2 Samuel 16:15--17:29 · The Advice of Hushai and Ahithophel
Acquaintances Or Friends?
2 Samuel 16:15--17:29
Sermon
by Arthur H. Kolsti
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Let's begin by thinking about the difference between an acquaintance and a friend. There is a difference. That difference is the dimension of depth. There are those who make the acquaintance of many and count that as social success. So, one can end up with many acquaintances but no real friends, for a friend is much more than an acquaintance. The proverbial wisdom of Israel made the distinction this way. "Some friends play at friendship, but a true friend sticks closer than one's nearest kin" (Proverbs 18:24). This poses a question to us. If you want to make a finger count of your acquaintances, would ten fingers be enough? Hardly! If you want to count your friends, are ten fingers more than enough?

In the biblical narratives there are two stories of friendship that stand out. One is the story of Naomi and her daughter-in-law, Ruth, who stayed by her side through thick and thin. The other is the friendship whose beginning is highlighted in today's first reading, the bonding of Jonathan and David.

You are certainly familiar with David. You may not be as knowledgeable about Jonathan, the eldest son of the tormented first king of Israel, Saul. He is worth knowing. Reflect on his story and a configuration of adjectives will come to mind: generous, gallant, loyal, sympathetic, valiant, magnanimous. Jonathan can be described in all those ways and more. Jonathan enters the biblical narrative in 1 Samuel 14 and there you will meet him serving on the field of battle in his father's army. Jonathan and his armor bearer take a strategic action that wins the day. When the battle is over Jonathan comes upon a honeycomb and takes a taste that at once energizes him and creates a problem for him. The troops inform him that Saul has issued an order forbidding the troops to eat anything before sundown. Saul's head was filled with all sorts of religious quirks. Jonathan is nonplussed and states in public his disagreement, "My father has troubled the land."

Meanwhile, Saul is trying to get some advice from God about the next step in the campaign. When he can't get through to God he concludes that somehow sin has gotten into the picture. He announces that whoever is responsible will die, even if it is his own son. Through the casting of lots the finger points directly to Jonathan, who confesses that he took a taste of honey. Saul vows to kill him but the people rise as one and bluntly tell the king not to touch one hair of Jonathan's head. The common soldiers sensed than Jonathan was a peoples' person.

Jonathan's next appearance in the narrative is in today's reading. David is introduced to Saul. As far as Jonathan was concerned, meeting David was a case of friendship at first sight. "When David had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was bound to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul ... Then Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as his own soul." To confirm his covenant Jonathan did a startling and significant thing. "Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that he was wearing, and gave it to David, and his armor, and even his sword and his bow and his belt." What a way to recognize another as one's alter ego, a trusted friend, a soul mate! And what unparalleled generosity, for this action invests David with heirship to the throne.

The guilelessness of Jonathan hits us as we reflect that he had nothing to gain. This is not a calculated action, for David is a potential rival for the throne of Israel. No ego is involved as in the failed relationship of Saul and Samuel. No jealousy is present as in the stormy love/hate relationship that would develop between Saul and David. And if you read on in this narrative you will see the rare kind of friend that Jonathan was to David while yet remaining loyal to his father and finally dying beside him on the field of battle. David was devastated when he heard that news.

How the mighty have fallen in the midst of the battle! Jonathan lies slain upon your high places. I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan greatly beloved were you to me; your love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women.-- 2 Samuel 2:25-26 These were part of the words of tribute composed by David. But a question about this friendship emerges. Would it have lasted? This is after all a friendship between two young people. It has been compared to the friendship of Damon and Pythias, the Greek philosophers, and to the friendship of Roland and Oliver in the Song of Roland. But none of these friendships are long term friendships. Could this friendship of Jonathan and David have survived the passage of time and the punishment David meted out to some of the entourage of Saul?

Think back to some of the friendships of your own youth and the seriousness with which you invested them. Go through the pages of your high school year book and ponder them as you look at the pictures and read the autographed comments. Have those friendships survived the passage of time and the realities of adulthood? Of course, in our mobile society we move away from others geographically. But there are other ways to move away from one another. The play, Inherit The Wind, revolves around the Scopes trial and the argument between the opposing attorneys, William Jennings Bryan and Clarence Darrow. During the play Matthew Brady (Bryan) says to Henry Drummond (Darrow), "What happened? We used to be friends. Why have we drifted apart?" Drummond replies, "All motion is relative, perhaps it is you who have drifted away by standing still." That can and does happen.

Friendship is best nurtured through ongoing conversation and dialogue. That does not mean we cannot have differences of opinion with a friend. On the contrary, it is only with a friend that you can have a worthwhile debate. It is the mutual covenant of acceptance, love, and trust that frees us for genuine exchange. Sydney Harris, who for many years wrote a daily column for the Chicago Daily News, was right on the button when he commented one day: "Strangers can only be polite; it requires friends to quarrel. When strangers have an argument about politics, religion, or art, they are but defending their personality rather than their point of view. Two friends can come to grips with the subject honestly and rudely. This is why so many social arguments are fruitless and shallow. Each contestant is secretly trying to prove his or her supremacy to the other; logic and reason are only incidental weapons."

The quality of our relationships can be judged by the depth of our conversation. Gabbling and gossiping and idle conversation are the hallmark of superficial friendship. Someone has argued that the game of bridge functions as a way for us to be with others in a way that ensures shallowness to conversation. The proverb makers of Israel spoke of playing at friendship. Here is a well-taken translation of the text from Proverbs quoted earlier. "There is a companion who does nothing but chatter, but there is a friend who sticks closer than kin."1

Speaking of chatter reminds me of the tourist who tried to strike up a conversation with a taciturn fisherman in Down East Maine. "You folks do not talk very much do you?" asked the tourist. "Nope," replied the fisherman, "only when it improves on the silence." Silence, incidentally, is something we can best share with a friend. It is said that Ralph Waldo Emerson and Henry David Thoreau could spend hours together, the silence broken only by an occasional request, "Pass the baccy."

We have thought together about the distinction between an acquaintance and a friend. We have recalled the covenant of friendship between Jonathan and David. We have shared some thoughts about the depth dimension of real friendship. Now, the inevitable question presents itself. What kinds of friends are we to him who has made with us a covenant of friendship? "I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father" (John 15:15).

"What a friend we have in Jesus," so we sing. But ask this, what kind of friends does Jesus have in us? Are we friends or are we just casual acquaintances? Do we nourish this relationship by interacting with his words? Do we sustain it through prayer, silent or spoken? Are we there for him the way he is and always will be for us? "What a friend we have in Jesus, all our cares and griefs to bear." Do we share the griefs that weighed upon him? Do we share the imperatives that sent him into a ministry of compassion and conviction?

Each gospel writer in his own way tells us that friendship with God is not a possibility bound by either geography or time. The gospel writers can introduce us to Jesus of Nazareth. Whether or not we just remain nodding acquaintances or dependable friends is up to us.


1. McKane, William. Proverbs. Westminster Press. Philadelphia. 1975

CSS Publishing Company, LYRICS FOR THE CENTURIES, by Arthur H. Kolsti