Bob Laurent, in his book, A World of Differents, tells of sitting in the living room reading when he heard a terrible scream just outside his front door. Like most parents, he could distinguish his own child’s crying, and so he flew out the door to the scene of the accident.
There was his three-year-old son, Christopher, upside down and bawling, the victim of a hit-and-run collision with a Big Wheel 16 inch toy Tricycle. In one fell swoop, Laurent scooped his son up and had him in the house and up in his bedroom before the neighbors suspected that his little man was a crybaby. He held his son in his arms and said, “C’mon, son, let’s dry those old tears up.”
“But, Daddy, it hurts! Waaa-a-ah!”
Then Bob Laurent gave him his sternest look and exclaimed, “Look, son, big boys don’t cry!” (1)
Have any of you men ever heard that piece of misguided advice from someone in your family? Have any of you ever given that piece of misguided advice to someone in your family? “Big boys don’t cry.”
As soon as that ancient bit of wisdom broke past his lips, Bob Laurent got an mental picture of a Man in his early thirties standing outside the tomb of His best friend, Lazarus, crying because it hurt so much. He saw a man whose physical fiber had been hardened by years under the hot Galilean sun, now sitting on a hillside overlooking Jerusalem, crying because it hurt so much.
Laurent writes: “The One who went head to head with the money changers in the Temple; The One who ordered the roaring wind and the raging sea to be still; The One who now commands all authority in heaven and earth; This same Man who never met a situation He couldn’t handle, could cry from the depths of a broken heart. Yes,” he now says, “I guess big boys do cry.” (2)
Did you know that the Bible teaches us that it’s all right for big boys to cry . . . and big girls as well? In the King James Version of the Bible, (Romans 12:15) the Apostle Paul wrote, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” References to weeping are found throughout the Bible. And it is not simply women who weep. In our lesson from Joel for this evening we read: “Even now,” declares the Lord, “return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning. Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love . . .” (12-13, NIV)
It’s all right to weep or cry. Even if you are a strong man, it’s all right to show your emotions. In fact, there are three times when it is particularly appropriate to cry.
First of all, it’s all right to cry over the state of our nation. In Luke 19:41-42 we read, “As [Jesus] approached Jerusalem and saw the city, he wept over it and said, ‘If you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace—but now it is hidden from your eyes.’” The things that make for peace seem to be hidden from our eyes as well. Racial conflict, gun violence, including gun violence in our schools.
It would certainly be appropriate to cry over our nation. Did you know that less than 5 percent of the world’s population lives in the United States, and yet we consume more than 50 percent of the world’s cocaine? Our national defense budget, which currently runs in the billions, is equaled by what we spend on alcohol consumption. Pressures on our young people are extraordinary. I’ve never seen a better summary of these pressures than a letter sent to advice columnist Ann Landers several years ago. I quote: Dear Ann,
The reader signed “Georgia,” who lived through the Depression and described how hard it was to be a teenager in the 30s, said kids today have an easy time of it compared to teens in his day. You said you couldn’t argue with him. Well, I can. Let me ask your generation a few questions.
Are your parents divorced? Almost every one of my friends comes from a broken home. Were you thinking about suicide when you were 12? Did you have an ulcer when you were 16? Did your best friend lose her virginity to a guy she went out with twice? You may have had to worry about [sexually transmitted diseases], but did you have to worry about AIDS?
Did your classmates carry guns and knives? How many kids in your class came to school regularly drunk, stoned or high on drugs? Did any of your friends have their brains fried from using PCP? What percentage of your graduating class also graduated from a drug and alcohol rehabilitation center?
Did your school have armed security guards in the halls? Did you ever live in a neighborhood where the sound of gunfire at night was normal? You talk a lot about being dirt poor and having no money. Since when does money mean happiness? The kids at school who have the expensive cars and designer clothes are the most miserable.
When I am your age, Georgia, I won’t do much looking back, I’ll just thank God that I survived. (3)
I believe a few tears would be appropriate over such a society, don’t you? It’s all right to cry over our nation. Lord knows someone should be weeping.
And, it’s all right to cry over someone you love. In John 11:35 we read, “When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, ‘Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.’
“When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. ‘Where have you laid him?’ he asked.
“’Come and see, Lord,’ they replied.
“Jesus wept.
“Then the Jews said, ‘See how he loved him!’”
Jesus wept over someone he loved. If there is someone you really care about, sooner are later you will shed some tears. Especially when we lose that someone to death.
C.S. Lewis that great apologist for the Christian faith was staggered by the death of his wife Joy. He felt as if he were drunk or had suffered a physical blow to the head—as if there were a blanket between him and the rest of the world. He was in such pain that he reports that he could not even pray. Every time he tried, it was as if a door were shut in his face, and he could hear it being bolted from the other side. (4)
Some of you have been there. You know what it’s like. Your grief has been over-whelming and tears flowed down your face giving you sweet, if temporary, relief.
A funeral director tells about a man who had died. During the visiting hours at the funeral home the man’s grandson had come to see his body. The boy was standing by the casket, crying. His grandmother came over and the funeral director heard her say, “Don’t cry, Jimmy. Each tear you cry drowns one of God’s angels.” (5)
What a dumb thing to say to a little boy at the death of his grandfather. If it wasn’t so sad it would be a comic.
Of course, it’s all right to cry when you lose someone you love. Nothing is healthier or more natural.
Of course, you don’t have to lose somebody to death to shed tears over them. Some of you parents have cried over your sons and daughters for reasons only you and they are aware. And in this day when so many families are breaking apart many sons and daughters know what it is to weep over their parents. Many husbands and wives know what it is to weep for one another. It’s all right to cry over your society. It’s all right to cry over someone you love.
And one last thing: it’s all right to cry over your own sins. That is the crying that our text for Ash Wednesday is about: “Even now,” declares the Lord, “return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning. Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love . . .”
It’s all right to shed tears over your sins. Tonight begins the season of Lent. Among the familiar scenes in this season is that of Simon Peter sitting out in the courtyard, and a servant girl comes to him. “You also were with Jesus of Galilee,” she says to him. But he denies it. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says.
Then Peter goes out to the gateway, where another servant girl sees him and says to the people there, “This fellow was with Jesus of Nazareth.”
Peter denies it again, this time with an oath: “I don’t know the man!”
After a little while, those standing there go up to Peter and say, “Surely you are one of them; your accent gives you away.”
Then Peter begins to call down curses, and he swears to them, “I don’t know the man!”
Immediately a rooster crowed. Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken: “Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.” And he went outside and wept bitterly (Matthew 26:69-75). Yes, it’s all right to shed tears over your sins.
Now the world does not know of such tears. We live in a time when you don’t cry over your sins, you sell them to a publisher. Or you go on Oprah and brag about them.
The late comedian Jonathan Winters once told of negotiations involving his autobiography. Several publishers he approached about his book wanted to be sure he included details of any scandalous relationships. Winters had decided not to tell all. Five different publishers asked him, “What about your affairs?” Winters answered, “They are in order.” (6)
Good answer.
The secular world knows nothing of crying over your sins. Some of you may remember that the ending to a newly made movie version of The Scarlet Letter a few years back had a different ending than the original story. Evidently Hollywood felt that modern audiences could not relate to a man slowly destroying himself with guilt as did the adulterous minister in Hawthorne’s original story. So, they gave the movie a happier ending. After all, who could weep over breaking one of God’s commandments? Not in our modern world.
There are times we need to weep over our sins. There are times when we need to confront the worst within us and rend our hearts if not our garments. That is what Ash Wednesday is all about.
A Baptist pastor, John W. Keith tells about taking his father to Israel. When they got to Jerusalem and viewed the wailing wall there was a great crowd of people praying. The guide told them that the Jews would start praying at one end of the wailing wall and make their way to where the Holy of Holies used to be. The guide told them that an unusual phenomenon would occur. When the people would begin to pray at the wailing wall their confession of sins would not bother them too much, but the closer they got to the Holy of Holies, the more aware of their sins they became . . . and they would weep.
The closer to God we are, the more conscious we are of our sins. That’s the truth of the matter and if we do not feel the weight of our sinfulness then probably neither do we feel a great sense of closeness to a holy God.
Big boys don’t cry? Most certainly they do cry. Sometimes they cry over the state of their country. Sometimes they cry over someone they love. And sometimes, if they are really close to God, they weep over their own sins.
“Even now,” declares the Lord, “return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning. Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love . . .” Amen.
1. (Fleming H. Revell Co), pp. 16-17.
2. Ibid.
3. Ann Landers, “A Tough Time for All Teens,” The Los Angeles Times, December 15, 1989. Cited in Dr. Kevin Leman, Keeping Your Family (Colorado Springs, Colorado: Focus on the Family, 1993).
4. Contributed. Source unknown.
5. John W. James and Frank Cherry, The Grief Recovery Handbook (New York: Harper & Row), pp. 44-45.
6. Rusty Wright & Linda Raney Wright, 500 Clean Jokes and Humorous Stories, (Uhrichsville, OH: Barbour and Company).
