Listen! Don't miss even the first sentence of this sermon, because it sets the stage for everything I'll be saying today.
One of the greatest tragedies is to die without knowing who you are. Or, you can put it this way: One of the greatest tragedies is to live denying who you are. Let me say that again. One of the greatest tragedies is to die without knowing who you are. Or, you can put it this way: One of the greatest tragedies is to live denying who you are.
This is our third sermon in the series Christians under Construction and in Recovery. We're talking about growing in self esteem. It's one of the biggest issues in life for all of us. I doubt if any person here has not had to deal with it in one way or another. I'm certain that every "recovering" person here, and every person plagued by an addiction who is not yet in recovery is tormented by the question of self worth. What I want to say to all of us is this: "You are more than you think you are."
The back door slammed and the little boy came into the kitchen, threw his baseball down on the floor and stood there on the verge of tears. "What in the world is the matter?" his mother asked. "Did you lose the game?"
"Worse than that," the little fellow sobbed. "I was traded.""Now, now,". "That's all part of the game. Sometimes even the world's greatest baseball stars are traded. Why should being traded upset you so?"
"Because," the little boy said, "I was traded for Harry's six year old sister."
Now that would do something for your self-esteem wouldn't it?
I.
Let's begin at that point, recognizing that our self image, and sense of self worth is shaped by forces we have little to do with, certainly forces which we do not control.
Charles H. Cooley is one the most important modern social scientist and is considered the dean of American Sociology. He developed the concept of the "Looking glass self." Person who have taken even an elementary course in sociology have been introduced to this concept of human understanding. Cooley's theory goes like this: A person's self-concept is established by what he/she thinks the most important persons in his/her life think of him/her. Do you get that? Our self image is shaped by what we think the most important persons in our life think of us.
Well, who are the most important persons in our life at the time when our identity is being formed, our self image shaped? Our family: mothers, fathers, siblings and our closest friends.
What I want to say now is not designed to make anyone's guilt more pronounced, but to give us a perspective on how we come to be as we are, but also to give us direction for relating to others -- especially to little ones. So, young parents, you listen listen especially well.
What others said "you are" when we were children, to a marked degree becomes the "I am" as we grow older and claim our identity. David Seamands made it more specific. "The perceived 'you are's' of the parents become the inner "I am's " of the children. Shall I say that again? "The perceived 'you are's' of the parents become the inner 'I am's' of the children.
I do not want to limit this to parents or stepparents, because other family members, and a lot of other people also play a major role. However, there is no doubt parents are the main ones involved. It is not that they necessarily word their rejection and say, "You are this" or "you are that." The message is given by their overall personalities, their inner and outer bearing and demeanor, by the radar they send out.
Let me illustrate what I mean. Here is a list of "You are's" which easily become "I am's."
You've no right to feel that way.If you can't say something nice, don't say anything.Why do you always do things like that?If there's a wrong way to do it, you'll find it.What makes you so stupid? clumsy? dumb? slow? silly?All you gotta' do is use your head once in a while.I can't believe you did such a thing.
Do you see it? The "you are's" become the "I am's" of persons because we accept the image imposed on us by the people who mean the most to us.
This kind of shaping another person's self-image becomes a "pain that never goes away."
II.
Come at it from a slightly different perspective. However it happens, if we think we are nothing, we will live and act as though we were nothing. Underscore that in your mind or write it down if you're taking notes. If we think we are nothing, we will live and act as though we were nothing.
I once heard Jack Parr say a very insightful thing on a T.V. show. He said, " My life seems like one long obstacle course, with me as the chief obstacle."
Do you feel that way sometimes -- that life is an obstacle course and that we are the chief obstacle, in living life to the fullest, as God would have it, and as Christ offers it.
The Bible is right. As we think in our hearts so we are. Paul uses a remarkable phrase in Ephesians 1:18. "The eyes of your heart." You see, our hearts do have eyes by which we see ourselves from the very depths of our personality. "And when we see ourselves from the perspective of destructive I am's, then our self-esteem is affected from the very center of our being." (Seamands, ibid., p.157)
If we think we are nothing then we will live and act as though we were nothing.
III.
Shift gears now... to the positive and that on which we must concentrate if we're going to build our self-esteem, or actualize the fact that we are more than we think we are.
If you haven't before, deep inside you -- way down in the depth of your being you must believe that we are God's creation, God loves us and God doesn't want you to live a mediocre life. Now if your taking notes that's the third point of the sermon. We've got to believe that we are God's creation, that God loves us and God doesn't want us to live a mediocre life.
You've got to believe that -- and only you can do it. Building self-esteem is an inside job. If we keep depending on others, on circumstances, or performance, or success, self-esteem will forever elude us. You've got to believe in the depths of your being that God doesn't want you to live a mediocre life.
God can never settle for any one of us being less than He intended. And what did God intend? You heard it in our Scripture lesson, the eighth Psalm.
When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers.The moon and the stars that you have established;what are human beings that you are mindful of them, mortals that you care for them?
Yet you have made them a little lower than God.And crowned them with glory and honor.You have given them dominion over the works of your hands; you have put all things under their feet.
That's pretty clear isn't it? We are taken care of by God. The King James Version says we were created a little lower than the angels, but the Revised Standard Version and a number of other translations, say "a little lower than God."
Wow! That's who we are: "a little lower than God...and crowned with glory and honor..."
I read recently of an elderly bachelor and a never married woman who started going together. Each had lived alone for many years. Gradually, the old gentleman recognized a real attachment to the woman but was shy and afraid to tell her his feelings. Finally, he mustered up the courage to say, "Let's get married!"
Surprised, she threw up her hands and shouted, "It's wonderful to think about, but who in the world would have us?"
It's easy to sink into that kind of not worth much self understanding. When I'm blue and am down on myself, when depression threatens to turn the sky of my life into dark clouds of gloom, when I sense that I'm becoming to occupied with failure, I try to think of the psalmist assessment of me: "a little less than God, and crowned with glory and honor."
We've got to believe it -- way down in the depths of our being that God does not want us to live a mediocre life. We are God's creation, God loves us and so we can be far more than we think we are.
IV.
Now my final point. There is something we can be, but will never be apart from Jesus Christ.
Go back to the theory of Charles H. Cooley, the Dean of modern Sociology -- his concept of the looking glass self. A person's self-concept is established by what he or she thinks the most important person in his or her life thinks of him or her.
Here my friend, is where Christians must center. Though essential, it's not enough to believe that we are created and loved by God and that He doesn't want us to live a mediocre life. Low self-esteem, self-devaluation and self-hate may continue after we believe that --even after we become Christians, even after we become Spirit filled Christians. For many the personality damages have been so great, the forces that have shaped our self-image have done such a destructive job that conversion to Christ is not enough to overcome the grip these notions of worthlessness have on us.
The grip is sometimes so great that we feel that God also, disapproves of us and thinks we are nothing. "The first step in our healing is to realize that God understands where the feelings are coming from and is as broken hearted about it as we are. He wants to work with us in freeing us from them, for He doesn't want His children despising themselves. Truly our only hope is a whole new way of viewing ourselves through the eyes of grace." (Seamands, p.157). And those eyes of grace center of Jesus Christ. There is something we can be but will never be apart from Jesus Christ.
As Christians the most important person in our lives is Jesus. Therefore, our self-concept may and can be established by what He thinks of us. Listen again to our text from John.
See what love the Father has given us, that we should be called the children of God; and that is what we are. The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.
Beloved, we are God's children now; what we will be has not been yet been revealed. What we do know is this: when He is revealed, we will be like Him, for we will see Him as He is.
Listen, my friends, Jesus loves you as though you were the only person in the world to love. He loves you so much that He died for you. The cross would have happened if you were the only one who would receive that grace. That's what Jesus thinks of you. Will you let that love shape your life?
Let me make some very practical suggestions now -- the kind of suggestions I would make if you and I were in a counseling session, talking about your feelings of worthlessness. One, locate and face the painful places, persons, and experiences of your past which you feel are the chief sources of your low self-esteem.
Now we don't do this in order to blame others or to evade our own responsibilities. We do it in order that we might honestly face up to our feelings -- feelings that we may have kept buried for years. You may do this with a counselor or a trusted friend, or a pastor, or if you are in a Twelve Step Program, you'll do it in step four as you work with your inventory. But, friend, the dynamic that will make this work is your willingness to claim what Jesus thinks of you and how He loves you.
Two, as you face and feel the pain of past experiences, forgive everyone involved. "As strange as it may sound, resentment and hate keep us chained to the people and the pains of the past. Only forgiveness and love can free us from both the painful memories and the destructive evaluations of the past." (Seamands, p.162).
Three, commit yourself to daily cooperation with Christ to give you a renewed self-image. There's something you can be but will never be apart from Jesus Christ, and that takes hard work. Transformation is rarely instantaneous, and or easy. It involves the tough process of renewing the mind. That involves forgiving those who have wronged and hurt us in the past -- but also forgiving ourselves and refusing to continue flagellating ourselves for past sins.
Hear John's word again. "See what love the Father has given us, that we should be called the children of God; and that is what we are...." Beloved, we're God's children now; what we will be has not yet been revealed. What we do know is this: When He is revealed, we will be like Him, or we will see Him as He is.
Fred Craddock, Professor of Preaching at Candler School of Theology, Emory University, tells one of the most meaningful stories I've ever heard that illustrates the power of our being children of God.
Craddock and his wife were vacationing in Gatlinburg, Tennessee. They were seated at a table in a restaurant when an old man came up to them and asked them, "How are you doing? Are you having a good time? Are you on vacation?"
"Yes" said Professor Craddock, "we are vacationing, and yes, we are having a good time."
"What do you do for a living?" the old man asked.
Professor Craddock, wanting to get rid of the old man and return to the private conversation he was having with his wife, answered, "I'm a professor of homiletics." He was sure that a title like that would drive off the unwelcome intruder. But it didn't.
"Oh, you're a preacher," the old man said. "Let me tell you a preacher story."
It seems as if every has a preacher story, and Professor Craddock did not want to hear another one. But before he could do anything, the old man had drawn up his chair to the table and started to unwind his tale. He said, "I was born an illegitimate child. I never knew who my father was and that very hard on me. The boys at school had names they called me, and they made fun of me. When I walked down the main street of our little town, I felt that people were staring at me and asking that terrible question, 'I wonder who the father of that boy is?' I spent a lot of time by myself and I didn't have any friends. One day a new preacher came to town and everybody was talking about how good he was. I had never gone to church before, but one Sunday Ii thought I would go hear him preach. He was a good preacher. I kept going back. Each time I would go late and leave early so I wouldn't have to talk to anybody. Then one Sunday I got so caught up in the preacher's message I forgot to leave, and before I knew what was happening, he had said the benediction and the sermon was over. I tried to get out of the church, but people had already filled the aisles and I couldn't get past them. Suddenly, I felt a heavy hand on my shoulder. When I turned, that big tall preacher was looking down at me and asking. "What's your name, boy? Whose son are you? I just shook when he asked that question. But before I could say anything, he said, 'I know who you are. I know who your family is. There's a distinct family resemblance. Why you're the son-you're the son-you're the son of God!' You know, mister, those words changed my life."
The old man got up and left, and a waitress came over and asked, "You know who that was?"
"No," answered Professor Craddock.
"That's Ben Hooper. Two term governor of Tennessee." (Tony Campolo, It's Friday, but Sunday's Coming, Word Publishing, p.42)
That man learned that he was a child of God and it changed the whole way that he viewed himself. That's the answer -- that's the way we grow in self-esteem -- that's the way can be more than we think we are -- to claim who we are -- children of God and allow Christ to continue to reveal that to us and shape us into the persons we potentially are.
