Director's Notes: The original everyman in church, trying to figure out what in the world tithing is all about. Pretty funny stuff if you ask me... I like to do pre-recorded voice over (V.O.) in some dramas. It's really effective because it allows us to hear what someone is really thinking. So, just record the actor speaking into a mic, add some reverb to it so it sounds like it's hollow and you're good to go. Cast: Dave: A normal guy at church Mark: An offering collector Props: Chairs Pre-recorded V.O. ...
The Jews attached great importance to the high moments of life. Thus a wedding was not just a brief ceremony, but an experience shared by the entire community. The typical wedding feast could last up to seven days. That sounds strange to our modern way of thinking, but this offered a bright interlude in an otherwise dreary existence. The ceremony would begin on Tuesday at midnight. After the wedding the father of the bride would take his daughter to every house so that everyone might congratulate her. It ...
Next week is Consecration Sunday as you know. For several weeks you have been getting mail from First Presbyterian reminding you of the event. We have a special guest speaker coming - David Oyler, the Stated Clerk of our Lake Erie Presbytery - a celebration banquet following worship, all in all, a very exciting day. Our leaders are providing you the opportunity to estimate your giving for the coming year so they might wisely plan the mission and ministry of this growing church. Well, I am about to commit ...
A scary few days, eh? Just a week ago we were hearing about this incredibly powerful Hurricane Floyd in the Atlantic that might be heading in our direction - almost a Category 5 with sustained winds near the eye of 155 miles per hour. And it cut a wide swath too, hundreds of miles in diameter. Fool that I am, I normally do not worry much about hurricanes. I have come through a few. During my years of living on the coast, I evacuated in the face of oncoming storms along with everyone else. I still have a ...
Fear Factor. Do you watch that show? Neither do I. In fact, of all the so-called reality shows on TV these days, that is the one I would be least likely to watch. It is based on the premise of seeing what can be done to make someone "lose it" in front of millions of people. Up to your neck in snakes, rats, maggots, whatever, and how long can you last. Oh goody. Fear, of course, is something that is common to all of us. Truth be told, many of our fears are baseless - we are afraid of and worry about things ...
Two guys go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune. The first day they go fishing they don't catch a thing. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men finally catches a fish. As they drive home, they are both really depressed. One turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that ...
The Academy Award winning movie, BABETTE'S FEAST, is based on a book by Isak Dinesen. Dineson wrote the book on which the movie, OUT OF AFRICA, was based. In BABETTE'S FEAST the author very creatively weaves the story of Phillipa and Martina, two daughters of a well-known Lutheran pastor in a village in the north of Denmark in the late 1870s. Their father's very rigid and strict religious discipline has shaped the entire community~s approach to life and to the expression of their Christian faith. The ...
A moving truck loaded with furniture was parked in front of a Southern California home. A husband and wife were sweeping out the open garage when a woman from a house across the street approached with an apple pie. "Welcome to the neighborhood," she said. "I baked it myself and I want you to have it." "Really, we can't," the husband replied. "Of course you can," she ran on. "When I moved in two years ago no one welcomed me, and I want you to feel at home." She thrust the pie into the husband's hands. "Uh, ...
There is an old story about a rabbi who, while in Persia, found a great ruby. This was not just any ruby. It was a ruby that belonged in the emperor’s crown. An official crier was sent out who went about the capital with this message: “Whoever returns the emperor’s jewel within thirty days will be rewarded.” But then he added an ominous warning: “If it be found on him after thirty days his head will be cut off.” On the thirty-first day--a day after the deadline--the rabbi brought the ruby to the palace. ...
The Toronto Star invited teachers to submit excuses they had received from their students. They received these examples: A student explaining why he was late: "I was kidnapped by aliens and interrogated for three hours." Another student, telling why he had failed to turn in his essay: "The bus driver read it and liked it so much he kept it to show to his passengers." Another: "I got mugged on the way to school. I offered him my money, my watch, and my penknife but all he wanted was my essay." Mike, a 14- ...
In one of the PEANUTS cartoons, a little girl calls Charlie Brown on the telephone. "Marcie and I are about to leave for camp, Chuck," she says. "We're going to be swimming instructors." Marcie takes the phone and adds: "We just called to say goodbye, Charles. We are going to miss you. We love you." The perennial loser Charlie Brown stands by the phone with a grin on his face. One little friend asks, "Who was that?" He answers, "I think it was a right number." Jesus was speaking to the church: "This I ...
We give God thanks today for another New Year. We are eternal optimists, are we not? We somehow expect that this year will be better than last year. Deep in our hearts we agree with Lucy in the PEANUTS cartoons when she says, "I don't want ups and downs. I want ups and ups and ups!" We are more realistic than that. Still, we hope for more ups than downs. There is an old Eskimo blessing that goes like this: May you have warmth in your igloo, oil in your lamp, and peace in your heart. That is my New Year's ...
An old story comes to us from Alexander the Great's conquest of the Persian Empire. In that conquest Alexander's soldiers overran the palace of Darius the king. Looking for things to steal, one soldier came upon a leather bag containing the crown jewels of Persia. The stones were worth millions. However, the ignorant soldier dumped them on a rubbish heap, saving only the leather bag. He ran around the camp telling the other men about the marvelous bag he'd found to carry his food. How often in life we ...
Go with me for a few minutes to a quiet suburb of Detroit, Michigan ” a suburb known as Waterford Township. Turn with me down Paulsen Street. The street, surrounded by elm and birch trees, seems like any other quiet suburb. Yet people in Waterford Township call Paulsen Street, "the road of death." Four times a white van has pulled up in front of a brown, two-story house on Paulsen Street. A slender, white-haired man with glasses has emerged from the van and walked up to the door of the house. Each time he ...
During Hollywood‘s golden years there were many people in the film industry who were known for their practical jokes. One of the best known and most creative of these was a fellow by the name of Jack McDermott. He was a writer and director of movies. McDermott‘s favorite gag was to take his guests for a ride in his Model-T Ford. Taking them into the mountains, he would careen around curves at perilous speeds. When a guest would complain about his recklessness, he would yank the steering wheel from its post ...
Writer Adele Hooker remembers a point when she and her family were going through some rough times. They had very little to eat, but one day her husband unexpectedly asked some friends over for dinner. Adele was dumbfounded: there was no food in the house! How could she possibly feed guests? So she went into her bedroom, knelt down and asked God what she could do. As she prayed she seemed to hear a voice telling her, "You have meat in the freezer." Right. Half a pound of hamburger. That wouldn't go very far ...
In his book, THERE I GO AGAIN, Steven Moseley tells about Anna Pavlova, a Russian ballet superstar of the early 1900s. Ms. Pavlova has been acclaimed as the greatest ballerina of all time. Her most memorable performance, however, took place after her death. Anna was to play the role she made famous, the Dying Swan, at the Apollo Theatre in London. Tragically, she succumbed to pneumonia and died two days before the event. Still, on the appointed night, a crowd of her fans packed the Apollo Theatre. The ...
A family driving a large camper pulled up in front of the church just as the pastor started toward home. Desiring to be friendly, the pastor introduced himself and expressed his admiration for the camper. The man of the family told him rather proudly: "This camper sleeps eight people." Then he asked: "What is the capacity of your church, Pastor?" The beleaguered pastor replied rather glumly, "Oh, it sleeps about eighty." It is embarrassing sometimes how little the modern day church resembles the church ...
Did you ever notice that some people always get it wrong? Paul Harvey, in his book FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, tells about a county jail in south Florida where jail officials found a plastic trash bag hanging to the bars of a cell. Inside was Jimmy Jones, a prisoner who hoped he'd get taken out with the trash. And he might have -- except during roll call his reflexes took over. And when the name Jimmy Jones was called... From inside the bag came a muffled response: "Here." Some people just can't get it right. But ...
"Once upon a time, but not very long ago, in a kingdom both near and far away, there lived a canny scientist who longed for the love of a beautiful woman. Because his first love was not even science but his own knowledge, wise women were wary of the man, and so he lived a very lonely life. "One day, the man decided to use his science to win love, and he set about to concoct a chemical that would cause the object of his affections to fall madly in love with him. Soon his research succeeded, he produced the ...
One day in high school during lunch hour Bob Laurent was standing around with a group of guys. Suddenly, the only girl in the whole school who could make the corneas of Bob's eyes steam up walked right up to him and said very silkily, almost musically, "Hi, Bob." Bob wasn't ready for this bold greeting. He recalls that the entire left side of his face started twitching. He stuttered out, "Uhh-h-h, Hi ya, Doris." A few moments later the bell rang and Doris moved toward Bob to say goodbye. In doing so she ...
Science fiction writer Isaac Asimov was an atheist. A man of great wit and intelligence, Asimov was brought up in the Jewish faith but like many modern Jews, maintained some of the trappings of his faith while rejecting its central focus on God. Once on national television, Asimov was asked point blank by TV interviewer David Frost about his views on God. Asimov was reluctant to admit his atheism to a large television audience, so he stalled by saying, "Whose [God]?" Frost would not be put off. He said, "I ...
Whatever happened to the grand old doctrine of predestination--the view that all of life has been predetermined, preordained, fixed in place with no possibility of alteration? Some of our younger folks may not even have heard of this time-honored view of life, but there was a time when it was a hot topic. It even produced humor. Two pastors were good friends but had radically different theologies. Bob was a strong believer in predestination. He believed that everything that happens to us has already been ...
Journalist David Osborne was excited about the purchase of his new home at 58 Glebe Street in the suburbs of Sydney, Australia. Renovations were nearly complete, and he was due to move in within a week. After work, he drove to his new address to check on some of the final details. When Osborne arrived that fateful Monday afternoon, he found a “what's-wrong-with-this-picture" scenario beyond his ability to believe. His dream home had become a nightmare. A huge crane with a wrecking ball towered over his ...
Someone has made a list of "Politically Correct Ways of Indicating Stupidity." Perhaps you have heard some of these. They're quite creative. Speaking of someone who has done something really dumb, we might say: He's a few clowns short of a circus . . . A few fries short of a Happy Meal . . . A few peas short of a casserole . . . He doesn't have all his corn flakes in one box . . . The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead . . . His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels . . . His belt doesn't go ...