... had never driven the ball more than 200 yards, he couldn't believe it. Yet, there it was. His luck continued: long drives on every hole, perfect putting. By the ninth hole, he was six under par and was playing near-perfect golf. The fellow was walking on air. He wound up with an amazing 61, about 30 strokes under his usual game. Wait until he got back to the office and told them about this! But, suddenly, his face fell. He couldn't tell them. He could never tell anyone. The angel smiled. Punishment doesn't ...
2127. Meet in the Middle
2 Cor. 5:18-19
Illustration
Tim Kimmel
... away It was there by faith I received my sight, And now I am happy all the day. The strains of music and wails of children were lost in a roar of flames. The elements that once formed bone and flesh mixed with the smoke and dissipated into the air. The bodies that once housed life fused with the charred rubble of a building that once housed a church. But the souls who left singing finished their chorus in the throne room of God. Clearing the incinerated remains was the easy part. Erasing the hate would take ...
2128. Angry Rhetoric
Illustration
Richard J. Mouw
... exposition; if the heavy rhetoric were removed, the discussion could easily appear to have been a friendly argument between Christians who had some important things to talk about. But I doubt that either group heard the helpful things the other side was saying. Too much angry rhetoric was in the air.
2129. A Preemptive Strike
Illustration
Staff
... your points across." Just then, Pettit walked in, a clipboard containing his questions tucked under his arm. As they entered the studio, Schlesinger plucked the board from a startled Pettit and glanced at it. "Pretty stupid questions, Pettit," he said, handing the man back his board. They were on the air 30 seconds later. Pettit was a pussycat.
2130. Network Values
Illustration
Staff
Religion is virtually invisible on network television, a recent study concludes. Scholars from three universities who monitored 100 prime-time TV shows aired by ABC, NBC, CBS, and the Fox Network determined that references to religion rarely appear on the screen, and when they do, religious beliefs or practices are seldom presented in a positive light. The survey found that 95% of all speaking characters on TV programs have no identifiable religious affiliation. ...
2131. Eighty Years and One Night
Illustration
Thomas Lindberg
... asked him, "Don't you worship God?" The old traveler replied, "I worship fire only and reverence no other god." When he heard this, Abraham became incensed, grabbed the old man by the shoulders, and threw him out of his tent into the cold night air. When the old man had departed, God called to his friend Abraham and asked where the stranger was. Abraham replied, "I forced him out, because he did not worship you." God answered, "I have suffered him these eighty years although he dishonors me. Could you ...
2132. Flying Without a Net
Illustration
Staff
... the plane would be waiting. When he arrived at the airport, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and they soon were in the air. "Fly over the north side of the fire," yelled the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures," cried the photographer. "I'm a photographer and photographers take pictures!" After a pause the pilot said ...
2133. Big Shots and Little Shots Matter
Matthew 28:16-20
Illustration
Lieghton Ford
Lieghton Ford, a friend of Billy Graham and an influential evanglist like Graham, tells the following story: I was speaking at an open-air crusade in Halifax, Nova Scotia. Billy Graham was to speak the next night and had arrived a day early. He came incognito and sat on the grass at the rear of the crowd. Because he was wearing a hat and dark glasses, no one recognized him. Directly in front of ...
... got there for the funeral, everybody was crying and carrying on it had been such a sudden death. But he got up and started singing, “Dashing through the snow . . .” People started frowning and giving him dirty looks. He says he could feel the hostility in the air. But he managed to finish the song and sit back down. After the funeral, the lady came over with the money to pay him for singing. As she handed him the envelope she said in a scolding voice, “I meant the song ‘Glory Bells! not ‘Jingle ...
... the river with Humphrey following close behind. As they approached the San Francisco Bay, and the water gained in salinity, Humphrey was visibly excited and began diving deeply to everyone’s delight and amazement. It was like the climax to a Hollywood film. The air was filled with helicopters and the river banks were lined with thousands of spectators all cheering Humphrey on to freedom. Though the crew lost sight of him that night, they picked him back up in the morning and led him out through the Golden ...
2136. Tear On the Dotted Line
Humor Illustration
I like the story of the defense contractor who designed a revolutionary new aircraft. It was a fantastic plane. The only problem with it was that every time it got into the air, the wings broke off next to the fuselage. The engineers were baffled as to how to solve this problem. Finally they listened to a janitor in the building who said he knew how to solve the problem. "Drill a line of little holes," he said, across the wing where it ...
2137. Don't Go Out Now
Humor Illustration
... . Halftime had come to the football game, and the old gentleman was left alone in front of the television. That's where the real story begins. The band was performing on the football field, and the lovely majorettes were tossing their batons into the air. Pete happened to be standing behind his grandfather, his presence undetected. When the cameraman provided a close-up shot of one of the beautiful girls, Pete said, "Granddad was sitting on the edge of his chair tapping his pacemaker and saying, 'Don't go ...
2138. Strike Three
Humor Illustration
... about what a great hitter he was. Finally the father said, "All right, son, show me!'' So the little boy got his softball and his hat and they went out in the back yard. The father stood over to the side while the boy tossed the ball up into the air and then swung the hat with all his might. "Strike one," said the little fellow after he had missed the ball completely. "Strike two," he said as he missed the ball again. "Strike three," he said as he missed a third time. Then he turned to his father with a ...
2139. Hialeah, Hallelujah!
Humor Illustration
A confirmed horse player hadn't been to church in years even though his wife attended every Sunday. One Easter, with a bit of nagging and persuasion, he went to church with her. On the way home, he said to her, "It wasn't bad. The church was air conditioned, the pews were cushioned and the singing was great. Did you notice people looking at me when I joined in with my deep baritone voice?" "Yes I noticed ,'' his wife said. "But when we go next time and you sing, be sure you sing Hallelujah, Hallelujah and ...
2140. Stick Together
Humor Illustration
... it began to pull the ship itself. All of a sudden the fish made one last surge for freedom, and it pulled the land-lover overboard. Being a land-lover, he couldn't swim a stroke. As he was trying to hold on to the fish, and coming up for air, he began to scream for help. "Help! I can't swim." The sailor, wanting to get him back into the ship, reached over the side, and grabbed him by the hair of his head and, wouldn't you know it, he wore a wig. The wig came off, down he ...
2141. Get On With It
Humor Illustration
... the tenors was not yet ready, however, so the director refused to raise his baton. All this time, nothing but silence was being broadcast. Growing very nervous, the announcer, forgetting that his microphone was still on and that he could be heard in the church and on the air, said in exasperation, "Get on with it, you old goat!" Later in the week, the radio station got a letter from one of its listeners--a man who had tuned in to listen to the music from the comfort of his easy chair. When he heard "Get on ...
2142. Murphy's Church Law
Humor Illustration
... and members living within two blocks away will be 15 minutes late saying "let us pray" causes babies to cry the shorter the agenda, the longer the meeting no matter how many show up for choir rehearsal, you will always need one more copy of the music church furnaces and air conditioners always seem to rest on Sundays. (Long Island East District newsletter, NY Annual Conference, UMC)
2143. Didn't Miss By Much
Humor Illustration
... packed under the stump, and yet not too much to blow them all to kingdom come. The moment of truth came. Hank looked at the farmer with a knowing look of what he hoped came across as confidence and pushed down the plunger. The stump rose high in the air with a resounding boom, arched magnificently over towards his pickup truck and landed right on the roof of the cab, demolishing it. The farmer turned to Hank and said "Son, you didn't miss it by much, just a few feet. With a bit more practice you'll be ...
2144. Where's My Luggage?
Humor Illustration
... exhortations to his officers failed to have an impact, he decided to take the situation into his own hands by calling a special meeting of management personnel in Miami. It was summer in Miami, and the weather was hot and humid. In those days, air conditioning was not available. As the out-of-town managers checked into the hotel, they were told that their bags would be placed in their rooms. Instead, Rickenbacker had the bags locked up in a storage area overnight. In his autobiography, Rickenbacker tells ...
2145. Believing Your Design
Humor Illustration
In 1958, America's first commercial jet air service began with the flight of the Boeing 707. A month after that first flight, a traveler on a piston-engine, propeller-driven DC-6 airliner struck up a conversation with a fellow passenger. The passenger happened to be a Boeing engineer. The traveler asked the engineer about the new ...
2146. Student Gems
Humor Illustration
... hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind. Listening to meteorologists is one of the chief by-products of bad weather. It is so hot in some parts of the world that the inhabitants there have to live somewhere else. The wind is like the air, only pushier. In order to have different seasons, we had to get the earth tilted over on its axis. But it has been worth it. Meteorologists look something like people. Adolescence is the stage between puberty and adultery.
2147. No More Songs
Humor Illustration
... and raced to the bathroom, turned on the faucet, and held Chippie under the running water. Then, realizing that Chippie was soaked and shivering, she did what any compassionate bird owner would do...she reached for the hair dryer and blasted the pet with hot air. Poor Chippie never knew what hit him. A few days after the trauma, the reporter who had initially written about the event contacted Chippie's owner to see how the bird was recovering. "Well," she replied, "Chippie doesn't sing much anymore, he just ...
2148. Sunday School Humor
Humor Illustration
... He draws us first," he said, "then cuts us out." When asked the central truth of the story of the good Samaritan, one youngster answered, "When I'm in trouble, someone should help me!" When asked why worshipers no longer offer burnt offerings, one boy replied, "Air pollution." In response to the question, "Why is there only one God?" a pupil answered, "Because God fills every place, and there's no room for anyone else." When asked to explain the difference in the role of the Creator and the Savior one child ...
2149. One Hot Wedding
Humor Illustration
The day was unseasonably warm when my husband and I got married and, to make matters worse, the air conditioning in the church wasn't working. Becoming increasingly uncomfortable in my gown, I grumbled during the photo session, then endured the receiving line, cutting the cake, even opening the presents. But when I saw the mountain of cards to open, that was it. Smiling, I said to the guests, " ...
2150. Looks Are Deceiving
Humor Illustration
Owing to the altitude, the (South Dakota) air is so light that hills which are miles away stand out against the sky with knifelike clearness. People who come here from the East are invariably fooled as to distances. They have always associated clearness with nearness, and sometimes they learn the difference to their sorrow. An old-timer told ...