Sometimes I run across a story that is so bad that I can’t resist telling it.
A man walks into his doctor’s office and says, “Doctor, I’ve eaten something that disagrees with me.”
Suddenly there is a voice from the man’s stomach. The voice says, “Oh no, you haven’t.” Oh, well. I warned you it was bad.
I don’t know whether you have encountered any food that has disagreed with you but there are s...
2952. A Different Kind of Meeting
Illustration
Staff
When Franklin Delano Roosevelt was president, he normally attended an Episcopal church on Sixteenth Street, North West, in Washington. Of course, crowds of tourists and others came just to see the man. One Saturday the rector's phone rang and a lady asked, "Do you expect the President to be in church tomorrow?" Promptly and thoughtfully, the rector replied, "This I cannot promise; but I can promis...
2953. A Wish and A Promise
Illustration
Three years the disciples of Jesus had walked with him, and then they had seen him die. Tenderly they had laid his body in a tomb. But early in the morning of the first day of that very next week he broke the power of death, and some of his friends saw him alive walking in the burial garden. He said to them, "Go tell my brethren that they go into Galilee - there shall they see me." In other words,...
2954. Loving Confrontation
Illustration
Johnny Dean
Several years ago, a good friend and colleague in ministry came to visit me at the church I was serving in Memphis. After we exchanged greetings, he put his arm around my shoulders and said, "Johnny, you know I love you. That's why I have to tell you this." And he proceeded to gently, lovingly scold me for the way I had been handling a particular situation in the church. And he was absolutely righ...
2955. Work
Illustration
David E. Leininger
God planned for us to work: work was a part of God's good creation. Martin Luther said, "God gives every bird its food, but he does not throw it into the nest." Kennan Wilson, the founder of the Holiday Inn chain said, "I believe to be successful, that you have to work at least half a day - it doesn't make any difference which half, the first twelve hours or the last twelve hours!" As someone has ...
2956. Three Strikes?
Illustration
Johnny Dean
What do you do when the Word of God you encounter at church on Sunday morning is not comforting but confusing and even down right confrontational?
The lectionary text from the Gospel of Matthew certainly fits in that category, doesn't it? Well, at first glance it may not be all that confusing. Forgiveness is good, but there are limits. If someone sins against you, confront that person face to fac...
2957. Forgiveness: Where Ordinary Folks Struggle
Illustration
Scott Hoezee
Recently the Templeton Foundation, which has campaigned for an increase in what it calls "forgiveness research," funded a major nationwide study on people's attitudes toward forgiveness. Co-sponsored by the University of Michigan and the National Institute for Mental Health, the study found that 75% of Americans are "very confident" that they have been forgiven by God for their past offenses. The ...
2958. Conflict Saps the Life Out of the Church
Illustration
Todd Weir
You know how church conflict usually works. The 3rd Grade Sunday School teacher gets mad at the Superintendent and tells her best friend about it, who happens to be the head of the board of Deacons. Then the Deacon, much to the surprise of the pastor, says at the end of the Deacons meeting, "I think we have a problem with the Sunday School Superintendent." Soon the whole church is talking about i...
2959. I Have No Enemies
Illustration
Wayne Brouwer
When the great nineteenth-century Spanish General, Ramon Narvaez, lay dying in Madrid, a priest was called in to give him last rites. "Have you forgiven your enemies?" the padre asked. "Father," confessed Narvaez, "I have no enemies. I shot them all." Too often that is the story of our lives, and Jesus knows it.
2960. Building Bridges
Illustration
Bob Tasler
Once upon a time, two brothers who lived on adjoining farms fell into conflict. It was the first serious rift in their 40 years of working together. It began with a small misunderstanding, and grew into a major difference, and finally exploded into an exchange of bitter words followed by weeks of silence. One morning, there was a knock on John's door. He opened it to find a man with a carpenter's ...
Schools opened here last week, and I remembered something from one of the teachers. Like all good teachers, she has certain expectations — norms of behavior — for her students. The students agree to these community norms for the classroom that are posted in the room. That’s not new. What I find intriguing in her classroom is the consequence if someone breaks the norm. When a community rule is brok...
2962. Sanctity Stinks
Illustration
Edward F. Markquart
There is almost nothing worse in the world than religious people who think they are holier or better or less sinful than other people. I love the limerick which says, "The power of hell is strongest when the odor of sanctity creates the smell." Yes, the odor of sanctity does stink.
Martin Luther, the single man responsible for all of Protestantism, said a similar thing when he wrote: "O Lord, de...
2963. Are You Willing to Live in Hell?
Illustration
Randy Hyde
In his book The Great Divorce, C. S. Lewis, the great Christian apologist, draws a stark picture of hell. Hell is like a great, vast city, Lewis says, a city inhabited only at its outer edges, with rows and rows of empty houses in the middle. These houses in the middle are empty because everyone who once lived there has quarreled with the neighbors and moved. Then, they quarreled with the new neig...
2964. TAX COLLECTOR
Illustration
Stephen Stewart
Modern taxes are a recent development, but the practice of taxation is an ancient one. The comment, "There is nothing more sure than death and taxes" has won sympathetic agreement down through the ages.
Now, certainly, any thinking person will agree that taxes are a necessity of governmental life, but we seldom approve of the methods for collecting such taxes. We are always sure that there just h...
2965. Even in the Grocery Store
Illustration
The Washington Times carried a story many years ago about Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. According to this newspaper article, Dr. Rice once described to a Sunday school class at National Presbyterian Church in Washington, how she had drifted from her Christian faith and how God reached out and brought her back:
"I was a preacher's kid," says Dr. Rice, "so Sundays were church, no doubt about...
2966. Corporate Effects of Sin
Illustration
Elie Wiesel
A man is on a boat. He is not alone, but acts as if he were. One night, without warning, he suddenly begins to cut a hole under his seat.
The other people on the boat shout and shriek at him: "What on earth are you doing? Have you gone mad? Do you want to sink us all? Are you trying to destroy us?"
Calmly, the man answers: "I don't understand what you want. What I'm doing is none of your busines...
2967. Apologies
Illustration
King Duncan
In the comic strip, Andy Capp, the principal character is a chronically unemployed cockney ne'er-do-well who spends most of his days playing soccer and most of his nights at the corner pub, both of which drive his long-suffering wife, Flo, up the wall. In one episode, Andy is pacing the floor while Flo stands with her arms crossed.
Finally, she breaks the silence: "Three whole days without speaki...
2968. Disharmony in Worship
Illustration
King Duncan
There was a church where the pastor and the minister of music were not getting along. As time went by, this began to spill over into the worship service.
The first week the pastor preached on commitment and how we all should dedicate ourselves to the service of God. The music director led the song, "I Shall Not Be Moved."
The second week the pastor preached on tithing and how we all should gladl...
2969. Anger Is a Choice
Illustration
King Duncan
David Augsberger wrote abook a few years ago about anger. He noted that anger is a choice. He said the only thing we don't have a choice about is the adrenal in which is being pumped into our bodies. He told about a large rock in his front yard. One beautiful afternoon he decided to move it using a 2x4 for leverage. Somehow the 2x4 slipped and the rock rolled back, breaking his leg. David remember...
2970. Control Your Temper
Illustration
King Duncan
They said that World War II military hero George Patton couldn't or wouldn't control his temper as a young officer. Patton once ordered a mule shot. Why? It had gotten in the way of his jeep. He forced members of an anti-aircraft unit to stand at attention for being sloppily dressed, despite the fact that they had just beaten off an attack and some of the men were wounded. In one notorious incid...
2971. What God Can Do with Forgiveness
Illustration
King Duncan
By the grace of God we can use forgiveness as a positive, creative force bringing light into a darkened world. Nobody does that kind of thing better, of course, than God. Who could imagine 2,000 years ago that the symbol of the Christian church would be a hangman's noose, an electric chair, a guillotine? Those analogies may be necessary for us to keep from being too sentimental about "the old, rug...
Marion L. Soards, Thomas B. Dozeman, Kendall McCabe
OLD TESTAMENT TEXTS
Exodus 12:1-14 is one of the central descriptions of how the Passover is to be celebrated and how it functions in the life of Israel. Psalm 149 is a two-sided hymn of praise in which God's ability to destroy and to save is acknowledged.
Exodus 12:1-14 - "The Passover"
Setting. The confusion of the present form of Exodus 11-13 confronts any reader with immediate obstacles to...
Every pastor can tell a story of a church fight; some pastors have multiple volumes from which to choose. Arguments over the color of carpeting in the fellowship hall is a popular one; anything the youth director does is fair game for criticism, and whenever there is a question about the inappropriate handling of church finances, even the least active member of the congregation demands an explanat...
As little as fifty years ago, televisions looked radically different than they do today. They were heavy, square monstrosities topped often with what looked like the antennae of a super-sized cricket. When you turned the TV on, by means of a knob on the front of the device (there were no remotes and no cable service), you’d get either a grey, fuzzy screen with wavy lines or the faint outline of a ...
What we have in our passage is the contrast between a theology of grace and a theology of keeping score. The first is the one Jesus espouses in this text. The second is the one Peter is pushing and, by the way, the one our world has bought into for centuries. Anne Herbert once suggested that the whole thing started in Eden when Adam and Eve began keeping score. Certainly it was carried on in their...