A farmer was out driving his tractor one day when he rolled onto a stretch of gopher mounds. The earth crumbled beneath one tire and the tractor rolled over on its side. Luckily, the farmer escaped the situation with only a few bruises. He went home and told his wife. She breathed a sigh of relief and said, "Honey, the Lord sure was with you." The farmer surveyed his bruises and answered, "Well, if He was, He sure got a rough ride." Abraham and Sarah knew that God was with them. They were a fortunate ...
Only moments after prying open a window and stepping into a dark bedroom a burglar came face to face with a vicious looking Doberman Pincher. The burglar froze in his tracks. Once his eyes adjusted to the dark he noticed a parrot on the back of the dog which squawked "You're gonna get caught!" The burglar hesitated, then ever so carefully lifted an item off a dresser and put it in his sack. The dog watched every move. The parrot said, "You're gonna get caught!" Without any sudden or jerky movements the ...
(John the Baptist Announces His Coming --Third Sunday of Advent) Howard Hensley was standing in line at the post office. Standing in line is not one of his favorite things to do, especially during the busy Christmas season. This day was no exception. He waited anxiously for the postal clerk to weigh his packages and give him his stamps. His irritation quickly increased when he overheard a shabbily dressed man ask another clerk for $50 worth of Madonna stamps! "What corrupt influence is the government ...
A silly story has been going around about a young man who was hitchhiking through one of our Southern states. A farmer driving an old pickup truck stopped to give him a lift. As they rode along, they got to talking about the local moonshine whiskey. The young man said he didn't drink very much. Moonshine would probably be too strong for his tastes. "Nonsense!" said the farmer. "You gotta try some." He fished around behind him and finally produced a small jug. "Here," he said, handing the jar to the lad. " ...
Isn't it refreshing when people in the spotlight don't take themselves too seriously? One Democratic Senator told colleagues he took a "polygraph" test to find out what the lie-detector fuss is all about. But this silver-haired and flamboyant orator reported he flunked the test when he started a sentence with: "In my humble opinion...." Shortly after Senator Bob Kerrey of Nebraska announced his availability for the Democratic presidential nomination in 1991, he made an appearance at the National Press Club ...
From our scripture lesson this morning, we find that facing a Giant task is not a new experience in human history, nor in the life of the people of God. In our passage from I Samuel, we see an incident that would put a challenge into any person. Here are two armies in their camps, each occupying a side of the mountain, with a valley in between them. Out of the camp of the Philistines comes the giant, Goliath, the champion of the group, with an interesting proposal to save bloodshed. It would be well for ...
A family was watching a movie of the life of Jesus on television. Their six-year-old daughter was deeply moved as the movie maker realistically portrayed Jesus' crucifixion and death. Tears ran down the little girl's face as they took him from the cross and lay him in a borrowed tomb. She watched as a guard was placed outside the tomb. And then suddenly a big smile broke on her face. She bounced up on the arm of the chair and said with great anticipation, "Now comes the good part." That's why we are here ...
A man went to his doctor to find out why he had been having such severe headaches. The doctor ran some tests and after a few hours called the man into his office. "I have terrible news," he told the patient. "Your condition is terminal." "Oh no!" the man wailed. "How long do I have?" "Ten," began the doctor. "Ten what?" the patient interrupted. "Days? Months? Years?" "Nine," said the doctor, "eight, seven, six . . ." There is a man who was having a bad day. There is a man living in panic, not peace. True ...
In the movie, THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION, you get an idea of what it might be like to spend the rest of your life behind bars; forever watched, hardly ever time to be alone, except in the rare instance that you might have a small individual cell to yourself in the evening, where when the lights are turned out for sleep, you cannot even turn on a light. You have plenty of time to think; prisoners have a difficult time sleeping. Life becomes routine; you are told when to rise and when to lie down; when your ...
A little boy had just returned home from an Ash Wednesday church service. The little girl from next door asked him what the smudge was on his forehead. He replied, "It's Ash Wednesday." "What's Ash Wednesday?" she asked. "Oh," he replied, "It's when Christians begin their diet." Ash Wednesday is about more than giving up chocolate for Lent. It is about examining ourselves in the light of Christ's sacrifice on the cross. And the central question which we ask ourselves this night is, Which is it: Pretense or ...
A farmer who lived on the Great Plains had never traveled to a city of any size, but one day a church choir trip allowed him to do just that. When he got home, his wife asked him what he saw and what he learned. He told her all about it, including the fact that their group had attended church on Sunday in a large congregation which has a really big choir. "They sang an anthem," he told her. "What is an anthem?" she asked. "Well," he replied, "you know we sing hymns here at home. If I were to say to you, ' ...
One of the most exciting buzz words in business today is the word "synergy." According to the principle of synergy, when two or more people work together, the total effect of their work is greater than if they had been working independently. For example, one horse can pull 2 tons by itself. That means two horses working separately will be able to pull 4 tons, 2 tons per horse. But when two horses are teamed together, we are told they can pull 18 tons. That's synergy. Here's another example. Suppose you ...
In Saint Louis a few years ago a woman noticed a few bees buzzing around the attic of her home. Since there were only a few, she made no effort to deal with them. Over the summer the bees continued to fly in and out the attic vent while the woman remained unconcerned, unaware of the growing city of bees that was taking up residence just above her ceiling. The whole attic became a hive, and the ceiling of the second-floor bedroom finally caved in under the weight of hundreds of pounds of honey and thousands ...
In a park on the beautiful island of Bermuda there is a rock hanging on a rope with a large sign beside it. The sign reads: “Weather Station . . . Check the Rock . . . If it's wet, it's raining . . . If it's moving, it's windy . . . If you can't see it, it's foggy . . . If the rock is gone, it's a hurricane." Today we check the Rock . . . or better yet, to use the language of our text from I Peter, the Stone--the Cornerstone on which our lives are built. We read, “As you come to him, the living Stone-- ...
Object: A school annual (Or an autograph album) Good morning, boys and girls. It's a wonderful thing to have friends, isn't it? And it's sad when friends move away. In a way it's sad for your older brothers and sisters when they graduate from school, because they know that they won't see some of their friends again. One of the ways older young people try to remember their friends and their happy days in schools is to have their friends write in their school annuals. That way they have their own autograph ...
Object: A "Security Blanket." Good morning, boys and girls. What do I have with me this morning? It is a blanket, isn't it? But it is not just any blanket--this is a security blanket. Did any of you, when you were small, have a special blanket that you carried around with you just about every place you went? Some of you did--or I imagine you have seen a younger brother or sister do that. Any of you who have seen a Charlie Brown cartoon show on television know that Linus always carries his blanket ...
Everyone knows about the Good Samaritan. He is one of the best-known characters in history. We know he belonged to a despised people--Samaritans--people who did not keep the laws in the prescribed way and who had intermarried with foreigners. We know he was the surprise hero in Jesus' parable that bears his name. We know he was a generous and compassionate man who paid an innkeeper out of his own pocket for the upkeep of a stranger who had been stripped, robbed, beaten and left for dead beside the road to ...
A Sunday school teacher had been telling a class of little boys about crowns of glory and heavenly rewards for good people. "Now tell me," the teacher said at the close of the lesson, "in heaven, who will get the biggest crown?" There was silence for a while then Johnny replied, "Him what's got the biggest head!" Pretty good answer! James and John, the two sons of Zebedee, came up to Jesus with a request. "Teacher," they say somewhat presumptuously, "we want You to do for us whatever we ask of You." Jesus ...
(Communion) Notes: For effect, I had many bread machines throughout the sanctuary and as the worship concluded, the hot fresh bread was ready. It was true. I smelled bread. Rev. Mebane Pridgen McMahon How many of you remember the popular sitcom of the 1970s called MASH? If you do, then you recall that it was about a group of doctors and nurses trying to make sense of their assignment to the 4077 Mash unit during the Korean War. In one particular episode, Major Winchester, who often protects himself from ...
Do you ever wonder why people do some of the crazy things they do? People are amazing! Ask Dr. Tucker Montgomery. Dr. Montgomery spent fifteen years as an Emergency Room doctor at the University of Tennessee Hospital in Knoxville, Tennessee. Dr. Montgomery has seen a multitude of injuries that resulted from simple stupidity. He tells the story of one man who was brought in to the ER with serious injuries to his face and teeth. Dr. Montgomery was appalled to learn how the man had injured himself. While ...
Just a few years back, a man in Hardeeville, South Carolina went down to the Jasper County Courthouse. There he filed a deed restriction. The restriction barred the sale of any part of his 1,688 acre plantation to anyone north of the Mason-Dixon Line and anyone named Sherman. It seems that more than a century before, General William T. Sherman's troops burned every building on this man's property and Mr. Ingram vowed never to let his plantation fall into Yankee hands again. (1) Now there's a man who knows ...
Object: None or bring a picture of a family tree How many of you know what a family tree is? (Let the children respond) (If you have a family tree, show it at this time.) A family tree is very special because it lists everyone in your family from several generations back up to the present--grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins. It is always fun to look and see how we are all related to each other, isn't it? Has anyone in your family been adopted? (children respond) If you have an adopted brother, sister ...
Every student, at some point in time, has to learn about the Thirty Years' War, a battle that consumed much of central Europe from 1618 to 1648. The war ended with the Peace of Westphalia treaty, which was signed in 1648. However, at the time, no representatives from the republic of San Marino, which is in Italy, attended the treaty conference. So officially, until just a few years ago, the republic of San Marino has been at war with Sweden, its most bitter enemy at the time. Finally, in 1996, as a ...
Comedian Drew Carey once said something that I think is quite funny. I hope no one will think it's sacrilegious. Carey asks, "So what's the Pope doing with bodyguards and bulletproof glass? Is he afraid someone will shoot him? [Is he afraid] he'll die and go to heaven? That would be horrible, huh?" Then Carey adds, "If the Pope's afraid to die, what chance do we have?"(1) Interesting thought. I doubt that the Pope is afraid to die. I'm sure the bulletproof glass is so he can continue leading the Church as ...
In Operation Desert Storm a few years ago, for camouflage purposes, a division of soldiers had to repaint their Humvees to the color of the surrounding sand. The result was that the Humvees suddenly acquired a distinctly pinkish cast. As you can imagine, this became quite a source of humor for the soldiers. Someone even made a bumper sticker for one of these Humvees. It read, "Ask me about Mary Kay." Human beings are so creative. Particularly when it comes to humor. We can see evidences of that creativity ...