We all want to be recognized, appreciated, made to feel important. We all want to be somebody. A banker was visiting a customer's farm. He nodded to a figure in the farmyard. "I suppose that's the hired man," he said. The farmer replied, "Naw, that's the first vice president in charge of cows."
All of us what to be recognized. All of us want to believe we are important. Alex Haley, the author of ROOTS served in the Coast Guard during World War II. Because of his race, Haley's jobs were limited to the kitchen. One job was serving coffee to the captain, who usually was so busy reading magazines that he ignored the person serving him.
But one day the captain observed, as he lifted his cup, "There's a good article here by an Alex Haley. Same name as you."
The server replied, "I am the Alex Haley who wrote the article." After that, the captain made fewer calls for coffee and many more for conversations with the author. (1)
We all want to be recognized. We want to be appreciated. We want to know that somebody notices.
Ed Goldfader owns and operates Tracers Company of America, Inc. Tracers is a New York agency that specializes in finding lost persons. Goldfader says more wives than ever are running away. They are doing this not because they have found new lovers, but because they are bored and feel that there must be more to life than playing handmaiden to unappreciative husbands. A clue as to why the women feel unappreciated lies in this bit of information: when a man comes to Tracers for help in finding his wife, the agency asks questions about his wife's personal history and personal appearance. Often the inquiring husband is unable to remember the color of his missing wife's eyes! (2)
It is universal. It cuts across generations, across social classes, across gender. We all want to be recognized. To quote Harvard psychologist William James: "The deepest principle of human nature is a craving to be appreciated." We all want to be part of the beautiful people looked up to, respected, even envied. That is part of human nature.
Sometimes people go to extreme lengths to acquire recognition. In fact, one reason many people get in trouble is that they want someone to notice them.
David Mitchell Jewell, thirtyone, of Evansville, Indiana, said that he set fire to thirtytwo homes in his neighborhood over the last ten years because he wanted to prove that he could accomplish something with his life. Jewell, who owned a homeremodeling business, also said that he wanted relatives and friends to pay attention to him. (3)
We know that it is common for children to misbehave in order to draw attention. There are adults who misbehave for the same reason. People will go to great lengths to be noticed, to establish their place in the world, to gain recognition sometimes to their own detriment.
Highranking men in the Suka tribe in Ethiopia wear bracelets that are purposely made so tight that they almost stop the flow of blood to their hands. The hands of the rich often become shrunken, withered, and virtually useless. To the Suka, withered hands are a status symbol, and the more atrophied their hands become the prouder the aristocrats are of them. (4) As our children might say, "That's yucky!" But that's their way of establishing the pecking order of establishing who belongs among the beautiful people. We establish the rules in a different way.
There was an article in a magazine recently about a young man who said he never felt successful until he purchased a $1,000 suit. Imagine that! He said he felt a bolt of selfconfidence whenever he put that suit on! It made him feel adequate to get ahead. He swore there was something magical about the $1,000 price tag. (5)
In his own eyes, this man, like the Suka with their withered hands, became one of the beautiful people. In our eyes it made him one of the gullible people, but he is not alone.
Jules Janssen is a civil engineer who thinks he has found a revolutionary building material that could replace wood, concrete, steel, or brick in building houses in Third World countries. The solution is bamboo. Although a bamboo seed takes about five years to first produce a shoot, once it starts growing it grows about 3 feet per day. That's 21 feet per week. Unlike trees, which may take two decades or more to reach maturity, bamboo is an easily renewable resource. Although the bamboo cane is hollow, it is extremely strong. In compression tests, bamboo could withstand more force than brick, concrete, or wood. Also, bamboo houses are better able to stand during a disaster, like an earthquake, than are concrete houses. In 1991, an earthquake devastated a section of Costa Rica, leveling many concrete homes. The bamboo houses in the area sustained no damage.
There are some drawbacks to using bamboo. If the house is not built for good ventilation, the bamboo can rot from moisture. Also, there are insects that eat bamboo. But probably the greatest hindrance to using bamboo for housing is the status factor. In Burundi, where Jules Janssen is trying to generate interest in the material, bamboo is seen as the material of the lower classes. It is connected to the country's colonial past. The people want to assert that they are no longer a colony. Brick, wood, and concrete are seen as middle or upperclass, modern materials. And so a possible solution is blocked by negative perceptions and the quest for status. (6)
Silly, you say? Third world mentality? Last February there was an article in USA Today about the shortage of computer programmers. Even though salaries in the computer industry are extremely high in comparison to most other industries, many young people are repulsed by the idea of going into computerrelated occupations. Why? Because of the image of computer people. Young people do not want to be thought of as computer nerds. You can't be one of the beautiful people and be a nerd regardless of how well it pays. Silly? Selfdefeating? Perhaps but true.
Even in the church, we play such silly games.
For example, did you know that the word pew comes from the French word puie, which means "raised place." In the early years of the United States, some prominent families were allowed to sit in ropedoff sections, separate from "the rabble." These "seats of the snobs" were known as pews. When the church finally realized that this tradition was inane, not to mention unbiblical, it disposed of seats of honor. All benches became known as pews. In the eighteenth century, certain families were allowed to buy their pews. If the families had box pews, they would sometimes decorate them, even installing armchairs and fireplaces. (7) Oh, the games people play for status, for self-importance, in an attempt to become one of the beautiful people.
Jesus was in the home of a prominent official. He noticed that all who came to the dinner were trying to sit near the head of the table so people would recognize that they were important. Jesus gave them this advice: "If you are invited to a wedding feast, don't always head for the best seat. For if someone more respected than you shows up, the host will bring him over to where you are sitting and say, ˜Let this man sit here instead.' And you, embarrassed, will have to take whatever seat is left at the foot of the table! Do this instead start at the foot; and when your host sees you he will come and say, ˜Friend, we have a better place than this for you!' Thus you will be honored in front of all the other guests. For everyone who tries to honor himself shall be humbled; and he who humbles himself shall be honored." (NIV)
So, it's all right, Jesus says, to want to be one of the beautiful people. It's perfectly natural to want to sit in a honored seat. However, he says, most of us follow the wrong strategy. We puff ourselves up and we think that makes us more beautiful. We couldn't be more wrong. There is nothing more beautiful than genuine humility nothing more attractive than a warm, relaxed smile nothing more winning than a sense of confidence that wherever your seat is, it is the best seat in the house.
However, says Jesus, if you really want to become one of the beautiful people, there is one thing more you can do.
Jesus turned to his host. "When you put on a dinner," he said, "don't invite friends, brothers, relatives, and rich neighbors! For they will return the invitation. Instead, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind. Then at the resurrection of the godly, God will reward you for inviting those who can't repay you."
The most beautiful people in the world are those who care for the least and the lowly. Was there ever anyone more beautiful than Mother Teresa? Mother Teresa's death came at the same time as the death of one of the world's most famous beautiful people, Princess Diana. Princess Diana was a young woman of many frailties, but she was fondly remembered, first of all, for her many acts of compassion. She cared for children. She cared for people with AIDS.
Want to become truly a beautiful person? Look around for someone in need and make a sincere attempt to help. A person in need is not necessarily one who is poor. They may be a shutin who is lonely, a teenager who is misunderstood, an AIDS patient feeling rejected by his neighbors and by God. There are many needy people in this world. We meet them every day. If you really want to become part of God's elite, see what you can do for them. "God will reward you," Jesus said, "for inviting those who can't repay you."
A school bus was making its final round of the day. A young boy jumped off just as a man jogged by.
"Hey, mister," the boy shouted, "can I jog with you?" The jogger wasn't in a hurry so he nodded and the boy joined in jogging. Within five minutes the boy gave the jogger pretty much his whole life story. His name was Matthew, he was ten years old, precocious and full of life.
Abruptly, however, Matthew stopped. "Look at this," he ordered as he showed the jogger an 81/2 by 11 inch piece of paper that had been laminated. In big black letters across the top it said, "Fourth Grade Math Whiz." Underneath was Matthew's name, the school name, the date and the teacher's signature.
His pride was undaunted. "I'm a math whiz," he went on beaming, not waiting for the jogger to come to that conclusion by reading the card only inches from his face. "Last year my sister was the math whiz," he continued, "but this year, I'm the math whiz!"
"That's great," the man replied.
"Yep," said Matthew. "But you know what's really great? When I get home, my dad's gonna be real proud." (8)
And isn't that what we all really want? We want to make our father proud, our mother proud. We want to earn the esteem of family members and business colleagues and friends at church. And that's fine. But more important than all of these, says Jesus, is to make God proud of us. We do that when we look around to those who are helpless, hurting, destitute and do something for those who can do nothing for us in return. It's all right to want to be one of the beautiful people, says Jesus, as long as you understand who the beautiful people really are. They are not those who are always buying more trinkets than their neighbors. They are those who are using the blessings of life to bless others.
1. Lamar Alexander, "Find the Good and Praise It," Parade magazine, Cited in Quote, February 1993, p. 34.
2. Alan Loy McGinnis, The Romance Factor (San Francisco, CA), p. 193.
3. John J. Kohut & Roland Sweet, Countdown to The Millennium (New York: Penguin USA Inc., 1992), p. 44.
4. Bruce Felton and Mark Fowler, The Best and Worst of Everything, (New York: Gramercy Publishing Company, 1975).
5. Doug Sherman and William Hendricks, How to Succeed Where it Really Counts (Colorado Springs, Colorado: NavPress, 1989), p. 17.
6. Mary Roach, "Bamboo Solution," Discover, June 1996, pp. 93-96.
7. Doug Peterson, Many Are Called (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House, 1992).
8. Terry Hershey, Go Away Come Closer (Dallas, Texas: Word Publishing, 1990).