1 Corinthians 13:1-13 · Love
Love: The Happiness of a Godly Family
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Sermon
by James Merritt
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Thomas Jefferson could truly say, "Been there, done that, now what?" He was Ambassador to France, the first Secretary of State, a Vice President, the President of the United States, founder of a major university, author of the greatest political document in history, a multi-faceted inventor, architect, author, farmer, and scholar. He was perhaps the most brilliant man ever to occupy the White House. He was present at the signing of the Declaration of Independence; he attended the second Continental Congress; he oversaw the purchase of over one-third of America.

But of all the things that Thomas Jefferson had done, of all the places he had seen, and of all the people he had met, he made this statement: "The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family."1

Home and happiness should go together, and they do if love is in that home. Home is the laboratory where the most potent mixture of love should be found every day. Far better for a family to die without food, than to live without love. Love not only makes the world go 'round, but it makes the home stand strong.

Hal David and Burt Bacharach are familiar names to music lovers all over America. They were in the 60s and 70s what Rogers and Hammerstein were in the 40s and 50s.

David wrote the lyrics and Bacharach wrote the melodies to such well-known pieces as "I Say a Little Prayer for You," "Close to You," "One Less Bell to Answer," and the Academy Award-winning "Rain-drops Keep Fallin' on My Head."

But they wrote one song that captured the heart of America perhaps more than any other because it perfectly illustrated our loneliness and hunger for real love:

What the world needs now is love,sweet love,
No not just for some but for everyone;

Lord, we don't need another mountain,
There are mountains and hillsides enough to climb,
There are oceans and rivers enough to cross...
Enough to last 'til the end of time.

What the world needs now is love, sweet love,
No not just for some, but for everyone
It's the only thing that there's just too little of.2

Well, not only does the world need love, but the home needs love. But neither one of them need the kind of mushy, fickle, wimpy, conditional love that's seen in Hollywood movies, soap operas, and romantic novels. It needs the kind of love that Paul describes in the 13th Chapter of I Corinthians.

Without question, no poet, no poem, no prose, has ever captured what real love is all about like these beautiful words. Every time I read I Corinthians 13 I am reminded of an Indian out West who was sending a love message by smoke signals to his sweetheart who lived on another reservation. About the time he was sending up smoke signals to tell her how much he loved her, they tested an atomic bomb. There was a great mushroom cloud that went up on the horizon. He looked at that tremendous cloud and said, "I wish I had said that."

I wish I had said what Paul said here in I Cor. 13, and my greater wish is that every marriage, every family, and every home have this kind of love. Because if they did, divorce would be eliminated, child abuse would be a thing of the past, fights would be reduced to disagreements, disagreements would be reduced to discussions, discussions would be reduced to prayers.

The home that has this kind of love would be lined with the hallways of happiness and harmony. Love would be the liquid that would fill every glass, the food that would fill every plate, the aroma that would fill every room. I want to share with you how your family can not only live together, and last together, but love together right into heaven.

I. Family Love Must Be Physically Demonstrated

You may not have come from an affectionate home, but that does not mean you cannot have an affectionate home. I want to say a special word here to the men in the family, especially the fathers. The power of an affectionate father in the life of his wife and children is nuclear! We can learn a lot from fathers, sons, and brothers in the Bible.

I'm going to talk specifically about this matter of hugging and kissing your family. There used to be a commercial long years ago that asked this question: "Have you hugged your kid today?" That is a good question. I want to go farther. Have you hugged your spouse today? Have you hugged your parents today?

I know many of you men are objecting in your heart right now, saying, "I'm just not the hugging kind." I realize that hugging and kissing in the family today has become more the exception than the rule. Even in caring homes, most parents, particularly fathers, will stop touching their children once the children reach the grade school years.3 Well, men, the Bible paints a different picture.

The greatest father perhaps in the New Testament, was the father of the prodigal son. When that big strapping boy came home from a life of rebellion and sin, the Bible says in Luke 15:20, "his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him." The Greek language is even stronger because what he really did was give him a bear hug and kissed him over and over and over.

Jacob and Esau were two grown men, brothers, who had had a falling-out; they had become mortal enemies, but they reconciled. After many years of being apart in bitterness and anger, when they came back together we read in Gen. 33:4, "But Esau ran to meet him, and embraced him, and fell on his neck and kissed him."

Joseph had been sold into slavery by his brothers. He had kept his identity hidden from them when he was the Prime Minister of Egypt. But when he finally revealed that he was their long lost brother, the Bible says in Gen. 45:14-15, "Then he fell on his brother Benjamin's neck and wept, and Benjamin wept on his neck. Moreover he kissed all his brothers."

Your family needs a meaningful touch. They need love to be both verbally heard and physically demonstrated. In the Scriptures whenever a family blessing was bestowed, touch was extremely important. When Isaac blessed Jacob we read, "Then his father Isaac said to him, 'Come near now, and kiss me, my son.'" (Gen. 27:26)

The Hebrew word for "come close" is very descriptive. It was used of armies drawn together in battle. It is even used to picture the overlapping scales on a crocodile's skin.4 In other words, Isaac was asking his 40 year old son, Jacob, to come and give his dad a hug and a kiss. There is an awesome power in just a touch, in just laying your hands on someone. Did you know that over one-third of your five million touch receptors are centered in your hands?5

Hands are so sensitive that some blind people are being taught to read without Braille by seeing through their fingertips! At Princeton University's Cutaneous Communication Laboratory, "Vibratese" is an experimental procedure where blind people are able to read a printed page by translating the words into vibrations on their fingertips.6

Dr. Delores Krieger, Professor of Nursing at New York University, has made numerous studies on the affects of laying on of hands. What she found is that both the toucher and the one being touched receive a physiological benefit.7

How is this possible? Inside our bodies is hemoglobin, the pigment of the red blood cells, which carries oxygen to the tissues. She has found that hemoglobin levels in both people's blood-stream goes up during the act of the laying on of hands. As hemoglobin levels are invigorated, body tissues receive more oxygen. This increase of oxygen energizes a person and can even aid in the regenerative process if he or she is ill.8

Would you like to lower your husband's or your wife's blood pressure? (Most of you spend your time raising it anyway) Would you like to protect your grade-school child from being involved in an immoral relationship later in life? Would you even like to add up to two years of your own life? Let me tell you how to do it.

You can do it with hugs and kisses. Studies show that touching can actually lower a person's blood pressure. Low blood pressure is an important part, as you know, of staying healthy. In a recent study at UCLA it was found that just to maintain emotional and physical health, men and women need eight to ten meaningful touches every day.9

Now I don't mean just a little pat. These researchers define meaningful touching as a stroke, a kiss, or a hug given by significant people in our lives (especially family members). The study estimated that if some "Type-A-driven" men would hug their wives several times each day it would increase their life span by almost two years!10

Promiscuous men and women, women who work as prostitutes, and women who repeatedly have unwanted pregnancies, have told researchers that their sexual activity is primarily a way of satisfying yearnings to be touched and held.11

In a study with homosexual men, a common characteristic they shared was the absence of meaningful touching by their fathers early in life. Dr. Ross Campbell said in How to Really Love Your Child, "In all my reading and experience, I have never known of one sexually disoriented person who had a warm, loving, and affectionate father."12 I think a classic example of all of this was the sex symbol, Marilyn Monroe. You may or may not be aware of the fact that during her early years she was shuffled from one foster home to another. She gave an interview once and a reporter asked her, "Did you ever feel loved by any of the foster families with whom you lived?"

Miss Monroe thought about it for a moment, and her eyes clouded up with tears as she replied, "Once, when I was about seven or eight. The woman I was living with was putting on makeup and I was watching her. She was in a happy mood so she reached over and patted my cheeks with her rouge puff....for that one moment I felt loved by her."13 If you want to put love into your family, start today touching them, loving them, hugging them, kissing them, showing them not only verbally, but physically, that they are loved by you.

II. Family Love Must Be Emotionally Directed

You must demonstrate your love in such a way that your family members genuinely feel they are loved. Now love is not a feeling, but it affects the feelings. The "love connection" in a family is in the soul, the seat of the emotions.

How many times have you ever heard somebody complain, "I just don't feel loved." That is because love, to be totally effective, must affect the feelings. If you don't feel loved, the words "I love you" will fall on deaf ears. That is why parents can give their children things, but if they don't give them time they are not going to feel loved.

In a little town in Florida there was a home for unwanted boys. These boys were poor; they had very little of this world's goods. But in this particular house they had a wonderful foster mother who made it up to them the best way she knew how. She really loved them. She mothered them, fed them, spanked them, read to them, taught them to love the Lord, to say their prayers. She spent valuable time with them. They knew that they were loved.

One day a wealthy lady came by to adopt one of these little children. She picked a cute little boy out of that group and all the rest of the children were so happy and excited that this little boy was going to be with this wealthy lady. The lady picked this little boy up and said, "I am so excited that you are coming home with me. Do you have a bicycle?" He said, "No ma'am." "Well," she promised, "We're going to buy you one."

She said, "Do you have a pair of roller skates?" He said, "Well, just an old pair." She said, "We're going to buy you a lovely new pair of skates."

She said, "Tell me son, do you have a transistor radio?" The little boy looked kind of puzzled and said, "I don't even know what a transistor radio is." She said, "Well, don't worry son, we're going to get you one."

The little boy began to look very sad and very heartbroken. The lady said, "Son, what's the matter?" That little boy said, "Ma'am, if that is all you're going to give me if I come to live with you, I'd rather stay here."

I want to ask you fathers especially this question. Are you seeing to it that your family feels loved? Let me tell you three things that must be true for your family to know that they are loved: (1) Verbally, they must hear that you love them. You need to tell them constantly "I love you." (2) Visibly, they must see that you love them; hug them, kiss them, touch them, hold them; show them in the way you treat them you love them. (3) Viscerally, they must feel that you love them. They must know in the deepest part of their heart, and in the depth of their soul that they are loved by you unconditionally. It must be constant and consistent throughout their life.

My grandfather and grandmother together between them lived 180 years; my grandfather lived 81, my grandmother lived 99. For roughly 140 of those years together, they lived as the mother and father of my dad. Not one time, between them, in 140 years, did either one of them ever even tell my Dad that they loved him. Not one time did I ever see my grandmother voluntarily hug or kiss my Dad. No wonder he never felt loved by his own mother. Family love must be emotionally directed.

III. Family Love Must Be Spiritually Driven

When you see how love is described in I Cor. you realize that it has a spiritual dimension you won't find in Hollywood movies, salacious novels, TV soap operas, or pornographic magazines. Because real love is, and real loves does. I want you to imagine as we study these qualities of love how different your family would be if you loved your family in this way.

Love is patient "Love suffers long." (v.4) There is one Greek word for the two words "suffers long" and it literally means "a long anger." In other words, love has a long fuse. It takes a long time to get real love angry, and it takes only a short time for real love to get over it. How our homes need more of this kind of patience. It is interesting that we are most impatient with the people we claim to love the most. Someone has observed that "happy homes are built with the bricks of patience."

"Love is kind." (v.4) How does kindness relate to love? Well, someone has defined kindness as the ability to love people more than they deserve.14 In other words, be gracious to one another in the way you talk to one another. Be kind in the way you treat one another.

Mark Twain said, "Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear, and the blind can see." I don't know of any quality that would more quickly change a home, and especially relationships between brothers and sisters, than the quality of kindness.

Love is selfless "Love does not envy." (v.4) Nothing will destroy family harmony quicker than jealousy. I know marriages that have been destroyed because of the distrustful jealousy of one spouse by another. There are brothers who are engaged in sibling rivalry all of their lives because they were jealous of one another. Real love is glad for the good that is in another person, and also glad for the good that comes to another person. It was a wise person who said, "Every time you turn green with envy, you are ripe for trouble."15

Love is humble "Love does not parade itself and is not puffed up." (v.4) Let me make this plain. Real love admits wrong doing; real love asks for forgiveness; real love realizes that no one is perfect.

Not too long ago I saw a rerun of the movie, Love Story. If you saw that movie you know the last line goes like this: "Love means never having to say you're sorry." That is so dumb it is stupid. Love does not mean never having to say you're sorry; love means you're willing to say you're sorry, admit you're wrong, seek forgiveness, and make things right. Next to "I love you" I have learned (the hard way, I might add) that the two greatest words you can hear in a family are these: "I'm sorry."

Love is courteous "Love does not behave rudely." (v.5) Real love is neither rude nor crude; it doesn't snap nor bite. One person translated this verse this way: "Love is tactful in its expression." Courtesy has been defined as love in little things. Love does not embarrass your family in public. Isn't it strange how courtesy is in during courtship, but goes out after marriage.

Two lovers walking down the street;
She tripped; he murmurs, "Careful, sweet!"
Now wed, they tread that self-same street:
She trips; he growls, "Pick up your feet!"

Love is considerate "Love does not seek its own, is not provoked." (v.5) In other words, love does not look out for number one; it looks out for numbers two, three, and four. I heard Zig Ziglar say recently something that is not only true in the business world, it is true in family life. He said, "The way to get what you want out of life is to help others to get what they want out of life."

Love is forgiving "It thinks no evil." (v.5) The Greek word for this phrase is a bookkeeping term. It is an accounting term, and it literally says, "Love does not keep ledgers on evil." That is, love does not keep an account of evils done against it. Love doesn't hold a grudge. The beautiful thing about true love is that it not only has a long fuse, but it also has a short memory.

Love is optimistic "It does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (vv. 6-7) Love always looks for the good in the other person. It is not negative, it is positive. Real love does not look over your family's faults, it overlooks their faults.

Julius Gordon said, "Love is not blind it sees more not less. But because it sees more it is willing to see less." You can always find negative in someone, and if you look hard enough and focus on it, it can kill love. I heard of a fifth grader who wrote this poem on a sheet of paper:

Paul's girl is rich and haughty,
My girl is as poor as clay;
Paul's girl is young and pretty,
My girl looks like a bale of hay.

Paul's girl is smart and clever,
My girl is dumb but good;
But would I trade my girl for Paul's?
You bet your life I would!

Obviously, these qualities of love sound outstanding. But I want to say this about love and tell you why I believe it must be spiritually driven. I Jn. 3:16 says, "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down His life for us." (NIV) John says apart from Jesus Christ and his cross, you will never know what true love is. You may experience some degree in quality of love, but the only act of pure love, unsullied by any taint of ulterior motive that has ever been performed in the history of this world, was when God gave His Son on the cross for you and for me. That's why if you're looking for a definition of love, don't look in the dictionary, look at Calvary. You can never love your family with a godly love until the God who is love lives in your heart.

I could not put it better than this: Love is the spark that kindles the fire of compassion. Compassion is the fire that flames the candle of service. Service is the candle that ignites the torch of hope. Hope is the torch that lights the beacon of faith. Faith is the beacon that reflects the power of God. God is the power that creates the miracle of love. If you want to have the happiest home you can possibly have, you put the love of God in it, preach the love of God to it, and practice the love of God through it, and you will have a happy home.


1. Real Life, January/February, 1989, p. 15.

2. Hal David and Burt Bacharach, "What the World Needs Now" (Los Angeles, California: Blue Seas Music Publishers & Jac Music, Inc., 1965). Lyric by Hal David; music by Burt Bacharach, Copyright O 1965 Blue Seas, Inc., Jac Music, Inc., International Copyright secured. Made in USA. All rights reserved. See also, Charles R. Swindoll, Dropping Your Guard (Dallas: Word Publishing, 1983), p. 114.

3. K. M. Banham,"The Development of Affectionate Behavior in Infancy," Journal of Genetic Psychology, Vol. 76: 283-289 (1978).

4. Frances Brown, S.R. Driver, and Charles A. Briggs, A Hebrew in English Lexicon of the Old Testament, Oxford: Clarendon Press, Reprinted Addition, (1974), p. 621.

5. Harvey Richard Schiffman, Sensation and Perception: An Integrated Approach (New York: John Wyley& Sons, 1982), p. 107.

6. Frank A. Geldard, "Body English," Psychology Today, December 1968, p. 44.

7. Delores Krieger, "Therapeutic Touch: the Imprimatur of Nursing," American Journal of Nursing, May 1975, p. 784.

8. Gary Smalley and John Trent, The Blessing, (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1986), p. 40.

9. Ibid, pp. 41-42.

10. Ibid. p. 43.

11. Ibid. p. 44.

12. Ross Campbell, How to Really Love Your Child, (Wheaton, Ill.: Victor Books, 1977), p. 73.

13. Helen Colton, The Gift of Touch, (New York: Seaview Putnam, 1983), p. 102.

14. Inspiring Quotations, Compiled by Albert M. Wells, Jr., (Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1988), p. 105.

15. Ibid., p. 63.

ChristianGlobe Networks, Inc., Collected Sermons, by James Merritt