God's building of his dream of community. That's what it was about at the very beginning when he created human beings male and female. He wanted people in His image to know oneness.

It starts with Adam and Eve, and then the Fall comes . . . begins again with Israel. At the heart of God's attempt to build community in Genesis is the story of the family . . . Adam and Eve and their family, Abraham and Sarah and their family, Isaac, Rebekah and their family and so on.

You'd kind of figure, at least I would, that the families that God starts with are going to be great. He chooses them--he tutors them himself. You'd think these would be great families.

Now, consider the siblings in the early pages of the Bible (pause). Cain versus Abel, Isaac versus Ishmael, Esau versus Jacob, Joseph versus his brothers--every one of them an utter disaster! But God just kept working. God didn't give up on any of those families. And God finally sent Jesus to restore the peace--the shalom--the well-being of community.

Jesus knows all about robes. In John 13:11, we're told that in this little community that Jesus was a part of, where shalom was often broken, there was a lot of rivalry and envy and "who's going to be number one?" One day, John 13:11 says, Jesus took off his robe, put a towel around his arm, took a basin of water and washed the feet of his friends. Jesus knew about robes. We're told in Matthew 27:18 that Pilate knew why the religious leaders handed Jesus over to him. Because of envy! Pilate knew it was because of jealousy they handed over Jesus. They gave him to the soldiers. Matthew

27:28 says, "And they put a scarlet robe on him, like a king would wear, and a crown made of thorns on his head, and they mocked him saying, "˜Hail Jesus, king of the Jews.'" Then Matthew 27:31 says, "After mocking him, they stripped him of his robe, and they lead him away to crucify him, and they said, "˜Now we'll see what comes of him and his dreams!'"

And we shall, because Jesus knows all about robes. Maybe you didn't get to wear the robe in your family. Maybe you never will in this life, but Revelation 3:18 talks about a white robe that God has for every one of his children. When that day comes, when those robes are handed out, there'll be no jealousy, no division, because we'll all have one.

The day is coming as surely as this day is here, when you and I will wear the robe made for us by God that expresses an infinite amount of love and value and prizing that God has poured out on each of us. Then we will know what it means to be loved and held and prized for eternity by our Father, because in God's family . . . everybody wears a robe!


Adapted from John Ortberg, Willow Creek Community Church.

1. Ibid.

2. Stephen DeFur is Associate Pastor of the Cokesbury United Methodist Church, Knoxville, Tennessee.

by Stephen DeFur