Now that I'm "older" (but refuse to grow up), here's what I've discovered:

• I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.
• My wild oats have turned into prunes and All-bran.
• I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
• Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
• All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.
• It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
• Only time the world beats a path to your door is when…