Comedians have a field day with the subject of marriage. The jokes probably number in the thousands. Rita Rudner used this classic: “My mother buried three husbands.” Then she adds, “And two of them were just napping.” One woman said to a friend: “I’m in trouble. I broke my husband’s favorite golf club.” “What did he say?” her friend asked. The first woman smiled and replied, “He said, ‘What hit me?’” Erma Bombeck had this to say: “People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a ...
(Mother's Day) Have you ever noticed that, across time and space, mothers everywhere share certain similarities? Someone compiled a list of possible sayings of Biblical mothers. See if any of these sound familiar: DAVID! I told you not to play in the house with that sling! Go practice your harp. We pay good money for those lessons! ABRAHAM! Stop wandering around the countryside and get home for supper! SHADRACH, MESHACH AND ABEDNEGO! Leave those clothes outside, you smell like a furnace! CAIN! Get off your ...
Near the end of 1981 a couple, Mr. and Mrs. Lewenetz, took a flight from Moscow to the United States to visit his father. When they emerged from their airplane at the end of the trip, they expected to find warm, sunny Florida. Instead, they found themselves in frigid Alaska. The couple did not even realize their mistake, however, until they tried to get a cabdriver to take them to the address of Mr. Lewenetz's father. Later a resident of the town who spoke Russian helped straighten out the problem. An ...
Before television, there was vaudeville. Vaudeville was where many of our best old-time comics learned their trade. Entertainers in vaudeville had to face some pretty tough audiences. So, many of them ended their acts with show-stopping moves to ensure applause at the end. One performer named Eddie Leonard announced at every performance that this was his last show. He guessed (correctly) that very few people would be heartless enough to boo a man who was performing his last show. So, for 20 years, the ...
The soloist had laryngitis. The flower girl was ill with pneumonia. The ring bearer had an accident in his blue-velvet pants just before the ceremony, and the mother-of-the-bride left her dress at home by mistake. Things continued to go downhill after the ceremony. It was the coldest day in Maryland in 20 years The newlyweds, Melissa and Tim Donnelly, had borrowed a 1941 Cadillac to ride away in. It got stuck in the ice in the church parking lot, so Melissa stuffed her gown into the back seat of a two-door ...
One of the first things many young women have to do when embarking on a career in corporate America is to learn a new language--the language of metaphors from the world of sports--metaphors like "swing for the fences," "full-court press," "knock-out punch," etc. Let's face it. Men, for the most part, talk about sports. Surely you've read Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. Men talk about sports; women talk about relationships. At least, that's what the experts say. The Apostle Paul was a man. And so ...
I want to tell you a simple, but moving story about a man named Bill. When Bill was born in the 1930s he was diagnosed with cerebral palsy. The doctor predicted that he would be mentally retarded and urged Bill’s parents to have him institutionalized. Fortunately, they ignored the doctor’s advice. At first, Bill attended a school for children with disabilities. Later he gained entrance to a mainstream high school. This was an unusual accomplishment for a physically challenged person of that era. Then, with ...
In 1865, in a small town in Wisconsin, five-year-old Max Hoffman came down with cholera. Three days later, the doctor pulled the sheets over the boy’s head and pronounced him dead. Little Max was laid to rest in the village cemetery. That night, his mother awoke screaming: she had dreamt that her son was turning over in his grave. Trembling with fear, she begged her husband to go to the cemetery and immediately raise the coffin. Mr. Hoffman did his best to calm his wife, assuring her that while her ...
Sam Houston was the first president of the Republic of Texas. It’s said he was a rather nasty fellow with a checkered past. Later in life Houston made a commitment to Christ and was baptized in a river. The preacher said to him, “Sam, your sins are washed away.” Houston replied, “God help the fish.” It’s fortunate that you and I were not baptized as adults in a river. Somebody would probably be saying, “God help the fish.” A man named Ray says that at one point in his life he considered joining the Baptist ...
There is an old story about a beautiful emperor moth. This emperor moth was really not living, but was tucked away in a cocoon just waiting to be released. As this particular emperor moth was struggling to get through the narrow neck of the cocoon, a boy was intently observing it. As the moth struggled to release himself from the cocoon, the boy felt the moth would never make it out of the cocoon. As the struggle went on for several hours, the boy became increasingly impatient. He thought to himself, " ...
Many years ago a teacher was asking the kids in her fourth grade class to name the person whom they considered the greatest human being alive in the world today and the responses were quick in forthcoming and also quite varied too. A little boy spoke up and said, "I think it's Tiger Woods. He’s the greatest golfer in the world, ever" A little girl said, "I think it's the Pope because he cares for people and doesn't get paid for it at all." Another little girl said, "I think it's President Bush because he's ...
Our scripture lesson for our communion meditation is the 24th chapter of Luke. Will you follow me as we hear the word of God, beginning with the 13th verse of the 24th chapter? (Read Luke 24:13-24) Let us pray. Come Holy Spirit, heavenly dove, with all your quickening powers. Come shed abroad a savior’s love and that will quicken ours. Amen. A few weeks ago, I shared with you a story of a Benedictine monk who is a friend of mine. Now I want you to know that I do have some protestant friends, but I want to ...
It was in the newspaper back in the mid-1950's, during the height of the civil rights movement. An unforgettable picture, which captured not only the emotion of one man, but the deep sense of freedom and joy and release and affirmation of a whole race. A black man, who must have been over 100 years old, was being carried on the shoulders of a group of young men. They were taking him up the steps of a courthouse in a Southern town to register to vote. The caption beneath the picture said he was born a slave ...
Four women were playing bridge together in the Recreation Room of a certain retirement center out in California. As they were playing -- but chatting, more than they were paying attention to their game, they noticed an elderly gentlemen wander into the room. They had never seen him before. He was obviously a newcomer to the Retirement Center. Quickly, the four ladies perked up. One of them said, "Well, hello there. You're new here, aren't you?" The old man smiled and said that he was. "Just moved in this ...
"The noted writer, Thomas Carlyle, once built a soundproof room in his home in London. He did it so he could do his work without interference from outside noises. His neighbor had a rooster that crowed and the crowing bothered Carlyle. Carlyle protested to the neighbor, but the neighbor answered that his rooster crowed only three times a day...and surely that was not a great annoyance. "But," Carlyle said to him, "If you only knew what I suffer just waiting for that rooster to crow!!" (Dr. Jim Moore, "How ...
Football season is going full steam. Emotions are running high, and already folks are making predictions about who is going to make it to the different bowls. Also, there are a lot of stories making the rounds. One is about the sometimes famous coach at the University of Tennessee, Johnny Majors. It seems that Mr. Majors bought a bolt of cloth thinking he would have a suit made out of it. He took the material to his tailor in Knoxville where the tailor measured Majors, examined the bolt of cloth, did some ...
Some time ago I came across a letter which expressed an idea with which I want to begin today. The letter was from a college student to her parents. She said: Dear Mom and Dad: I'm sorry that it has been such a long time since my last letter, but I didn't want to bother you with the fire in the dormitory and the concussion I received falling out the window trying to escape. I want you to know how nice the young service station attendant around the corner was. He provided me comfort all the time that I ...
I don't know when the question became so central in my thinking. It didn't emerge full-blown. At first it was at the edge of my consciousness, but now it's at the very center pressing for attention. It became even more clamoring, even more demanding, even more piercing during these past two weeks as we have shared with people behind the Iron Curtain; as we have shared with Christians who have to ask the question and who have to make a response. It's one of those what-if questions -- you know the kind I am ...
A father was talking with his rather rebellious son one day and said, "Every person who lives in the United States is a privileged person." The boy answered, "I disagree." And the father replied, "That’s the privilege." Tuesday we celebrate the signing of the Declaration of Independence. It is a day we celebrate our freedom. But there is a different kind of freedom that we need to talk about today. Freedom that only Christ can bring. Jesus had attained celebrity status. People were coming from all around ...
Do you have a favorite psalm – other than Psalm 23? Is there a psalm that has spoken to you in a special way? Jerry and I had a wonderful experience about three weeks ago. There is a group of students on our campus who meet together each Sunday evening – they cook a common meal – eat together – then have a time of worship, praise, and prayer. It all began because we don’t serve a meal in the Commons on Sunday night and so three or four of them decided to get together and share food and pray. They rotate, ...
Jerry’s mother and father have died during the past two-and-a-half years. Some of you will remember that Jerry had to go home from the Marco Retreat last year because of the illness of her father (?). Gerald and Lora were outstanding, precious, committed Christians. They had been active in the church all during my relationship to the family. During their last years, unable to go to church, they became very faithful worshipers on Sunday morning with two or three of their favorite TV preachers. One of them ...
Last September, there was a groundbreaking service for a Catholic cathedral that is going to be constructed in Los Angeles. The Diocese of Los Angeles commissioned the famous Spanish architect Jose Rafael Moneo to design the building. Their hope is that the cathedral will be completed by the beginning of the millennium. It’s to be a pectacular witness to the glory of God. There were models of the cathedral at the groundbreaking service and on the basis of the models a Los Angeles Times reporter wrote a ...
It is because we are a people of such high intelligence, and perhaps the threat of product liability litigation, that the following warning labels were recently found on consumer products? On a Duraflame fireplace log: "Caution - Risk of Fire." On a children’s Batman costume: "Warning: Cape does not enable user to fly. On a bottle of hair coloring: "Do not use as an ice cream topping." On a cardboard sun shield for a car: "Do not drive with sun shield in place." And, for the first time parent, this label ...
A couple of years ago a popular slang expression came out that said: “Give it up.” To show you that like someone who is being introduced or a piece of music that’s about to be played, the person making the introduction will indubitably instruct you to “Give it up for..." And you applaud. You scream and yell and jump up and down. You do whatever it takes to show that you really are excited to see this person or hear this particular song. Go ahead; give it up. If that phrase was around a couple of thousand ...
Once upon a time there was a lamb named Edgar. Edgar lived with his family and friends in a large flock that roamed the countryside under the leadership of a kind and protective shepherd. Edgar followed his mother, along with the others, from one grazing spot to another, and seemed perfectly content with his life. He would play games with the other lambs, chase butterflies in the meadows, and nuzzle up close to his mother for afternoon naps in the sun. Like all the other sheep in his flock, he went ...