Dictionary: Rest
Showing 1551 to 1575 of 2051 results

1551. Forgetful Funeral
Illustration
Bruce McIver
... . "I can see old John now," the pastor intoned dramatically, "I can see old John now, on the isle of Patmos, looking out from that dungeon cell . . . into yon distant horizon . . . and saying . . . " And then a long pause. Some hemming and hawing. Shifting from one foot to the other. Then the pastor took another stab at the passage. But he couldn't get past John in that prison cell. So he began talking about Heaven, and sheep, and still waters. Then he leaned into the pulpit, and with all manner of gravity ...

1552. Slam the Door Shut
Humor Illustration
... door did not close and, in fact, almost magically bounced back open. She tried again, really putting her back into it and slammed the door again with the same amazing result the door bounced back open. Convinced that one of the young religious zealots was sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a third slam. She felt this would really teach them a lesson. But before she could act, one of them stopped her and politely said, "Ma'am, before you do that again, you really should move your cat ...

1553. Student Gems
Humor Illustration
Gems taken from examination papers written by students: Strategy is when you don't let the enemy know that you are out of ammunition, but keep on firing. A virgin forest is a forest in which the hand of man has never set foot. A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water, then forcing it through an aviator. An active verb shows action; a passive verb shows passion. A census taker is a man who goes from house to house increasing the population. Water is composed of two gins. Oxygen and Hydrogen. ...

1554. What About the Potatoes?
Humor Illustration
... anyone complain about anything since I've been here." And the commissar then said, "Well, what about the crops?" "Oh," he said, "the crops are wonderful." "What about the potatoes?" "Oh, sir," he said, "there are so many that if we put them in one pile they would touch the foot of God." And the commissar said, "Just a minute. In the Soviet Union there is no God." And the farmers said, "Well, there are no potatoes either."

1555. The Ladder to Heaven
Humor Illustration
... a friend, "I had a curious dream last night, but as it was about my vicar. I hardly like to tell it." On being pressed, however, he began. "I dreamt I was dead and was on my way to Heaven, which was reached by a very long ladder. At the foot, I was met by an angel, who pressed a piece of chalk into my hand and said. 'If you climb long enough you will reach heaven, but for every sin you are conscious of having committed you must mark a rung of the ladder with the chalk as you go ...

1556. Building Bridges
Illustration
Staff
... took his bulldozer to the river levee and now it is a creek between us. Well, he may have done this to spite me, but I'll go him one better. See that pile of lumber curing by the barn? I want you to build me a fence an 8-foot fence so I won't need to see his place anymore. Cool him down anyhow." The carpenter said, "I think I understand the situation. Show me the nails and the post hole digger and I'll be able to do a job that pleases you." The older brother had to ...

1557. I Was Born In A Small Town
Humor Illustration
... town and news of it gets back to town before you do. Without thinking, you wave to all oncoming traffic. You don't buy all your vegetables at the grocery store. The city limits signs are both on the same post. The mayor had to annex property to eat a foot long hot dog. The local gas station sells live bait. You go to the State Fair for your family vacation. You get up at 5:30 am and go down to the coffee shop. You're on a first name basis with the county sheriff. You have the number of ...

1558. Practical Joker
Humor Illustration
... the mountains, he would careen around curves at perilous speeds. When a guest would complain about his recklessness, he would yank the steering wheel from its post and toss it over the mountainside. His panic-stricken rider didn't know that he had installed foot controls for steering. McDermott also had a house replete with secret tunnels and sliding panels. It was best known for the wild parties held there. The house featured a hidden room, which was upside down. The rugs and furniture were fastened to the ...

1559. The Forbidden Box
Gen 2-3; Rom 5:12-21
Illustration
Staff
... from that time on. So every time I hit this ax against the tree, it reminds me that if Adam hadn't sinned, I wouldn't have to work." One day his supervisor came and said, "Come here, Sam." He took him to his big, plush, palatial ten-thousand-square-foot mansion. He said, "It's all yours. You can live in it; you can do whatever you want. You've got a swimming pool, a tennis court, and servants everything. Everything in this house is yours. I'm giving it to you because I don't want you to struggle ...

Sermon
King Duncan
... shown that one-third of farmers there have been seriously injured in attacks by sheep, often being charged from behind and receiving damaged knees and broken vertebrae. Meanwhile, in England a twenty-eight year old parachutist named Alison Pearson made a 13,500-foot drop from an airplane without incident except that she landed in a field full of sheep. A ewe in that field panicked at Alison’s sudden arrival and attacked her. Allison received serious chest injuries from being charged by a sheep. Finally ...

Sermon
Leonard Sweet
... will we prophesy our way forward into 2012? What do we hope for in 2012? What does your soul crave for this coming year? Will you do anything about it? Will you throw your hat over the fence? A farmer asked his son to remove the boards from a six foot high fence that needed repair. When the farmer went to check on his son, the young man, wearing his favorite cowboy hat, was standing in front of the fence just staring at it. "What's the matter, son?" the farmer asked. "Well, this fence is so high and it'll ...

John 1:43-51
Sweet
Leonard Sweet
... called disciples proclaim Jesus to be the “Lamb of God” (v.36), the “Messiah” (v.41), the one about whom Moses wrote (v.45), the “Son of God” (v. 35, 49), and the “King of Israel” (v.49). There is no pussy-footing around about Jesus’ divine distinctiveness in these first encounters, Jesus’ public ministry begins with clear theological pronouncements in John’s text. Having already been identified by John the Baptist and joined by first followers Andrew and Simon Peter, on this “fourth ...

1563. So Much More than Anticipated
Luke 2:22-40
Illustration
John A. Stroman
... away. He said he could never explain the splendor that fell upon his soul when he looked on the falls for the first time. Suddenly, right before his eyes, the Zambezi River was a mile wide; it sloped slightly and then cascaded in a 400-foot plunge in a display of awesome splendor. He said for several minutes the sight literally paralyzed him. He knew that something was ahead but his discovery was far beyond his wildest imagination. This is exactly what happened to Simeon in the text. He knew the Messiah ...

Sermon
King Duncan
... do good works.” In a recent book author Max Lucado tells a wonderful story about a ship that is blown off course. It quickly comes across a group of uncharted islands. The ship’s captain orders the boat’s anchor dropped at the first island and sets foot on it. What he discovers is a scene of total despair. Poverty and discord abound on this island. The people are dispirited and demoralized. The Captain and his crew move on to other nearby islands and they, too, reveal villages in the midst of blight ...

Sermon
King Duncan
... . Herod, that despicable monarch, was there . . . as were the soldiers who gambled for Christ’s garments while he hung on the cross . . . and the thieves who died on either side of him . . . and the blessed women, including his mother, who wept at the foot of the cross. Only one disciple, John, the beloved disciple was physically there when Jesus died. Jesus assigned to John the care of his mother. There were other minor characters who were also there when they crucified him including the mob that cried ...

1566. Compassionate Lawyer?
Humor Illustration
... as the limousine was. Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind." "Thank you for taking all of us with you. The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it.You'll really love my place.The grass is almost a foot high." Come on now, you really didn't think there was such a thing as a heartwarming lawyer story...did you?

Sermon
King Duncan
... was a paraplegic. She was confined to a hospital’s extended care ward . . . and there she lived all her days splitting time between her bed and her wheel chair. This dear lady had diabetes and several other problems and over the previous five years she had first one foot, then the other, then a leg, and then another, amputated so that she might be able to go on living. She had considerable pain, most days she was very uncomfortable and she had no family or close friends to come in and visit she had simply ...

1568. Preparation for the Mountaintop
Mark 9:2-9
Illustration
David E. Leininger
... not be interested in the nutritious stuff. They would never have a healthy diet. A mountaintop experience is like dessert. If that is the extent of our spiritual diet, we will be poorly fed. Our faith will be unhealthy. It will be not much more than a spiritual rabbit's foot, something that protects us from problems divine cures for sickness, financial worries, the anxieties of life the glory on the mountain top. We need some preparation before we can truly appreciate the WOW.

1569. Paraprosdokian Sentences
Humor Illustration
... The voices in my head may be fake, but they have good ideas! Hospitality is making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were. I scream the same way whether I'm about to be eaten by a shark or seaweed touches my foot. Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away. You're never too old to learn something stupid. Sometimes my mind wanders and other times it goes away completely. Never ...

1570. Make Me Clean!
Mark 1:9-13
Illustration
King Duncan
... that one summer his boys discovered large clay deposits in the swimming hole he and they had built in the Green River. The boys discovered that this clay made great body paint! They would get all wet, then smear clay over their entire body, head to foot. One day he noticed the two boys covered with clay, with a gleam in their eyes, whispering among themselves. Then they turned toward their mother and declared, “We love you, Mommy!” and ran toward her covered with mud with the intention of giving her a ...

Sermon
Leonard Sweet
... warning I know about the “paralysis of analysis,” and the dangers of a Nicodemite theological sophistication. The centipede, this insect with 100 legs, has no problem walking until you ask him how he does it. Then when the centipede starts thinking about putting down one foot in front of the other 99, it is immobilized. It can’t move. Or in the words of any old ditty about the caterpillar: A caterpillar in the sun Was happy, till a toad begun To ask, ‘Which leg comes after which?’ And left her ...

1572. Aspiring young writers
Humor Illustration
... she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ...

Sermon
King Duncan
... my son, and I actually have an identical scar on my other knee.” Here’s the story: several years ago this young mother “scooped up her toddler son from the swimming pool and began to walk toward a lounge chair. As she stepped onto the tiled patio, her foot slipped on the wet slick surface. She was also seven months pregnant, and it was one of those moments where you feel like you’re moving in slow motion but there’s nothing you can do to stop the fall. Within a split second, she knew her momentum ...

1574. The Greatest Scar Story
John 20:19-31
Illustration
Christi O. Brown
... a brace on each knee and scars on both, but the scars are not from surgery. Here's what happened. Several years ago she scooped up her toddler son from the swimming pool and began to walk towards a lounge chair. As she stepped onto the tiled patio, her foot slipped on the wet slick surface. She was also seven months pregnant, and it was one of those moments where you feel like you’re moving in slow motion but there’s nothing you can do to stop the fall. Within a split second, she knew her momentum was ...

1575. My Golf Book
Humor Illustration
... Twosome. How to relax when you are hitting Three off the Tee. When to suggest major swing corrections to your opponent. God and the meaning of The Birdie-To-Bogey Putt. When to regrip your Ball Retriever. Use a strong grip on the Hand Wedge and Weak Slip on the Foot Wedge. Why male golfers will pay $5.00 a beer from the Cart Girl and give her a $3 tip, but will balk at a $3.50 Beer at the 19th Hole and stiff the Bartender.

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