Ten young ladies were on their way to a wedding. Five of the girls were wise and had prepared for the trip, making certain that they had enough oil to fuel their lamps. Five maidens were foolish. Their minds were preoccupied with other things. It was still light when they left home, but now darkness was coming. The bridegroom was delayed. Their lamps were running out of oil and they had none in reserve. They asked the five wiser maidens if they could borrow some oil from them, but they were refused. "Go ...
A psychology professor was giving his students a test. He asked one question concerning manic depression. "What would you call someone," the question read, "who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute and then sits in a chair and weeps uncontrollably the next?" One of the students answered, "A basketball coach." Coaching basketball must take a terrible toll emotionally. That's why Indiana's Bobby Knight is famous for his tantrums, and Las Vegas Nevada's Jerry Tarkanian chews on a ...
An ad once appeared in the personals column of a newsletter. It read like this: "Married, professional man, 47, with problems in home, seeks dalliance with a married/unmarried, intelligent woman." The ad had been written by some researchers. They were curious about who would respond to such an ad. Much to their astonishment, they were deluged by responses. For example, here's one: "I am a 34-year-old female, pretty, rubenesque, brown hair, dark blue eyes. I work as a nurse in large urban hospital. My ...
Many of us have felt what Elijah felt out in the wilderness. Things are quickly going from bad to worse and I am the only one left who cares! That was Elijah's weary response to God. It came after Elijah's momentous victory over the prophets of Baal on Mount Carmel. How quickly we can slide from the mountain of triumph into the valley of despond. Elijah did. Queen Jezebel was after his blood. He had fled out into the wilderness. He was hiding in a cave. God came to him in that cave and asked him, "What are ...
Some years ago, the London Times ran a front-page story about an Englishman named Arthur Arch. He had just celebrated his 95th birthday, which was an accomplishment in and of itself. But the truly newsworthy thing about Mr. Arch was that for 42 years he had been precisely and consistently 20 minutes late for every meeting and appointment he had. According to his own time, he was always prompt. But according to everyone else's time, he was always late! You see, in 1922 in England they changed all of the ...
This is the age of the half-read page; The quick hash and the mad dash. This is the age of the bright night with the nerves tight; And the plane hop with a brief stop. This is the age of the lamp tan in a short span. The brain strain and the heart pain; The catnaps till the spring snaps and the fun is done. I know, that sounds kind of cynical. But there's lots of truth in that poem. An article in the magazine, PSYCHOLOGY TODAY, had this to say: "In the next 12 months, we will consume around 20,000 tons of ...
John R. Aurelio in his book, COLORS!, tells a most intriguing story. At the birth of his son a certain king instructed his royal gardener to develop the most magnificent flower ever grown. This magnificent flower would one day be presented to the woman the king's son chose to be his bride. The royal gardener began at once. He decided that he would focus his attention on the most regal of all the flowers ” the rose. His would be a rose of beauty beyond description. Over the months and years he experimented ...
Since we are talking about getting the proper nourishment, today, I thought I would share with you eight dieting tips that I picked up recently. Tip 1: If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories. Tip 2: If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, they will cancel each other out. Tip 3: Calories don't count if you eat with someone and you both eat the same amount. Tip 4: Food taken for medicinal purposes does not count. This includes toast, hot chocolate, and Sara Lee chocolate cake. Tip 5: If you fatten ...
There is an ancient verse by an unknown poet that goes something like this: I eat peas with honey, Been doin' it all my life; It tastes kind of funny, But it keeps the peas on my knife. Most of us have never known anyone who eats peas with a knife. It sounds like quite a feat. I suspect I would scatter those little green varmints all around the dining room if I tried it. And yet I understand that there was a time when some people practiced that quaint custom. I thought about this when I read a story that ...
One fellow was bragging to another about his grandfather: "My grandfather," he said, "knew the exact day of the exact year when he was going to die. Not only that, he knew the time he would die that day as well." His friend said, "Wow, that's incredible. How did he know all of that?" The first fellow said: "Because a judge told him." An old man looks out from prison bars. This is a view he's seen before. He's been arrested many times. He has suffered numerous beatings. Funny how life turns out. He was once ...
A young pastor was telling his congregation how bad women are. He stated that a lot of the trouble in the world was due to women. He went on and on about women and the problems they cause. After the message the pastor was greeting the people as they left church. An older husky woman came up to the pastor and, as she was shaking his hand, she squeezed it quite unmercifully. He cried out, "That hurts." She asked him, "What was the telephone number of the Garden of Eden?" He said, "I don't know." She ...
Would anyone argue with me that stress is a significant killer in our society? Stress takes a terrible toll. Have you ever noticed how much presidents seem to age while they are in office? It is no illusion. Investigators at the University of Cape Breton in Nova Scotia compared the age at death of 162 presidents and prime ministers with their age when they came to power. Those who took office at a young age died about nine years earlier than leaders who seized the reins later in life. The same held true ...
A distraught woman tried many times to contact her minister only to discover that it was his day off. She made contact with him the next day and scolded him severely. "Pastor, I needed you yesterday," she said, "and you were not there for me. You have let me down. I cannot believe you would take a day off when so many people like me need you." Then she added, "The devil never takes a day off." The minister, a little irritated and with tongue in cheek, responded, "And if I didn't take a day off I would be ...
Sometimes you discover a word of truth in the strangest places. In the book A SOUTHERN BELLE PRIMER, Marilyn Schwartz writes about the traditions, mysteries, and preparation that go into becoming a true Southern belle. One quality that every Southern belle must possess, according to Ms. Schwartz, is SPARKLE--that mixture of poise and vivaciousness that draws everyone's eyes and ears to her. One belle from Alabama commented that she learned to sparkle in dance class. At the tender age of six, she was chosen ...
Gloria Swanson was one of Hollywood's top actresses from the 1920s to the 1950s. She was quite ambitious. Early in her career, Swanson was quoted as saying, "I have gone through enough of being a nobody. I have decided that when I am a star, I will be every inch and every moment the star! Everybody from the studio gate man to the highest executive will know it." And Swanson made sure of that. Before returning from a trip to France, Gloria Swanson sent a telegram to her film studio informing them that she ...
At this time of year, many children have already written, or are just sitting down to write, their letters to Santa. It's exciting trying to fit all your wishes into one well-worded little note. Maybe it would sound something like these letters: Dear Santa, Please give me a doll this year. I would like her to eat, walk, do my homework, and help me clean my room. Thank you, Jenny. Dear Santa, Thanks for the race car last year. Can I have another one, only this time one that is faster than my best friend's ...
It always makes us feel good when people take their time to express appreciation. The late, great cowboy film star and all-round good guy Roy Rogers never forgot the people who made him what he was. According to Zig Ziglar in his book, Something to Smile About, after Roy starred in his first movie, he began receiving huge stacks of fan mail that he wanted to answer. However, his salary of $150 a week did not even cover the required postage. He talked to the head of Republic Pictures in the hope that the ...
There was a rock musical in the 1960s called Jesus Christ Superstar. In the musical, Judas Iscariot mocks Jesus with the theme song of the musical. The lyrics of one of the verses are something like this: "If you'd come today you could have reached the whole nation-- Israel in four B.C. had no mass communication . . . Jesus Christ Superstar, Do you think you're what they say you are?" (1) Makes sense, doesn't it? Judas' line of thinking indicates that God should have hired someone to handle public ...
Recently, passengers on a flight from Hawaii to Los Angeles were surprised when a passenger got up from his seat and began pacing the aisles, reading his Bible very loudly. The other passengers and the flight crew were unable to get the man to sit down and be quiet, so they subdued the man and duct-taped him to his seat. When the plane landed, Los Angeles police officers took the man into custody. (1) What do you suppose got into this individual? Was he afraid of flying, or had he suffered some severe ...
[Pastor, this self-deprecating introduction is for a non-runner. If you are a runner, you will want to introduce the sermon in a different way.] This morning our theme is "Running for Joy." Most of you don't know that I'm a runner. [Pause.] Of course I don't run five miles any more. [Pause.] Not that I ever ran five miles at any one time. [Pause.] Actually, five miles is the aggregate of a life time of running. [Pause.] Running looks like hard work to me---especially marathons. I read recently a statement ...
Have you ever noticed that no matter what you do, you can't please everybody? Somebody, somewhere is going to criticize your best efforts. Former president John F. Kennedy once told about a legendary baseball player who always played flawlessly. He consistently hit and was never thrown out at first base. When on base he never failed to score. He never dropped a ball and threw with unerring accuracy. He ran quickly and played perfectly. Actually, he would have been one of the all-time greats except for one ...
I am always thrilled and uplifted by the faith of little children. Maybe that is why when anyone sends me a list of CHILDREN'S LETTERS TO GOD, I read them not only with a smile, but also with a sigh: Oh, to have faith like that. Here are a few that are circulating right now: God, Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? --Norma Dear God, Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't You just keep the ones You have now? -- Jane Dear God, Who draws the ...
Have you ever noticed that men like to make jokes about marriage? For example, there's a story about a man sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him. "Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's going on?" Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, "My wife just ran off with my ...
On July 23, 2002, nine miners in Western Pennsylvania became trapped in a flooded mine. The injured and desperate men tied themselves together so that the stronger ones could sustain the weaker ones as they waited to be rescued. Journalists from across the nation reported the rescue effort, which took five long days. No one could believe it when all nine miners emerged safely from the mine. On July 30, the people of the small mining community gathered for a worship service to thank God for saving the ...
Politicians in Washington play the gotcha game to perfection. To make matters worse the news media feeds on it. Not only do they feed on it, they feed it, hoping for a national scandal to make themselves appear relevant. These various political events are a fitting context for our scriptural text about hypocrisy. Listen to what Jesus says about these politicians (in his day they were called Pharisees): “They tie up heavy loads and put them on men's shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a ...