Luke 6:27-36 · Love for Enemies
Hurting People Hurt People
Luke 6:27-36
Sermon
by King Duncan
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"Hurting people hurt people," says John Maxwell, and it's true!

A father and son walking together in the woods came upon an animal that had been caught in a hunter's trap. The animal was in obvious distress. The son rushed forward to free the animal, but his father stopped him. "Son," he said, "Be careful. A hurt animal will bite those close around--even someone who is trying to help him."

What's true of animals is true of people. Hurting people hurt people. We've all seen parents under too much stress strike out at their children. An unknown author captured the frustration and the guilt of many parents when he or she wrote:

A weary mother returned from the store,
Lugging groceries through the kitchen door.
Awaiting her arrival was her 8 year-old son,
Anxious to relate what his younger brother had done.

"While I was out playing and Dad was on a call,
T.J. took his crayons and wrote on the wall!
It's on the new paper you just hung in the den.
I told him you'd be mad at having to do it again."

She let out a moan and furrowed her brow,
"Where is your little brother right now?"
She emptied her arms and with a purposeful stride,
She marched to his closet where he had gone to hide.

She called his full name as she entered his room.
He trembled with fear--he knew that meant doom!
For the next ten minutes, she ranted and raved
About the expensive wallpaper and how she had saved.

Lamenting all the work it would take to repair,
She condemned his actions and total lack of care.
The more she scolded, the madder she got,
Then stomped from his room, totally distraught!

She headed for the den to confirm her fears.
When she saw the wall, her eyes flooded with tears.
The message she read pierced her soul with a dart.
It said, "I love Mommy," surrounded by a heart.

Well, the wallpaper remained, just as she found it,
With an empty picture frame hung to surround it.
A reminder to her, and indeed to all,
Take time to read the handwriting on the wall (1)

Hurting people hurt people. Parents take out a hard day on their children. Religious people with fears about their own self-worth take it out on sinners.

Motivational speaker Zig Ziglar has a favorite story that he tells across the country. It is an old story that some of you have doubtless heard before. It comes from a retired seminary professor, Dr. Fred Craddock--a man who has influenced thousands of pastors and lay people of every religious persuasion. Craddock and his wife were on vacation in Eastern Tennessee in the Smoky Mountains. They had gone to a place called The Black Bear Inn, a restaurant.

One side of the building was all glass. You could look out over the mountains and have your dinner. "It was just beautiful," says Craddock.

While they were waiting for their dinner, an old man perhaps in his eighties, with a shock of white hair came over to their table and said, "Good evening." Craddock took him to be the proprietor. "Good evening," Craddock replied. "You on vacation?" the old man asked. "Yes," Craddock replied. "Where are you from?" the old man asked. Now that was none of his business, Craddock thought to himself, but to be polite he replied, "Oklahoma." "Oklahoma!" The old man repeated. "I've never been to Oklahoma." Craddock was getting somewhat impatient with this intruder. "What do you do?" the old man asked. "Well, I teach in a seminary," Craddock responded. "Oh, you teach preachers!" said the old man as he pulled up a chair. "I've got a story about a preacher." Inwardly Craddock groaned. Everybody's got a story about a preacher.

The old man said, "I was born back here in these mountains. My mother was not married. And the reproach that fell upon her, fell upon me. The children at school had a name for me and it hurt. It hurt very much. During recess I would go hide in the weeds until the bell rang. At lunchtime I took my lunch and went behind a tree to avoid them. When I went to town with my mother . . . men and women would stare at her and then at me . . . I knew they were trying to guess who I was. A painful time.

"I guess I was in the seventh or eighth grade and I started to go hear a preacher. He frightened me in a way and he attracted me in a way. He wore a clawhammer tailcoat, striped trousers and had a face that looked like it had been quarried out of the mountain. He thundered . . . I was afraid people would say, 'What's a boy like you doing in church?' So I just went in time for the sermon and then I'd rush out." He said, "One Sunday, however, some women had QUED up in the aisle and I couldn't get out and I began to get cold and sweaty. I wondered, Oh, oh, somebody's going to speak to me, 'What's a boy like you doing in church?' And I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked out of the corner of my eye and saw that beard and saw that face.

"Oh, boy!" said the old man. "That minister stared at me and looked at me and stared at me, and I thought, 'Oh, no. Oh, no. He's gonna guess.' He said, 'Well boy, you're a child of ah . . . You're a child of ah . . . Ah, wait.' And the preacher said, 'You're a child of God. I see a strikin' resemblance!' He swatted me on the bottom and said, 'Go claim your inheritance, boy!'"

Fred Craddock said he looked at the old man seated at their table and asked, "What's your name?" The old man said, "Ben Hooper." "Ben Hooper, Ben, Ben Hooper!" Craddock thought to himself. And suddenly it came to him that his father had told him about the time when, for two terms, the people of Tennessee had elected a man named Ben Hooper, who had been born to an unwed mother, as governor of their state. (2) What a grand ending to a story that could have turned out much differently. Even religious people can be cruel to people who are not like them. We know it's true. Hurting people hurt people. Then we come to these words of Jesus: "Love your enemies, do good to them that hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who despitefully use you. If someone strikes you on one cheek offer also the other . . . Be merciful even as your Father is merciful. And judge not: and you shall not be judged . . ."

Why do we find it so hard to live like that? Why do we feel the need to strike out at others--whether they are our children or our spouse or our neighbor or someone who is of another race, or even someone whose lifestyle is deplorable by our standards? Why can't we live and let live? Why do we have to utter hurtful words to or about any other human being? And why do other people, sometimes those closest to us, turn on us and say such hurtful things? The answer lies in this phrase: Hurting people hurt people.

WE NEED TO RECOGNIZE, FIRST OF ALL, THAT PEOPLE WHO HURT US MAY THEMSELVES HAVE HURTS THAT ARE CAUSING THEM TO ACT OUT IN WAYS THAT THEY NEVER WOULD OTHERWISE. When we encounter someone who is lashing out at other people, we need to ask: What could be going on in their lives that could be causing them to behave this way?

Leslie Parrott tells about a scathing letter he received at a college where he once served. The first few lines were demoralizing. After reading a few paragraphs, he skipped to the end of the letter to see who the writer was. He did not recognize the signer so he phoned the registrar and asked him to bring him the folder of the student whose name was on the letter. The registrar walked through his office door some moments later, with the flap of the folder pulled back to the picture of the young lady who had written him the letter. He recognized her at once, and his feelings of defensiveness against her harsh letter turned into understanding.

She was a beautiful young woman who had suffered a diving accident the previous year at summer camp and was paralyzed from her neck down. Although the state paid the bill and the college people, including students, did everything they could to accommodate her physical limitations, she was unable to accept herself after the accident. She lashed out at the people who pushed her wheelchair. She was angry with faculty members and torn up over any and everything that related to her. Her letter to Parrott addressed his insensitivity to her needs on campus. His momentary spirit of anger eased into a mellowness as he said to himself, "I really don't know what my attitudes might be if I were forced to cope with the same kinds of physical problems she has." (3)

The angry driver who screams at us in traffic, the impatient cop who pulls us over and refuses to listen to our explanation, the spouse who is constantly belittling us--all may have things going on in their lives that are causing them great distress. Whenever anyone lashes out at us with hurtful words or attitudes, rather than striking back, we need to ask ourselves what could be causing them to act out their anger this way. Sometimes we can defuse the situation by a quiet comment like, "It must be very stressful having to deal with people all day." Hurting people hurt people.

SECONDLY, WE NEED TO RECOGNIZE THAT WHEN WE HURT IT MAY AFFECT HOW WE RESPOND TO OTHERS. We can hurt others when we are hurting.

According to Pastor John Ortberg, one of the most common terms used today among psychiatrists is, "LFT." This abbreviated term addresses a prevalent problem in our society. "LFT" stands for Low Frustration Tolerance. Many Americans are walking time-bombs just waiting to explode. They have allowed circumstances, situations, schedules, and people to crowd out their ability to tolerate frustrations. For this reason they are living on the edge and quickly erupt with anger when frustrations arise. (4)

Some of us are in that group. LFT. Low Frustration Tolerance. It doesn't take much to set us off. Especially when we are tired. Especially when we're feeling down on ourselves. Especially when, like the animal in the trap, we feel vulnerable. We need to examine ourselves and ask ourselves why we act as we do. We are causing untold damage to those around us--especially to those we love, those we depend upon.

FINALLY, WE NEED TO SEE THAT THE ONLY WAY WE CAN HEED CHRIST'S COMMAND TO LOVE LIKE HE LOVED IS TO SURRENDER TO HIS SPIRIT. Jesus never lashed out at anyone--except the people who elevated the law of religion over the love of people, or who used religion to their own ends. Jesus never called anyone a sinner. Jesus never demeaned anyone over their lifestyle. Even on the cross he forgave those who put him there. He showed that it was possible to love your enemy. How can we ever live like that? Two things.

First, we need to surrender our hurts to him. Most of us have scars that no one else can see. And under stress, under pressure, when we are fatigued, those scars reveal themselves in inappropriate behavior. We need to surrender those hurts to Jesus. We need to pray, "Lord, cleanse me of all those unhealthy emotions that keep me from being what my family needs, what my company needs, what my community needs."

Secondly, we need to ask him to come into our hearts and reside there. That happened to the great British actor Sir Alec Guinness who went to be with God last year. Guinness was an atheist when, in 1954, his young son contracted polio. Guinness prayed that if his boy were ever able to walk again, then he would not interfere in the son's spiritual life. Soon, the boy was up and running. Sir Alec began visiting a local Catholic church to pray, and even spent some time at Catholic retreats. One afternoon, as Sir Alec was out walking, he felt an uncontrollable urge to run to the nearest Catholic church. There, he fell to his knees and experienced an amazing moment of communion with God. For ten minutes, he reports that he was "lost to the world." He'd never felt such joy. On March 24, 1956, Sir Alec Guinness gave his life to Christ. (5)

You and I can have that same joy. Hurting people hurt people. Isn't it time you and I surrender our hurts to Christ? Isn't it time we invited Christ into our hearts?


1. ladyhawke@jokedujour.com

2. Attributed to Ray Owens, Methodist Churches, Wellington & Stockland, Illinois. Cited in Help4Sunday.

3. Leslie Parrott, The Habit of Happiness (Waco, TX: Word Books Publisher, 1987), p. 102.

4. "Rediscovering the Church: Finding Guidance At Critical Crossroads," Ortberg, pt. 2, Seeds Tape Ministry, 1/17/96.

5. "Faith came as 'surprise of joy' for . . . Alec Guinness" by Terry Mattingly The Knoxville News Sentinel, August 12, 2000.

Dynamic Preaching, Collected Sermons, by King Duncan