The soloist had laryngitis. The flower girl was ill with pneumonia. The ring bearer had an accident in his blue-velvet pants just before the ceremony, and the mother-of-the-bride left her dress at home by mistake.
Things continued to go downhill after the ceremony. It was the coldest day in Maryland in 20 years The newlyweds, Melissa and Tim Donnelly, had borrowed a 1941 Cadillac to ride away in. It got stuck in the ice in the church parking lot, so Melissa stuffed her gown into the back seat of a two-door compact car. The severe cold caused the water main at the reception hall to break, so the toilets functioned only because the reception line was turned into a bucket brigade.
But that's not all. In the apartment just below the reception hall, the resident had gone out of town and left his oven on in order to keep his boa constrictor from getting cold. So Tim and Melissa wrapped up their reception in a grand finale with the building on fire. Of course there was a blizzard on their honeymoon, which trapped them at the resort. But they figured if they survived their wedding, they could survive anything. (1)
You thought your wedding was full of glitches! You got off easy.
Taken literally, our text for today is about the resurrection of the dead. And that's good. We need to talk about life beyond the grave. But it also gives us an opportunity to say something important about marriage.
Jesus was responding to a group of Sadducees who had come to him with a question. It was a trick question about the resurrection of the dead. We know it was a trick question because the Sadducees didn't even believe in the resurrection of the dead. Their question went something like this: "Teacher, Moses wrote that if a man's brother dies, leaving a wife but no children, he shall marry the widow and raise his brother's children. Now there were seven brothers; the first married, and died childless; then the second and the third married her, and so in the same way all seven died childless. Finally the woman also died. In the resurrection, therefore, whose wife will the woman be? For she had been married to all seven men."
My guess is that she would be tired of all of them--but what a question! She had been married to all seven brothers. To whom would she be married in heaven?
Here is how Jesus answered their question, "Those who belong to this age marry and are given in marriage; but those who are considered worthy of a place in that age and in the resurrection from the dead neither marry nor are given in marriage. Indeed they cannot die anymore, because they are like angels and are children of God, being children of the resurrection."
Did you get all that? Yes, there is a heaven; however, there is no marriage in heaven. That settles that. We will recognize one another. We will love one another and we will love God like we have never loved before. But there will be no need for marriage.
It's amazing how few details there are in Scripture about life beyond the grave. What kind of body will we have? Paul says in I Corinthians that it will be a new spiritual body, but what's that? What will heaven be like?
There was a beautiful little story in Daily Guideposts 2001 about a little girl named Hannah. When Hannah's cat named Billy died, she didn't know how to express her feelings of sadness. She drew pictures of Billy almost every week in Sunday School class. Hannah's teacher, Shari Smyth, recognized that these pictures were a part of Hannah's grieving process, and she encouraged the child to share them. One child who seemed particularly respectful of Hannah's pictures was 10-year-old Jonathon.
Tragically, a few weeks after Billy the Cat's death, little Jonathon died suddenly of a brain aneurysm. The next Sunday in class, Shari encouraged the children to talk about Jonathon's death and to draw pictures of Heaven. Hannah's picture featured a stick-figure boy with a small cat. As she handed the paper to her teacher, she said, "I gave Billy to Jonathon so he has his own pet up there. " (2)
Some of you have pets that are like members of your family. Do our beloved pets go to heaven? Who knows? Amazingly, we know very little about life beyond the grave. But we do know this--there is no marriage there.
Now, there's probably at least one cynic in the house who's thinking, "Thank God." Not everybody has a great marriage.
It's like the young bride who called her pastor three weeks after her wedding day.
"Pastor," she wailed, "George and I had a dreadful fight!"
"Calm down, my child," said the pastor, "it's not half as bad as you think it is. Every marriage has to have its first fight!"
"I know, I know!" said the young woman, "but what am I going to do with the body?"
So not everybody has a great experience with marriage. But still marriage is the norm. Most of us do it--regardless of warnings from our parents and friends.
Prognosticators are constantly predicting the death of marriage as an institution. They're wrong. A poll in the L. A. Times of 2,000 adults revealed that the overwhelming majority of single adults, when asked about their main goal in life, responded "to be happily married." (3)
Let's face it, most people get married. In the second chapter in the Bible God says, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner." (Gen 2:18) Most of us need a marriage partner. Not everybody, of course. Some people will be content to spend their lives single. Some people want a partner, but they never find that one relationship that lasts a lifetime. People have different needs and different circumstances, but most of us dislike the idea of being alone. There are biological reasons, social reasons and even spiritual reasons for marriage. That is why marriage will always be around.
Even when a spouse dies, most people eventually hope to find another partner. There's no disloyalty there. Notice that it was assumed in this story that the Sadducees used to try to trick Jesus that a widow would remarry. In fact, the husband's brothers had a duty to marry his widow. How else would she be provided for? It's a personal decision, of course, but one should never apologize for remarrying after the death of a spouse. Scripturally, God has given His blessing to it. (Some of you are thinking, "Now, if only the children would give their blessing . . .")
Life is complicated, and sometimes painful. That is undoubtedly one reason God has given us marriage--to give us someone to help us share life's burdens. Marriage is the norm for most people.
But a good marriage takes a lot of work. That's the secret we never tell our children. Good marriages require constant maintenance.
Author and radio host Armstrong Williams tells about overhearing a conversation between two women in a grocery store. While flipping through bridal magazines, one woman commented to the other that she had already picked out her wedding dress, the church for the ceremony, all the details. Only one ingredient was missing for the perfect day: the groom. This woman admitted that she had been married four times, but this time she was going to do it right. As Williams wrote, ". . . she was not talking about the marriage, she was talking about the wedding!" She had put so much thought into creating the perfect wedding, but seemingly had given no thought at all into what makes a great marriage. (4)
A great marriage takes a lot of work. I wonder if most people are ready for the commitment of marriage. [That is one reason I ask couples to meet with me several times before the wedding--so we can examine whether they are prepared.]
Studies show that longer engagement periods make for better marriages. The longer a couple dates and is engaged, the better chance they have for a solid marriage. A longer courtship means getting to know one another better before it is too late. Shorter courtship times usually result in a greater likelihood of divorce. (5)
I hope some of you young people are listening. When we are young we sometimes rush into relationships. All those hormones are bubbling and we can't wait to get started. I have never had a couple say to me that they wish they had gotten married sooner. Invariably they will say that they wish they had waited a little longer. A good marriage takes work. And a good marriage also requires constant, honest communication. You knew I was going to say that. Good communication in marriage has become a cliche, but it is also a necessity. I ran across a fascinating study. Researchers and pollsters interviewed 1,000 married people to discover their ability to communicate and connect with one another. One of the most surprising findings of the study was that some people don't share many of their most intimate feelings with their significant other. For instance, 38% of the men in the study wanted more affection from their wives--not sex, but simple affection--but didn't know how to ask for it. Thirty percent of men wanted to talk to their wives about faith and spiritual issues, but they didn't. Twenty-six percent of men and women polled wanted partners who would "ask me questions about myself." Twenty percent of people polled admitted that they held a secret dream--such as living in a foreign country, or becoming a nightclub singer, or changing careers--that they had not shared with their spouse. (6)
"Ships passing in the night." Neither aware of the other's deepest needs and fondest dreams. That's all right among strangers, but between husbands and wives it is sad and sometimes deadly.
A good marriage takes work. It takes good communication. And a good marriage is helped, most of all, by a shared commitment to God. You and I need help making a marriage stand the test of time. God's help. We need God's help to have the kind of patience and understanding that every marriage requires. We need God's help in maintaining fidelity and in being sensitive to the needs of our marriage partner. We need God's help in raising children and meeting all the responsibilities that go with family life. That is why, if we are wise, we will look, first of all, for someone with a godly heart with whom to share our lives.
Over the Internet came a poem written by a teenage girl who was looking for a husband. It was written as a prayer, and this is what she said:
Dear God, I pray all unafraid
As girls are wont to be
I do not want a handsome man
But make him, Lord, like Thee.
I do not need one big and strong
nor yet so very tall,
Nor need he be some genius
or wealthy, Lord, at all;
But let his head be high, dear God,
and let his eye be clear,
His shoulders straight, whate'er his fate
whate'er his earthly sphere.
And let his face have character,
a ruggedness of soul,
And let his whole life show, dear God,
a singleness of goal.
And when he comes as he will come
With quiet eyes aglow
I'll know, dear Lord, that he's the man
I prayed for long ago. (7)
That girl's name was Ruth Bell, and she later met and married the Reverend
Billy Graham. It's not so important that you ask God to provide you with a spouse. What you need to pray about is what kind of a person that future husband or wife will be. Couples who are committed to God will be committed to one another.
In an old Peanuts cartoon, Charlie Brown says to his friend, "My Grandpa and Gramma have been married for 50 years!"
The friend replies, "They're lucky, aren't they?"
Charlie Brown answers. "Gramma says it isn't luck--it's skill!" (8)
To a great extent, his Gramma is right. Great marriages don't just happen. They require work, they require communication, they require a shared commitment to God. "It is not good," says God, "for man to be alone."
1. Reprinted from the article "Wedding Wackiness," Marriage Partnership magazine (Summer 1999), published by Christianity Today International, Carol Stream, Illinois.
2. Shari Smyth. p. 315.
3. Ed Young, Romancing The Home--How to Have a Marriage That Sizzles (Nashville: Broadman & Holman, 1993).
4. Armstrong Williams, Beyond Blame (New York: The Free Press, 1995), pp. 64-65.
5. Neil Clark Warren in Finding The Love of Your Life. Cited in Bill Hybels, Making Life Work (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1998), p. 115.
6. "How Honest Are Couples Really?" Louis Lague, Reader's Digest, Aug. 2001, pp. 90-91.
7. The Timothy Report, Copyright ©) 2002 Swan Lake Communications, http://www.swanlake.twoffice.com.
8. 1000 Windows: A Speaker's Sourcebook of Illustrations, edited by Robert C. Shannon, Standard Publishing, 1984.