Luke 12:49-53 · Not Peace but Division
Family Ties and Good-byes
Luke 12:49-56
Sermon
by Ron Lavin
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If ever we needed to strengthen the institution of family, it's today. Many forces of evil are pulling the family apart. Ethical relativism, which teaches that there are no absolutes, not even God, is increasingly popular. Immorality abounds. Listening and hearing one another seems to be a lost art in many homes. Spouses often seem to be going in opposite directions. Parents and children have a hard time communicating. Many modern homes are little more than large telephone booths where arrangements are made to leave.

At first glance, our text appears to compound the problem of the divided family. Jesus says, "I came to bring fire to the earth, and how I wish it were already kindled! ... Do you think that I have come to bring peace to the earth? No, I tell you, but rather division! From now on five in one household will be divided, three against two and two against three ..." (Luke 12:49-52). That doesn't seem to be a way to focus on good family relationships!

It gets worse: "They will be divided: father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law" (Luke 12:53). It seems at first glance that this fire Jesus advocates is all about destruction and division. In fact, one of the primary purposes of fire is to cleanse and purify. Divisions may come, but God's first purpose in sending fire to families is to cleanse and purify people's lives and relationships. Before looking at the family good-byes that may be involved when one person comes to faith and other family members don't, let's look at God's intention of establishing family ties.

God created male and female and established marriage and family. God said, "It is good." Family ties are more than human contracts; they are part of God's order.

Psalm 68:6 (NIV) says, "God sets the lonely in families." Our most fundamental loneliness is only fulfilled by a relationship with our Maker, but we have a loneliness for human contact as well. In other words, it's God's intention to give us a preview of fulfillment as members of his eternal family by placing us in loving family relationships in this life. The Bible speaks of the relationship between God and human beings in terms of a groom and bride (Revelation 21:2). Family ties are good when we see these ties as a foretaste of the ties we will have in heaven with God and his heavenly host. God works to establish these human ties, to strengthen and purify them.

Family ties are strengthened and purified when the members of the family remember the order of creation: God first; family second; work third. When this order of creation is followed, families come closer to one another. When this order is upset and something other than God is in first place, there is disharmony and division.

For example, Carol had a low self-image and an inferiority complex. She was sure no man would ever propose marriage to her, but when Harry did, she jumped at the proposal and said, "Yes," immediately. She dedicated herself to making Harry happy. He didn't pray, so she stopped. He didn't go to church, so she didn't go, either. Carol had gone to church as a child and loved it, but her children seldom attended because Harry said that churches were just after your money and were worthless. She had been raised as a Christian, but her faith began to fade as she was away from the Christian fellowship, the Word and the sacraments. Carol was over-dependent on Harry. He was number one in her life. The weather forecast for Carol's life was blizzards with no sign of sunlight in sight.

Harry devoted himself first, last, and always to his work as a television anchorman. He was successful and rich and he wanted to keep it that way. He said he believed there was a God, but he was a practical atheist. He lived as if there was no God. He neglected God. He also neglected his family. The weather forecast for Harry's life and afterlife was: "Tornado coming. Beware." Blinded by his drive for success, Harry reversed the order of creation. He made work first; family second; and God third. Of course, he didn't believe in the order of creation, so this reversal and its destructive end was not apparent to him. He died of a sudden heart attack at age fifty.

Carol was devastated. She had built her life around Harry. Now he was gone. Grief threatened to ruin the rest of her life. Depression gained a foothold and threatened never to let go. Fortunately, a friend invited Carol to a grief recovery class at her church. There Carol learned that grief is a natural reaction to the death of a loved one, but if a person stayed in that state of depression for a long time, that was a sign that something was wrong in the relationship. One woman in the group confessed that she stayed depressed after her husband died for over a year and the reason was that she had made her husband the number one thing in her life. It suddenly dawned on Carol that that's what she had done, too. "It helped me when I got back to church and got my priorities straightened out," the woman said. "God is the only number one that works."

Carol asked her friend if she could go to church with her the next Sunday. There she found a welcoming fellowship and a pastor who helped her feel that she was once again a part of the family of God. Grief, like a blizzard, passed through but did not stay permanently in Carol's life. As Carol got back to the order of creation with God first, family (her two children) second, and work third, her life was integrated. She found peace.

Harry had been a good provider, and the insurance money helped to keep Carol's family going, but after six months with no paychecks, Carol realized she needed to get back to work. She talked to some of the people where Harry worked. They found a place for her. In the next two years, she got three promotions. Her confidence level rose.

She met a man named Stan at church. After nine months of dating, Stan proposed. Carol went into this marriage with her eyes wide open. "I love you, Stan," she said, "but I love God more." "I understand," he said. "That's the way it's supposed to be." At age 49, life began again for Carol.

Family ties are strengthened when family members love and respect God above everything else and have love and respect for one another. Absolute obedience belongs only to God, but we are called to honor those over us in the Lord (parents) and be honorable to those under us in the Lord (children). Spouses are guided in their relationship by Jesus' words, "Just as I have loved you, love one another" (John 13:34).

By the time she got married for the second time, Carol's children were 24 and eighteen. Harry Jr., the oldest, was a senior in college. Mary, the youngest, was just graduating from high school. They had never respected their mother because she was too easy on them. Their father had made all the decisions as they were growing up. There was another problem. Harry, Sr., was an alcoholic. Family members were ashamed of his condition, so they kept it a secret.

Harry, Jr., and Mary didn't oppose their mother's marriage to Stan, but they weren't too excited about it, either. They said, "We'll be gone soon. She can do as she pleases."

One day when Carol tried to correct Mary for staying out beyond the agreed upon time of return from a date, Mary flew out of control, showing major disrespect for her mother and cursing her out for "never letting me do what I want." Stan decided that he had seen enough of this kind of behavior, so he went to Mary's room, knocked, and entered. She was crying. He listened to her sobs; then he listened to her side of the story. When she was done crying and feeling sorry for herself, Stan said, "In our religion we teach respect for parents as one of the basic teachings for the family. You may not agree with your mother, but you've got to get your act together and show her more respect." He turned on his heels and walked out the door.

It didn't change Mary right away, but little by little she came to realize that her lack of respect was hurting everyone, including herself. Two years later, when she and her fiancé decided to get married, she attended the pastor's class at her mother's church, and heard the Ten Commandments explained. When it came to the fourth Commandment, "Honor your father and your mother ..." Mary realized that she was going to have to show more respect for her mother and stepfather if she ever expected her children to honor and respect her. Mary and her new husband joined the church. Family ties got stronger for Mary.

That was not the case with Mary's brother, Harry, Jr.

Harry, Jr., called "Junior" by his family, respected neither his father nor his mother. In his opinion, his father had been a drunk; his mother a weakling. He didn't know Stan and he didn't want to know him. He had his own life now. He worked as a weatherman for a small television station hundreds of miles from where his mother lived. He hardly ever came home. When he got married, he and his wife ran with a crowd that went to a lot of parties where there was alcohol and drugs. He was a weatherman, but he could not forecast what was coming to his own life. His mother phoned him and sent him letters encouraging him to come back to the faith and find a church like she and Mary had. It was all to no avail.

Family ties are strengthened when each member of a family makes a commitment to Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. When one or more family members are unbelievers, barriers go up, divisions spread, and estrangements happen. That's what Jesus means when he talks about family good-byes.

Stan and Carol had made a commitment to Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. Mary and her new husband also made that commitment. By taking seriously that Jesus is number one in life, family is in second place, and work is in third place, these four had a unity to their lives that was absent from the lives of Junior and his wife. Unless, or until, Junior and his wife come to faith in Jesus Christ, they will continue to be outsiders. It isn't so much that Christians separate from outsiders; outsiders separate from those who are Christians. Carol continued to invite Junior and his wife to come home for a visit, but the answer was usually that they were too busy to make the drive and they didn't want to stay at the house. What was Carol's alternative? Keep on inviting them. Keep praying for them. "But they are adults and must make up their own minds," Carol thought. A voice in her mind responded, "Look for  openings."

When Junior lost his job because of his drinking and taking drugs, Carol was there, offering a listening ear and urging her son to get help with his drinking problem. When Junior was divorced by his wife, Carol was there. "If you turn your life over to God and get to an AA group, you will get help," she said. He turned a deaf ear to his mother.

When Junior began to live on the streets, and occasionally showed up at Carol's house, she always let him stay as long as he didn't drink. As soon as he began to drink again, she and Stan told Junior he'd have to go. "We won't tolerate intolerable behavior," Stan said, "because to tolerate intolerable behavior is to encourage intolerable behavior."

"You sound like a preacher," Junior said. From that point on, Junior didn't call his stepfather Stan. He'd call him Preacher, and then he'd snicker.

The final family good-bye came when Junior got drunk and started throwing things at his mother's house. The police were called. Junior was locked up. When he was finally released, he took off, leaving this note for his mother and Stan:

Dear Mom and Preacher

I'm leaving town. Don't expect to see me again. I'm sick and tired of all this talk about the Lord and church. I'm not going to listen to your sanctimonious talk about my drinking problem, AA, and going to worship. I've had enough of it. When you count the members of the family, count me out. Good-bye.          

Your former son,
Harry, Jr.

The gospel of Jesus Christ is good news, but when someone is locked into their sins, they may see it as bad news. The fire of the gospel is intended to cleanse family relationships. On some occasions, the fire of the gospel is too hot for certain family members to handle. They flee from the family that embraces the gospel. They say, "Good-bye."

Jesus had serious trouble in his own family. Maybe that's why he spoke so strongly about what happens when family members reject the gospel. In Luke 4:16-30 we read that when Jesus preached in his hometown of Nazareth there was great conflict.   

We pick up the story with the hometown folks being very proud of the local boy's popularity. Jesus' sermon in his hometown synagogue went well. He read from a passage in Isaiah:

The spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has sent me to bring good news to the oppressed, to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and release to the prisoners....The spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has sent me to bring good news to the oppressed, to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and release to the prisoners....

As he rolled up the scroll of scripture and sat down, all eyes were upon him. What would he say next?

"Today this scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing," he said.

The crowd was excited. Comments were made: "Dramatic." "Dynamic." "Such a preacher." "A little exaggerated, but he's young." "He'll learn not to be so personal." "What does he mean that the scripture is fulfilled today?"

Then someone added, "Isn't this Joseph's son?" That got some murmuring started. There was a buzz in the air. Jesus recognized it for what it was. He addressed it directly.

"Doubtless you will quote to me this proverb, ‘Doctor, cure yourself!' And you will say, ‘Do here also in your hometown the things that we have heard you did at Capernaum.' "

The murmuring increased. If you had been there, maybe you would have heard whispers like this: "How could he have heard what we were saying? We are too far away for him to hear. Is he a mind reader? Who does he think he is?"

With authority Jesus rebuked the crowd: "Truly I tell you, no prophet is accepted in the prophet's hometown." That comment turned the crowd into a mob. "Why is he blaming us?" "What did we ever do to him?" "Is Joseph's son suddenly condemning his friends?"

We pick up the story in verse 29. "When they heard this, all the synagogue were filled with rage" (emphasis mine). In the account of the same story in Matthew 13:54-58 and Mark 6:1-6, we are told that Jesus' brothers and sisters were in the synagogue that day. Listen to what happened next. "They got up, drove him out of town, and led him to the brow of the hill on which their town was built, so that they might hurl him off the cliff" (Luke 4:29).

Did Jesus' own brothers and sisters participate in this threat of death? We aren't told, but we are told that they were there. We don't read anywhere that they protested this treatment of their brother. Was there leftover bitterness and resentment because Jesus had left the family to become an itinerate preacher? Possibly so. Wasn't the oldest son supposed to take care of the family when the father died? Yes, he was. Why didn't Jesus fulfill his duty as the oldest son? Good question. Was there jealousy in the family because of Jesus' popularity? Quite possibly. What we know is that there was conflict in Jesus' family and the conflict was about who he was and what he was teaching.

On another occasion, Jesus was told that his mother and brothers and sisters were present in a crowd that had gathered. Jesus replied, "Who are my mother, brothers, and sisters? Those who do the will of God are my mother, brothers, and sisters" (Matthew 12:46-50). That comment must have added fuel to the fiery family conflict.

This conflict in Jesus' family was eventually resolved. We don't know all the details of the reconciliation, but we read in Acts 1:13-14 that the group that met for prayer in the upper room after Jesus' resurrection included Mary and Jesus' brothers. We are told elsewhere that Jesus' brother James became the head of the church in Jerusalem (Acts 15:13). Apparently because of the crucifixion and resurrection, family good-byes became family-of-God ties. When his family realized that Jesus had come back from the dead, they accepted him as Lord and Savior. Accepting Jesus as the resurrected Lord can do that. Believing in the resurrected Lord can work reversal of family good-byes and establish new family ties.

If ever we needed family ties to be established and strengthened, it's today. Faith in the crucified and risen Lord Jesus Christ will do that.

Will Harry, Jr., ever find saving faith in the resurrected Lord? Will he put aside his resentments and bitterness? Will he conquer his addictions? Will he forgive his father for being an alcoholic? Will he forgive his mother for being weak? Will he take responsibility for his own life and quit blaming other people for what goes wrong in his life? The truth of the matter is, we don't know the answers to these questions.

Harry, Jr., is still out there somewhere. Junior, please consider again the open invitation to come home to the family of God and rediscover the wonder of your family. Your mother and stepfather, your sister and her family are waiting. So is God, your Father.

CSS Publishing Company, Inc., Sermons for Sundays After Pentecost (Middle Third): Only the Lonely, by Ron Lavin