Some newspapers carry a little cartoon called ZIGGY. Ziggy is one of those for whom life never seems to work out right. For instance in one cartoon, Ziggy sits in his chair and contemplates the week that has just ended. "Sheesh! What a week!!" he says. "MONDAY morning, my horoscope in the newspaper told me to go back to bed! "TUESDAY, opportunity knocked while I was out back taking out the garbage. On WEDNESDAY, my new bedroom set was diagnosed with Dutch-elm disease! "THURSDAY, my phone rang three times ...
Denis Rainey, in his book THE TRIBUTE, has some wonderful stories about family life. One of the best is an Associated Press story datelined Grand Rapids, Michigan. At age 2, Robin Hawkins already is a home wrecker. When she is old enough to ask for an allowance, her father intends to show her a bill for almost $2,300 worth of family belongings she has destroyed in a two-month rampage. It all started when Alice the Cat went down the drain. "I heard her saying, Bye-bye, fluff-fluff, bye-bye,'" her father, ...
John A. Davis mailed a Christmas card to his brother in December 1942. Nearly 55 years later it showed up at a post office in Tinley Park, Illinois. Davis had long ago figured the card, sent from Jackson, Miss., to Maryville, Tenn., got lost. The long-lost card raised eyebrows at the Tinley Park post office, and Davis' family learned about it through a newspaper account. The supervisor had sent the card on to Maryville but got it back when Davis contacted him. "There is a lot of nostalgia in this thing. I' ...
After tucking in his six-year-old son Chris one night, Robert O'Brien tapped his son's chest and asked, "Do you know what you have in there?" Chris looked puzzled and responded, "My guts?" "No, you have a piece of God," his father replied. After a brief silence Chris responded, "God is in my guts?" "No," said his Dad, "we have a piece of God inside of us; it is God's gift to each of us." Chris smiled, tapped his Dad's chest, and asked whether his Dad had a piece of God in his guts. They laughed and ...
Have you ever prayed for a miracle? I'm not talking about a really big miracle like praying for a family member near death. I'm talking about little miracles like, Oh, Lord, please let the traffic light stay green! Or Jesus, please help me to ace this test! Or, God, please let our team win! Is there anyone in the room who has ever prayed for that kind of miracle? Author Jay Kesler says that shortly after he got his driver's license he wrecked his dad's car. The crash tore away the front fender, two doors, ...
Have you ever noticed that communication is difficult business? In the book AMERICA'S DUMBEST CRIMINALS there is a story about a blundering, wannabe robber with speech difficulties in Thibodaux, Louisiana, who just couldn't win for losing. Sam Lincoln entered Bob's Cafe and, speaking in his thick, backwoods Cajun accent, ordered the waitress to "give me all the money." Unfortunately, she couldn't understand a word he said. To her it sounded like he was ordering "a sieve with all the honey." In desperation ...
Darden K. Caylor, a pastor in Cedar Rapids, IA, says that the day he decided to become a minister is still clearly etched in his brain. He was sitting at his Grandma Rula's house when he heard a voice speak to him from a distance. At first it was muffled, but then it became clearer. It said, "You should become a minister." Caylor couldn't believe it. Was this divine intervention? Was God really speaking to him? Did God really want him to become a minister? He was so shocked he couldn't move. The voice ...
U.S. NEWS & WORLD REPORT carried a survey last spring about Heaven. This was before the deaths of Mother Teresa and Princess Diana. The survey discovered that 87% of Americans believe they, themselves, are likely to go to heaven. Only 79% believed Mother Teresa would. Sixtysix percent believe Oprah will. Sixtyfive percent believe Michael Jordan will. Sixtyone percent believe Colin Powell will. Sixty percent believed Princess Di would. Fiftyfive percent believe Al Gore and Hillary Rodham Clinton will. ...
The speaker at a woman's club was lecturing on marriage and asked the audience how many of them wanted to "mother" their husbands. One member in the back row raised her hand. "You mean you really want to mother your husband?" the speaker asked. "Mother?" the woman said. "I thought you said smother." A Protestant young man was marrying a Catholic girl. They met with her priest to sign some prewedding ceremony papers. While filling out the form, the young man read aloud a few questions. When he got to the ...
At a certain popular resort there are hot springs and cold springs side by side. Local people washed clothes in the hot spring and then rinsed them in the cold. A tourist, watching the procedure, said to one of the natives, "How bountiful of nature to supply these springs." "Not so bountiful," said the native. "You'll notice there's no soap." A new pastor was full of enthusiasm on his first Sunday. He mentioned the thrill of accepting the call of the congregation, particularly since it had been a unanimous ...
In his book, JUST AS LONG AS I'M RIDING UP FRONT, Ray McIver tells of belonging to the Kiwanis club in the 1950s in the small town of San Marcos, Texas. The Kiwanians were a lively group, says McIver, all except for Roger Shelton. Roger came to meetings late, sat by himself, and rarely said a word. The Kiwanians would usually have entertainment of some kind before they got down to club business. At one particular meeting, the entertainment consisted of a barbershop quartet composed of local college ...
The movie, The Bridge on the River Kwai, chronicles the work of a group of soldiers, imprisoned by the Japanese during the Second World War. These soldiers were forced to build a railway across a very difficult section of mountains between Burma and Siam. Eric Lomax, a British soldier, is a reallife survivor of that group of prisoners. Throughout his imprisonment, Eric and thousands of other British soldiers were starved and tortured, and many died. When the Japanese officers suspected Eric of having a ...
Someone once made a collection of the thoughts of children about romance. They call it: "Kids say the darndest things . . . about love": What do most people do on a date? "On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for the second date." (Mike, age 10) When is it okay to kiss someone? "You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, ˜cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." (Jim, age 10) ...
So when they had come together they asked him, "Lord, is this the time when you will restore the kingdom to Israel?" He replied, "It is not for you to know the times . . . but you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." "Lord, is this the time? Is this the time when you will restore the kingdom to Israel?" Israel had waited. And waited. And waited. Craving the reestablishment of David's ...
"I wanted more than mere fortune," a young Italian wrote in his diary. "I wanted fame. I wanted love. I wanted my name to ring around the world. I shall never go home until I can go home somebody." And he did go home somebodybut not where it counted the most. Only 18 years of age this young Italian immigrated to America and changed his name. At first he worked as a gardener and cabaret dancer before heading to Hollywood. After years as a bit player, he hit it big in 1921 and went on to star in such films ...
Peter Godwin was a bit of an oddity in the African village where he grew up. Though a British citizen, Peter and his family had moved to Rhodesia when he was just a child. His mother, a missionary doctor, was assigned to start a vaccination program. Under her supervision thousands of people were inoculated against tuberculosis, smallpox, and other diseases. For some diseases, a shot was needed, but for others the vaccination was much more pleasant. It only involved putting a small dose of medicine on a ...
Jeff Hill is with IBM. But like many people nowadays he works from home. Working from home, he says he needs a professional sounding voicemail greeting so everyone will know he's hard at work. While he was recording a new message one morning, Jeff's wife was across the hall from his office, folding clothes with their six-year-old daughter, who had just emerged from the shower. Jeff's professional message ended up sounding like this: Male voice: "Hi, this is Jeff Hill with IBM." Female voice: "Look at you! ...
"Behold, the potter was working at the wheel And the vessel that he was making of clay was spoiled in the hand of the potter. So he made it over reworking it into another vessel, as it seemed good to the potter to make it." (Jeremiah 18:3,4 Amplified Bible) It was a classic episode of "I Love Lucy." Lucy had taken a job at a candy factory and she was being trained on the first day of her new job. It was Lucy's duty to stand at a conveyor belt with pieces of candy continuously passing in front of her. She ...
Have you ever been afraid to drive over a high bridge? If so, you're not alone. In fact, some people are so afraid of bridges that they will drive hours out of their way to avoid them. Others try to cross but have a panic attack in the middle of a bridge and can't go on. They block traffic. Because of this, the operators of some of the longest and highest spans in America now offer a driving service. On request, one of the bridge attendants will get behind the wheel and drive your car over the terrifying ...
Object: a baby's rattle Good morning, boys and girls. This morning I want to tell you a story. Back in Jesus' day, there was a kind of nerve disease that was really awful. It was called leprosy. Leprosy was about the worst disease a person could have in Jesus' day. Everyone was afraid of lepers, and they hated them. No one wanted to get close to a leper. In fact, if you had leprosy, you had to go around shouting, "I am unclean! Unclean!" so people would know to stay away from you. Some people with leprosy ...
Two country boys, Zeke and Zeb, decided to build a Bungee Jumping tower down in Mexico to see if it would make them some money. After they got it set up, they noticed that the crowds gathered around but nobody was buying tickets. Zeke said to Zeb, "Maybe you should demonstrate it to them so they get the idea." After Zeb was strapped on he jumped and fell almost to the ground before springing back. As he came back up Zeke noticed that Zeb's clothes were torn and wondered what that was all about. Zeb went ...
Florence Littauer was speaking at a Church Growth Conference in Atlanta, Georgia. Florence was winning the crowd with her great sense of humor and anecdotes of everyday life. She told one delightful story about a speaking engagement during which she was focusing on the sinfulness of humankind and the need for God's grace. Spontaneously, Florence asked, "Does anyone here know what grace means?" A 7yearold girl on the front row, all decked out in a white dress, stood up and raised her hand. "I know, Miss ...
Sometimes the words of Jesus, taken out of context, can cause us real problems. Imagine if you and I were sales people and we had invited Jesus to speak at our annual sales banquet. Imagine Jesus standing up as the guest speaker, looking us over with a strange mixture of anger and compassion, and then speaking these words: "But woe to you who are rich, for you have already received your comfort. Woe to you who are well fed now, for you will go hungry. Woe to you who laugh now, for you will mourn and weep. ...
It was Anita Cheek Milner's fiftieth birthday. Her older daughter gave her a pin that said: 50 is NIFTY. Anita wore it to work that day, and what fun it was! All day, people kept saying things to her like, "Anita, you don't look fifty " or "Why, Anita, you can't be fifty" and "We know you can't be fifty." It was wonderful, she reports. "Now, I knew they were lying," she confesses, "and they knew I knew, but isn't that what friends and coworkers are for? To lie to you when you need it, in times of emergency ...
In the city of Boston is a memorial to the Holocaust. On one of the clear plastic walls of the memorial, built in a corridor that runs for about a city block, is a moving story attributed to Gerda Weissman Klein. Gerda experienced first-hand the horror of the German concentration camps in World War II. It is hard for us to imagine the stark conditions in those camps. However, in the midst of the hate and violence of the Nazi regime Gerda tells a lovely story of beauty and grace. Gerda is befriended by a ...