Luke 10:25-37 · The Parable of the Good Samaritan
The Third Kind of Love
Luke 10:25-37
Sermon
by James W. Moore
Loading...

In the church, we talk a lot about love. We teach it, we preach it, we sing about it, we try to live it… and well we should because love is the message of the church and the dominant theme of the scriptures.

Love is the Christian faith summed up in one word. Jesus called it the sign of discipleship. Usually, when we talk about love, we lift up love for God and love for other people… and that is well and good.

But, this morning, I want us to turn the coin over and raise what I think is a very important question: “Is it OK to love yourself? How do you love yourself without being selfish or arrogant or getting caught up in the epidemic of “Me-ism”?

As a backdrop for our thinking along these lines, remember that verse in Luke 10: “Love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength… and love your neighbor as you love yourself.”

Jesus follows this up by saying: “Do this and you will live.”

In this important section of scripture, three kinds of love are spelled out… two directly and one implied… obviously… love for God, obviously… love for neighbor… and then the third kind of love… love for self.

Jesus calls directly for us to love God and neighbor… and He implies that it’s OK to love yourself.

Now, I want us to look at that implication because over the years as I have worked with people I have become increasingly convinced that it is not only OK to love yourself, but that it is tremendously important… to love yourself in the right way.

Proper self-love or positive self-esteem is essential to health and happiness and wholeness. Let me show you what I mean.

Some months ago on a Friday evening, I had just finished a wedding rehearsal and had come back to my office to clear off my desk before leaving to go home for the night.

The church was empty and dark and quiet. But then I heard a knock at the door. When I responded, I found a well-dressed young man who looked to be in his mid-forties.

I found out later that he was an attorney from another city. His face was pale and drained. Fear and panic were in his eyes.

I invited him in. We introduced ourselves. He sat down and started talking. He said:

“I need your prayers. I feel so terribly alone, so confused and mixed-up. I can’t seem to pray to God for myself and I have no friends anymore to help me or pray for me. I came to Houston tonight with the thought of ending it all, but then I saw the steeple of your church and that stopped me… and I thought there might be some help here for my loneliness.”

I told him our church would like to help him… and asked him if he could tell me more about what was troubling him. He said:

“Everything’s gone wrong. I have lost confidence in my professional ability, my wife has left me, I can’t get along with my children, I’m cut off from my parents and my in-laws, I’m having conflicts with my co-workers, I have been drinking heavily… Everybody’s left me and I don’t blame them. I have been bitter and hostile. I have done so many mean and cruel things… and now I have so many problems.”

He paused for a moment, took a deep breath and then he leaned forward and said:

“To tell you the truth, I think all those problems are really symptoms. My real problem is that I don’t like myself… and that taints everything I touch and do!”

Well, he was probably right. When you don’t like yourself,… when you don’t feel good about yourself, it smudges and distorts every relationship.

As I listened to that young lawyer, I found myself remembering a quote I had read some time before. I looked it up and read it to him. It was something Dr. John Sutherland Bonnell had said when he was pastor of the Fifth Avenue Presbyterian Church in New York City. Listen to this:

“Whenever one finds an individual who has become a found of bitterness,… taunting and criticizing people,… saying cruel things that wound the hearts of friends… one may be sure that he is dealing with someone who hates himself, who loathes and despises himself… and the bitterness manifested by such a person is but the projection of his own contempt for himself.” (Bonnell, Do You Want To Be Healed? p.97)

- I’m thinking of the alcoholic who despises himself and what he is becoming, who loathes his inability to cope with his problem, who wrestles constantly with guilt and as a result is mean to his wife and children.

- I’m thinking of the college student who doesn’t study, flunks her exam and then disgusted with herself, lashes out at her roommate with hostile, critical words.

- I’m thinking of the business executive who misses out on the big deal, “blows it,” loses it… and then aggravated with himself comes home and berates his family with a temper tantrum and kicks the dog.

Let’s be honest now. Think about your own life for a moment. Isn’t it true that usually when we fuss at someone else, it’s because we are really upset with ourselves!

Dr. Ernest Fitzgerald tells of having a bad day where he had mishandled some things and he came home frustrated and angry with himself. Now it so happened that his wife had bought him a new suit that day. He tried it on… and then complained bitterly: “I can’t believe you bought this suit. It looks horrible. The color is wrong. The style is wrong. It doesn’t fit.”

“OK! OK!” his wife responded. “I’ll take it back!”

The next day was a great day for Dr. Fitzgerald. He accomplished a lot and corrected some of his mistakes of the day before… and he came home whistling, feeling good about himself and about life. When he went into the master bedroom, he immediately saw a suit hanging on his closet door… and he thought, “Great, my wife has exchanged the other suit for this one.”

He tried it on: “Now, this is more like it. This suit looks good. It feels good and it fits great. It’s perfect,” he said to his wife.

To which she responded. “Ernest, that just happens to be the same suit you tried on yesterday!!”

Isn’t that the way it works?

- When we are unhappy with ourselves we project that aggravation toward other people.
- On the other hand, when we feel good about ourselves, we are more loving, patient, kind and gracious toward everyone we see.

Many of our deep personal problems arise from a lack of proper self-love.

Many of the sins we commit, wrongs we do, crutches we lean on, irritations we experience,… come from not feeling good about ourselves.

It’s what Transactional Analysis calls “feeling not OK.”

How important it is that we have a healthy sense of self-esteem! The poet put it like this:

“I have to live with myself and so,
I want to be fit for myself to know.
I want to be able as the days go by
Always to look myself square in the eye.

I don’t want to keep on a closed shelf
A lot of secrets about myself
And fool myself as I come and go
Into thinking that nobody else will ever know...

I don’t want to stand at the setting sun
And hate myself for the things I’ve done.
Whatever happens I want to be
Self-respecting and conscience free.

I have to live with myself and so
I want to be fit for myself to know.”

Self-respect is so important.

A healthy self-love is essential to a productive, creative and meaningful life.

Self-hatred is destructive and dangerous. Low self-esteem is crippling. Let me be more specific by listing for your consideration some bad consequences of disliking ourselves.

I. FIRST, DISLIKING OURSELVES CAN LEAD TO BITTER INSECURITY… and this bitter insecurity can cause persons to be critical of everything and hostile toward everyone.

Dag Hammarskjöld said it like this: “A man who is at war with himself will be at war with others.”

This bitter insecurity can cause us to be worried all the time, fretful, running scared, anxiety-ridden and suspicious of everyone and everything.

Some people are so insecure that they even turn genuine compliments into defeats and insults. One time I said to a lady, “My, My! Don’t you look nice today! Quick as a flash she retorted: “You said ‘today’! I guess that means you think I usually don’t look nice!”

That kind of bitter insecurity which springs from a dislike of one’s self is destructive and depleting. It robs us of the joy of life… and makes everybody uncomfortable.

II. SECOND, DISLIKING OURSELVES CAN LEAD TO JEALOUSY and this jealousy can cause us to be envious, resentful and sometimes cruel.

When you don’t like yourself, then you see every person as a rival, as the enemy, as someone who has it better than you, as someone you have to put down or undercut.

A couple of years ago, a woman came to see me. She wanted me to arrange for her to see a psychiatrist. She said:

“I have a real problem that is getting out of hand. I am extremely jealous. I resent the good fortune of my friends… and I’m so suspicious of my husband that I’m afraid I may fly into a rage and cause someone to get hurt.”

I referred her to a psychiatrist and after one session he called me and said: “I know her problem. She doesn’t like herself and she can’t like or love anyone else until she learns how to feel good about herself.”

Self-hate is so dangerous. It can lead to a volatile jealousy and cause us to hurt other people, even those closest to us.

III. THIRD AND FINALLY, DISLIKING OURSELVES CAN LEAD TO SELF-PITY.

Remember how Charley Brown put it: “I know the world is filled with hatred because the whole world hates me!”

This kind of self-pity causes us to look for crutches… temporary attempts at “pick-me-ups” like drugs or alcohol… that only add to the problem. They don’t pick us up; they let us down. They don’t make us stronger; they make us weaker.

Now, let me conclude.

- Do you want to feel good about yourself?
- Do you want to like yourself more?

Then… Remember this… You are special to God! You are valuable to Him! You are the child of God and nothing can cut you off from Him and His love.

You are a unique partner with God. A teacher once asked on a quiz the question: “What is in the world now that was not here 50 years ago?” One little girl wrote simply… “Me!”

She was right. You and I are unique to the world. You and I are new and different from anything this world has ever seen. You and I have something unique to do, something unique to offer and give and be.

We can’t all be Schweitzers or Carvers or Wesleys or Mother Teresas or Pauls, but all God wants is that we use what we have, do what we can do, become what we can become.

Edwin Markham said: “There is waiting a work where only your hands can avail and so if you falter… a chord in the music will fail!”

You are special to God, you are valuable to Him.

If you ever doubt that or wonder about that… then remember the story about the old man who was brought into a hospital emergency room on a stretcher late one evening.

He was an apparent hear-attack victim. He looked poor and disheveled and appeared to be unconscious. Two young medical students working there took one look at him and one of them said: “What in the world should we do with this worthless wretch?”

The old man opened his eyes slightly and in an amazingly strong voice said: “Call him not worthless for whom Christ died!!”

Christianglobe Networks, Inc., Collected Sermons, by James W. Moore