Back in 1919, the Chicago Blacksocks Baseball scandal was unfolding in the newspapers before the public eye of the American people. One afternoon as Shoeless Joe Jackson was leaving the field, a die-hard baseball fan cried out, "Joe, say it ain't so, say it ain't so." The July 6, 1990, issue of the United Methodist Reporter newspaper reported the findings of a gallop poll that was conducted by the Board of Discipleship and the Reverend Ray Sells, a denominational executive. Here is what it states, "Study ...
Object: a dust rag, a toy, and a pillow Good morning, boys and girls. Do you have a grumble monster at your house? Do you know what I mean by a grumble monster? Let's say that your mommy or your daddy asks you to clean up your room. But you don't want to, so you grumble and complain. Now you are acting like the grumble monster. Or the teacher asks you to share the toys at school. But you don't want to, so you grumble and whine. Oops, there's the grumble monster again. Or maybe, mommy or daddy tells you to ...
A young pastor was telling his congregation how bad women are. He stated that a lot of the trouble in the world was due to women. He went on and on about women and the problems they cause. After the message the pastor was greeting the people as they left church. An older husky woman came up to the pastor and, as she was shaking his hand, she squeezed it quite unmercifully. He cried out, "That hurts." She asked him, "What was the telephone number of the Garden of Eden?" He said, "I don't know." She ...
One day many years ago, a fisherman's wife blessed her husband with twin sons. They loved the children very much, but couldn't think of what to name them. Finally, after several days, the fisherman said, "Let's not decide on names right now. If we wait a little while, the names will simply occur to us." After several weeks had passed, the fisherman and his wife noticed a peculiar fact. When left alone, one of the boys would turn toward the sea, while the other boy would face inland. It didn't matter which ...
It's a classic children's story told time and time again. A little boy is asked by his kindergarten teacher where his heart is. He points to the seat of his pants. "Why do you say that is where your heart is?" asks the kindergarten teacher. "Because," said the little boy, "My grandmother is always patting me there and saying, ˜Bless your little heart.'" There is no more relevant question that we can ask than this one: "Where is your heart?" SOME OF YOU WOULD SAY THAT YOUR HEART IS WITH YOUR FAMILY. And ...
Back in 1985, William R. Greer performed an in-depth chemical analysis of the human body and its mineral properties. His conclusions were published in the International Herald Tribune and The New York Times. Greer claimed that the average human body contained 5 pounds of calcium, 9 ounces of potassium, 1 and 1/2 pounds of phosphorus, 6 ounces of sodium, 6 ounces of sulfur, 1 ounce of magnesium, and trace amounts of iron, iodine, and copper. According to a professor at the Illinois Medical School, the total ...
There is a wonderful story about a group of military leaders who succeeded in building a super computer that was able to solve any problem large or small, strategic or tactical. These military leaders assembled in front of the new machine for a demonstration. The engineer conducting the demonstration instructed these officers to feed a difficult tactical problem into it. The military leaders proceeded to describe a hypothetical situation to the computer and then asked the pivotal question: attack or ...
(Mother's Day) Have you ever noticed that, across time and space, mothers everywhere share certain similarities? Someone compiled a list of possible sayings of Biblical mothers. See if any of these sound familiar: DAVID! I told you not to play in the house with that sling! Go practice your harp. We pay good money for those lessons! ABRAHAM! Stop wandering around the countryside and get home for supper! SHADRACH, MESHACH AND ABEDNEGO! Leave those clothes outside, you smell like a furnace! CAIN! Get off your ...
A family had sold everything possible to pay bills and to put food on the table. Nevertheless, a burglar broke in one night when the family was gone. The family returned and found the door knocked off its hinges. "What did the burglar get?" the police officer asked. The head of the house just shook his head. "Practice," he said. It's not easy being poor. What did Jesus mean, "Blessed are the poor?" Jesus was a master at keeping his listeners off-balance. He always said the unexpected. He praised people ...
When William Montague Dyke was ten years old, he was blinded in an accident. Despite his disability, William graduated from a university in England with high honors. While he was in school, he fell in love with the daughter of a high-ranking British naval officer, and they became engaged. Not long before the wedding, William had eye surgery in the hope that the operation would restore his sight. If it failed, he would remain blind for the rest of his life. William insisted on keeping the bandages on his ...
At this time of year, many children have already written, or are just sitting down to write, their letters to Santa. It's exciting trying to fit all your wishes into one well-worded little note. Maybe it would sound something like these letters: Dear Santa, Please give me a doll this year. I would like her to eat, walk, do my homework, and help me clean my room. Thank you, Jenny. Dear Santa, Thanks for the race car last year. Can I have another one, only this time one that is faster than my best friend's ...
Little Jonathan came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing. It was obvious he’d been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked Jonathan what happened. “Well, Dad,” said Jonathan, “You know Eddie--that boy who’s always giving me a hard time. I challenged him to a duel. And I gave him his choice of weapons.” His father said, “that seems fair.” “I know,” Jonathan said, “but I never thought he’d choose his big sister!” Conflict is part of life. ...
On January 1, 2002, John Guth, 32, and Jeff Teiten, 24, set up camp outside the Cinerama theater in Seattle. They announced they intended to await the public sale of tickets for Star Wars Episode I; Attack of the Clones, scheduled for release May 16, 2002. Teiten said he was actually involved in an art project which involved "waiting for something." He was keeping a log of his experience and originally wanted to await the film for two years. "I'm becoming very aware just how long an hour is," he said, and ...
A man working at a school for the deaf was walking by a computer lab. He saw a deaf student sitting alone and signing vigorously into thin air. He could see her moving her hands and arms with great force, but there seemed to be no one with whom she was communicating. It turns out that she was cursing her computer. (1) Some of you who work with computers can relate to that. I want to focus for a few moments today on people who have what we sometimes call, handicapping conditions--those who cannot see, ...
The following notice appeared sometime back in a newspaper in the northeastern part of the U. S.: "To those of you who bought our book, Skydiving Made Easy, please enter the following correction on page 12, paragraph 3, line 2: The words 'State zip code' should say "Pull rip cord.' We regret any inconvenience this mistake may have caused you." (1) I suspect it might have caused some inconvenience. A husband who was not used to doing housework decided to wash his dirty sweatshirt. After stepping into the ...
Kent Crockett, in his book, I Once Was Blind, but Now I Squint includes A Pessimist's Commentary on Psalm 23. The author is listed as "Ima Whiner." It is admittedly a spoof. But it is a good way for us to begin our thinking about today's text. The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want. "Shall not want?" Says Ima Whiner. "Give me a break. I want lots of things. I'd like to have a nicer house, a better job, and a pay raise. I want people to do what I say when I say. And I wouldn't mind winning the lottery ...
Dr. William Barclay was one of the most respected Bible scholars in the world. His life was devastated at one point when his only daughter drowned just a few days before she was to be married. Sometime later, commenting on our scripture lesson for today, Dr. Barclay said this: "I am not so concerned as to whether Jesus stilled the tempest on the sea. What I do know is He stilled the tempest in my heart." Throughout the last 20 centuries there have been millions of people who have heard Christ speak his ...
Success has always been measured in inches. A few short inches can be the difference between a home run and a putout in a baseball game. In the Olympics, the difference between winning the gold medal and finishing in the back of the pack is often measured in fractions. If you hold your thumb and forefinger about 2-1/2 inches apart, you get an idea of what one-hundredth of a second translates to in a 100-meter race. At the 1992 Olympics in Barcelona a runner from Jamaica finished six one-hundredths of a ...
This is the bread that came down from heaven. Your forefathers ate manna and died, but he who feeds on this bread will live forever. During Operation Desert Storm, Al and Barbara Davis, a retired Virginia couple, read that soldiers in the field weren't getting enough potassium and protein. One problem was that bananas, an excellent source of potassium, spoiled before they could get to the soldiers. So Al and Barbara had an idea: why not make banana-nut bread and send it to the soldiers overseas? Their ...
In 1939, President Franklin Delano Roosevelt and First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt prepared to receive a diplomatic visit from King George VI and Queen Elizabeth of Great Britain. Every detail of their visit had to be planned meticulously. Only the finest accommodations, food, and entertainment would be appropriate for the royal couple. But on the second night of the King’s visit, Eleanor Roosevelt decided to break with protocol. She invited the King and Queen to come to the Roosevelt’s private cabin for an ...
SUBJECT: Christmas, greed, materialism CHARACTERS: Father, Daughter, Young son, Angel PROPS: A desk with a chair, Two pieces of paper and a pen, A wastepaper basket SETTING: In the living room Father: "Hey, you two, only three more days ''til Christmas! Are you getting excited?" Daughter: "Yeah!" Father: "Have you finished writing your Christmas lists for Santa? If you don''t write your Christmas list, then Santa won''t know what to bring you." Daughter: (slightly joking, playing along for brother ...
“He’s the salt of the earth!” That’s a common expression. We all know what it means. It means that the person is “grand guy, one in a million.” It is a badge of honor, an accolade reserved for someone we admire tremendously. And it all got started in Jesus’ words to His disciples. I. ACTUALLY, AS IT APPEARS IN MARK’S GOSPEL, THE SAYING IS A BIT CONFUSING. Commentators have been tearing their hair out for centuries trying to understand what the verse at the tag end of Jesus’ harsh saying about radical ...
That was a beautiful thing which was done in 1989 by the Boy Scouts from Troop 4, sponsored by First United Methodist Church of Ann Arbor, and from Troop 61, sponsored by Domino’s Pizza. They gave money to help the owner of the taxicab which was damaged by rioters celebrating Michigan’s NCAA Basketball championship. (Ann Arbor News, April 19, 1989, p. 1) That was a beautiful thing to do...and I hope that somebody else sees fit to reimburse the poor fellow for the rest of the repair bill for the incident, ...
“And when they had sung a hymn, they went out to the Mount of Olives.” (Mark 14:26) This little verse in Mark’s Gospel which occurs at the end of the Last Supper account, has always intrigued me. It may well be one of the greatest pictures of quiet courage and confidence in all of literature. For Jesus and His students were singing in the very shadow of the cross! I. THEY WERE NOT THE FIRST NOR THE LAST TO DO SO. Scholars suggest that the hymn they may have sung was the famous hallel Psalm 118, which was ...
Is there anything more frustrating than to be reading an interesting article in the newspaper, only to find that the article is “continued on page 7, section C”.... and then turn to page 7, Section C., only to find that someone has either torn off that page or cut an article from the other side and thereby wiped out the conclusion of the story? That’s sort of the way it is with the Gospel of St. Mark. I. SCHOLARS HAVE KNOWN FOR A LONG TIME THAT MARK’S GOSPEL IS CUT SHORT AT THE END OF VERSE 8. They know ...