... ''re coming to get you, aaaugh!" Woman: "All right. You''ve had your fun. Let''s call a truce." Man: "Good idea. I was scaring myself." Woman: "Let''s face it, hon. Either one of us alone would make a lousy ruler of the universe." Man: "Yes, I guess we''re fortunate that God''s in control and not us. We couldn''t get along without each other." (As the two exit, arm in arm...) Woman: "So true. Still, I can''t help thinking that God likes a good salad once in a while..."
... outdoors a lot. Now I''ve worked outdoors all my life, and I can tell you that your hair doesn''t stay all soft and shiny like that. It gets rough and blows every which way. He just looks too neat to have worked outdoors like me. I guess that sounds silly." Dottie: "Maybe His halo''s holding His hair in place." Jackie: "I doubt Jesus walked around with a halo on His head." Walter: "Come to think of it, Pastor, this picture doesn''t look right to me, either. Look at His skin, all smooth and ...
... God bless her." Darcy: "I love to go through cemeteries and read some of the strange names on the tombstones. Here''s a good one---Waldo Popejoy. That''s a name with personality!" Grandmother: "And that was a man with personality." Darcy: "Let me guess. He handed out bulletins every Sunday for ten years." Grandmother: "He started the church library all by himself over thirty years ago. He started with five of his own books, and by the time he died we had a whole library. Also, he got here ...
... for wanting those Rollerblades. They''re fun, and you can go all kinds of places with them. But Grandma and Grandpa were thinking of your future. And this savings bond can take you a lot farther than a pair of Rollerblades can. Son: Yeah, I guess so. I was just so excited about this Christmas. Mother: You know, in a way, Christmas is about getting gifts that you didn''t want or didn''t expect. Son: Huh? Mother: Way back in Bible times, the Hebrew people were treated badly and persecuted ...
... and me park and pull out our dinners." Clyde: (Looking over at the "homeless shelter")"Hey, boss, looks like we found ourselves a pretty popular restaurant. Wanna try it out?" Detective: "That''s no restaurant, you idiot! That''s a homeless shelter. I guess they''re serving dinner now." Clyde: "It still looks good. How much do you think it costs?" Detective: "It''s a homeless shelter, knucklehead. They give it away for free. Makes me sick seeing them give away good food to people who ...
... Christmas list." Father: "My what? Oh, yeah. I''m just doing it for fun, to make my son happy." Angel: "Yes, I know. So, what did you ask for?" Father: (trying to hide his list under his arm) "Oh, um, nothing." Angel: "Let me guess. A Corvette, an electric power saw, and a subscription to Sports Illustrated . . . Am I getting warm?" Father: "You''re frying. Okay, so I''m greedy and materialistic. That''s part of the fun of Christmas." Angel: "Why do you want those things, Doug?" Father ...
... wine, for you have a glow to you I''ve never seen before." Simeon: "Oh, that''s not it. No, the wine is good, but it is not enough to change a man''s being." Nathan: "You do look changed, that is the truth. What is it? No, let me guess. It''s a new woman, isn''t it? She must be young and healthy to put the color in your old cheeks. Don''t tell me you are expecting another child!" Simeon: "No, I tell you, no earthly pleasure could restore the shine in these tired eyes." Nathan: "Well, then ...
... part. Half his people have gone into hiding, while the other half are going around saying that he''s not really dead, that he will come back to save them. Can you believe it?" 1: "Some people will believe anything! That''s some kind of powerful brainwashing! I guess they''ll see soon enough." 2: "Yeah, they''ll shut up when they see that dead men don''t come back." 3: (teasing)"Now how can you be so sure they''re not right?" 2: "When donkeys fly! I''d bet a year''s wages against it!" 3 ...
... knows much about him?" Mother: "Well, I don''t. You''ll have to ask your dad to fill in the details." Daughter: "Do you think Vincent has any family around here?" Mother: "Not that I know of. I think Vincent was the youngest of the Mackeys, so I guess all his family has died by now. We''re probably the only people here who remember him." Daughter: "And we don''t even know him that well. We don''t know how he died." Mother: "You know, over the years, millions of soldiers have died for this ...
... centuries of opposition and persecution..and grown stronger. But the one attitude which has done more harm than any other to the Church is the attitude expressed by the cynical students, living in England with a State Church, who asked our daughter, Why the Church? My guess is that there are a goodly number of students on the campus which is adjacent to this church who ask the same question. Why the Church? II. WHAT IS THE CHURCH, ANYWAY? What comes to your mind when you hear the word church. Most people ...
... has been supervised by Prof. Bruce Metzger of Princeton Theological Seminary, and he is a scholar with impeccable credentials and a devoted Christian, although the fundamentalists had a field day with the fact that his surname “Metzger” in German means “butcher.” So I guess I am not opposed to the notion of condensing the Bible per se, although I was never very thrilled with the Reader’s Digest version. But the idea of condensing the Bible has some real merit. For one thing, it seems to me that ...
... where wise men could debate over it, but in a sort of offhand way in a humble home in a village in Galilee which we cannot even identify with certainty on the map today. Some years ago David Redding, a Presbyterian writer, said, "Who could guess that He would fling away His first miracle as a lighthearted bouquet to romantic love and friendly laughter in the middle of a noisy wedding party?" Who, indeed? Have you ever stopped to consider that from that day to this, almost every Christian marriage remembers ...
... sent into the world to be the Light of the World, to open the eyes of the blind, as the prophet foretold in Isaiah 61. But note this: Jesus nowhere answers the disciples’ question about why the poor man was born blind. Instead, He heals the man, which I guess is much better than an answer anyway. When tragedy strikes us and we cry to the heavens, “Why?” I do not believe that an answer for our minds is what we are really asking for. One might give a theological answer, but that would not stop the pain ...
... that he may always have felt himself to be an outsider, a Southerner amidst a bunch of “Yankees” from the North. But we are not really sure of this meaning. Some suggest that “Iscariot” comes from the word “sicarius” which means “assassin.” Another plausible guess is that the term is Aramaic, and comes from a root meaning “The false one, the liar, the hypocrite.” That would have been an apt title for him, for his whole life seems to have been a lie. He started out well. We may assume ...
... by conscience. One of the primary things that distinguishes us from the animal kingdom is that we have a sense of "ought." No dog or cat awakens on Sunday morning and says to himself or herself: "I really ought to go to church this morning." Yet I would hazard a guess that thought went through the minds of millions of people this morning, whether they ever acted upon it or not. As human beings, we are not only confronted by what we are, but by what we ought to be; not only with what we do, but with what we ...
... which would change them. The tribulation of which Jesus speaks is related to His earlier words about “taking up a cross” and following Him. We have some very strange notions of what it means to “carry the cross,” don’t we? We say, “I guess it is just my cross to bear,” and we may be referring to anything from headaches to hang-nails. However, Jesus was not talking about “the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune” which come to everyone. Carrying the cross does not mean the sicknesses ...
... enters upon is considered to be a “just war” by the party originating it, and in today’s nuclear world, if you came upon a victim being beaten by thugs and killed them both - and yourself in the bargain, not much would be gained. Today, I guess that I am a uneasy “situationist” when it comes to war. I am willing to consider the possibility that, under certain circumstances, a war might be the lesser of two evils; but I am always suspicious of anyone who claims that their own particular campaign to ...
... he was willing to share what he had. If he hadn’t done so, there would have been some blank pages in each of the four Gospels! And think for a moment of the mother of that boy who had prepared his lunch for him that morning. Who would have guessed what was to become of it? When she packed his lunch, little did she realize that nearly 2000 years later, on a continent she never even dreamed existed, we would be discussing the contents of her son’s lunch box! Can you see why I said that Jesus opens up ...
... in the elements. “Elements” was the word which Dr. Cleland misunderstood. He thought that the minister had said “elephants.” In amazed anticipation he awaited the entry of the great beasts. He could not imagine where they had been stabled. He could not even guess what possible use could be made of them in the service of worship. But time after time he craned his neck forward to see the ecclesiastical menagerie. But they never appeared. Still, he kept hoping that one day they would. The minister had ...
... a Sunday School teacher who suddenly asked her pupils, “Why do you believe in God?” She got a variety of answers; some full of simple faith, others obviously insincere. One that stunned her came from the son of a minister. He answered, almost apologetically, “I guess it just runs in our family.” I used to discount that sort of thing, saying that religion isn’t passed on like family heirlooms. I have even used Billy Sunday’s famous quotation: “Being born in a Christian home doesn’t make you a ...
... with the figures so as to arrange them in three groups of fourteen generations each. And he has Jesus beginning the seventy-seventh! Scattered throughout the Gospel’s opening chapters are many more references to money than one finds in Mark or Luke. And guess which Gospel tells us about finding the Temple Tax in the fish’s mouth? (Chapter 17:24-27) Only Matthew records the story of the laborers who worked different hours for the same wages. Matthew alone records the story of high finance where the ...
... in packaging products for an Anglo-Saxon culture. Thus an actor named Larusha Skikne became Laurence Harvey; Issur Danielovitch Demsky became Kirk Douglas; Frances Gumm became Judy Garland; Archie Leach became Cary Grant; Aaron Schwatt became Red Buttons; and Marion Morrison became...guess who? John Wayne. In more recent years, Hollywood seems to have gotten over this fear of ethnic names, and most stars today bear the names they were born with in all of their rich ethnic diversity. Why all this talk about ...
... that sent me. But after I have been taken up I will send to thee one of my disciples, that he may heal thy disease, and give life to thee and thine.” (William Barclay, THE MASTER’S MEN, Nashville: Abingdon Press, 1959, p. 121-122) And guess who was sent: Good old “what’s-his-name.” Thaddeus, the Great Hearted. That’s the way Christ gets His work done. “After I am taken up I will send to thee one of my disciples.” Disciple means “student.” “Apostle” means “one sent with a message ...
... officer, I was only trying to read all the messages the person in the other car had for me!” This summer I came across a new one: “Forty isn’t old - if you’re a tree!” I have no idea what age the driver must have been, but I’d guess that he wasn’t happy about it. As one who has a birthday coming up before too long the sticker struck home to me. “Forty isn’t old - if you are a tree.” But we aren’t trees. We are people. In our Scripture lesson we find the story of ...
... It appeared in print: “The ‘INSULATION’ of Dr. Morikawa.” I sent a copy of the fascinating typo to the Christian Century for Martin Marty’s column, with the note that “I always thought Jitsuo was pretty much a live-wire...but I guess he’s properly insulated now!” I was just kidding...for during his brief years here in Ann Arbor Dr. Morikawa accomplished many wonderful things for God. Many of us desire “insulation” rather than “installation.” Nevertheless, God calls us into the real ...