The Toronto Star invited teachers to submit excuses they had received from their students. They received these examples: A student explaining why he was late: "I was kidnapped by aliens and interrogated for three hours." Another student, telling why he had failed to turn in his essay: "The bus driver read it and liked it so much he kept it to show to his passengers." Another: "I got mugged on the way to school. I offered him my money, my watch, and my penknife but all he wanted was my essay." Mike, a 14- ...
"SDG" -- Soli Deo Gloria, "to God alone be the glory." On each manuscript he completed, Johann Sebastian Bach wrote these three letters. When we imprint those three letters on everything we do, we are living as God would have us live. Soli Deo Gloriato -- God alone be the glory. A teacher of the law asked our Lord, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?" "The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: `Hear, O Israel, the Lord your God is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart ...
"It's just a piece of paper," a teenaged girl says to her father, referring to a marriage license. "What difference does a piece of paper make?" Recent surveys indicate that a disturbing number of young adults in our society are living together without benefit of wedlock. "It's just a ceremony," they say. "What has a ceremony got to do with love?" Such is the spirit of our times. We all know former president Jimmy Carter's commitment to marriage. He is reported to have sent a memo to his aides suggesting ...
Thomas Wheeler, the former Chief Executive Officer of the Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance Company, told a good story on himself. He said that while he and his wife were out driving he noticed they were low on gas. So he pulled off at the first exit and came to this dumpy little gas station with one pump. There was only one man working the place, so he asked the man to fill it up while he checked the oil. He added a quart of oil, closed the hood, and he saw his wife talking and smiling at the gas ...
Bruce Kimball was a 1984 Silver Medalist in the Olympics. Bruce was involved in an accident many years ago. We are told he was intoxicated at the time. Two people were killed. Bruce withdrew from life because of that tragedy. He was depressed. He secluded himself in a trailer home with his father. He had the shades drawn. He turned inward. He was feeling sorry for himself. He could not sleep at night. Just to pass time he would sit and watch television all night long until he couldn’t hold his eyes open ...
Once there was a man who acquired a claim to a gold field in California. The claim was in a lonely spot in the mountains. When the man started to dig for gold, he found evidence that much work had been done on the claim a long while before. Far into the excavation he found an old rusted pick, its handle rotted off but its point sticking firmly in the rocky soil. He went to work and, to his amazement, just a few feet beyond where he had found the pick he came upon a rich vein of gold. Later he would learn ...
CBS News Anchor Dan Rather writes about watching the Flying Valentis while growing up. He writes, "Walking past a vacant lot on our way to school early in the morning, we would come across the Flying Valentis practicing in their long tights and tank tops." The Flying Valentis were a troupe of circus acrobats who traveled and performed throughout the United States. "Although we were used to their art," Rather recalls, "the Flying Valentis never ceased being the wonder of the neighborhood. Every morning it ...
In one of his books author James Moore takes us back to the old West when the major means of transportation was the stagecoach. We’ve seen persons riding in stagecoaches in western movies. What we might not know is that the stagecoach had three different kinds of tickets--first class, second class, and third class. If you had a first-class ticket that meant you could remain seated during the entire trip no matter what happened. If the stagecoach got stuck in the mud, or had trouble making it up a steep ...
A few years ago a group of Christians from the United States visited war-torn Nicaragua. While there, a young man in this group was killed by the Contras. This left the group confused and full of questions. On the next Sunday a memorial service was held. From the altar the priest said, "The peace of the Lord be with you" and people from the congregation, Nicaraguan people, began to embrace these Americans and say, "Paz" or "peace." These people who had suffered in so many ways were passing the peace of ...
If you were asked to buy the tackiest gift imaginable, what would you buy? Martin Marty was once invited to a postnuptial party. He was asked to bring "a gift in the worst possible taste." The purpose was to embarrass the newly married couple. They would open their gifts standing in front of their family and friends and "ooh and aah" as they opened each tacky item. Marty found a five and dime store and began his search for the tackiest gift. To his delight he discovered a yellow plastic dove with a silver ...
Have you ever wanted to give God suggestions about how He ought to do things? Not earth-shattering suggestions, perhaps. Just simple things ” like the foods we eat. Why not put all the vitamins and minerals in the tasty foods? Save all the fat and cholesterol for spinach and liver and Brussel sprouts. And perhaps God could do a little better job of distributing the weather. The Mid-west doesn't need as much rain as it has been receiving. Meanwhile there are places in the world that are experiencing drought ...
May I ask you a question? Who are you? It sounds like a simple question requiring a simple answer, but it really isn't. For example, you might say, "I'm Fred Smith." And I might say, "No, that's your name. Who are you, really?" You might reply, "Oh, I'm a bank manager." "No," I would say, "that's what you do." "I'm an American," you might declare. "That's where you live." "I'm a [Baptist]," you might retort. "That's your denominational preference." You could also give your height and your weight and say ...
A young woman named Donna who got good grades in high school was in her first year of college. She had done poorly on one of her courses. In an attempt to prepare her parents she wrote her mother, "If you see an unfamiliar letter on my report card, remember it's just my first initial. Signed, Donna." As the time neared for grades to be sent home, Donna began to worry. Her worst fears were confirmed one evening when her mother called her. Donna said, "Hi, Mom." Her mother replied coldly, "Hello, Frank." ...
Dr. Paul Pearsall and his wife were attending a meeting in Rome, Italy. Their first stop was a tour of Vatican City. Michelangelo's work in the Sistine Chapel had just been renovated. Dr. Pearsall and his wife waited for hours in line for a glimpse of this remarkable feat. At a distance the paintings did not look all that impressive. People chattered and joked about a paint-by-number replica of Michelangelo's work for their own ceilings. When they drew closer, however, they were overwhelmed. The paintings ...
"Grandfather's Corner," is the story of an old man who lived with his son and his son's wife and children. The man was almost deaf and blind and had difficulty eating without spilling his food. Occasionally, he would drop a bowl and break it. His son and his wife thought it was disgusting and made the old man eat in a corner behind the stove. They gave him a wooden bowl which could not be broken. One day the old man's little grandson was working with some pieces of wood. When his father asked what he was ...
Dr. Robert Schuller, who is known for his emphasis on positive thinking or possibility thinking as he calls it, tells about a man he once met on a flight to Los Angeles. The man was a mathematician named George Dantzig. Schuller made the observation to Dantzig that this was the first time it had occurred to him that there was a field of endeavor to which positive thinking didn't apply. Mathematical problems have only one right answer, so they can't be affected in any way by how a person thinks. Dantzig ...
Lyn Cryderman decided he was tired of the dark, depressing clothes that he had become accustomed to wearing clothes that most men in business wear every day. So one day he worked up enough courage to tell his wife, Esther, he needed a new look. Maybe something that wasn't so conservative. So Esther, with unbounded style-threatening enthusiasm, went on a sartorial mission for her beloved husband. It wasn't long before Lyn noticed a stack of unfamiliar clothes on his side of the closet. As he pulled a ...
We made it so far. Nineteen hundred and ninety-six is nearly over and the world is still here. Why shouldn't it be? Glad you asked. Once there was a bishop named Usher who sat down to figure out exactly when the world began. He did it by consulting Scripture. By tracing the begats and other chronological data in the Bible, he deduced that the world was created in 4004 B.C. Some of our older members may remember when it was common practice for King James versions of the Bible to carry a notation in the ...
In the fifth century B.C., the Jewish people were captives in Persia. With the enthronement of a new Persian ruler, those who chose to return to Judah were allowed to do so. Many started life anew in the area of Jerusalem. Nehemiah was a Jew who had held a high position at the Persian court. He received permission to return to his native land, where he was authorized to take charge of rebuilding the wall of Jerusalem. Nehemiah was a dynamic leader with a gift for organizing and directing the cooperative ...
Someone once made a collection of the thoughts of children about romance. They call it: "Kids say the darndest things . . . about love": What do most people do on a date? "On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for the second date." (Mike, age 10) When is it okay to kiss someone? "You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, ˜cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." (Jim, age 10) ...
"You might be a redneck," says Jeff Foxworthy, "if your grandmother was asked to leave a bingo game because of her language. You might be a redneck if you ever hit a juke box with a pool cue. You might be a redneck if you come back from the dump with more than you took. You might be a redneck if you know how many bales of hay your car will hold. You might be a redneck if your Dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade." I don't know why it is still acceptable in our politically correct ...
For nine seasons, "Seinfeld" was the toprated comedy on the air. It dominated the Thursday night television lineup. But the show almost didn't make it to the airwaves in the first place. The first few episodes didn't test well with audiences. Audience members had a number of discouraging things to say about it. The character of Jerry received a "lukewarm reaction," and was considered by the test audiences to be "dense and naive." The character of George was labeled a "wimp." The whole thing was rated as " ...
We all want to be recognized, appreciated, made to feel important. We all want to be somebody. A banker was visiting a customer's farm. He nodded to a figure in the farmyard. "I suppose that's the hired man," he said. The farmer replied, "Naw, that's the first vice president in charge of cows." All of us what to be recognized. All of us want to believe we are important. Alex Haley, the author of ROOTS served in the Coast Guard during World War II. Because of his race, Haley's jobs were limited to the ...
A distraught woman tried many times to contact her minister only to discover that it was his day off. She made contact with him the next day and scolded him severely. "Pastor, I needed you yesterday," she said, "and you were not there for me. You have let me down. I cannot believe you would take a day off when so many people like me need you." Then she added, "The devil never takes a day off." The minister, a little irritated and with tongue in cheek, responded, "And if I didn't take a day off I would be ...
"SUPERSIZE IT!" Fast food operations hear that word thousands of times a day, giving the word "SUPERSIZE" a new meaning in the ever-expanding English lexicon. Why buy a regular combo meal when, for a few cents more, you can have it SUPERSIZED? More french fries to clog your veins. So much Coke that the colossal cup won't jam into the car's console holder. Perhaps nowhere is the American SUPERSIZED appetite for soda pop better evidenced than at 7-11. Thirsty on your way to work? Stop in and buy a 64-ounce ...