A good rule of thumb, as you go through life, is this: vow never to eat anything that calls itself "processed." When I was a kid we used to refer to those staples of mom's lunch box meals as "plastic meat and rubber cheese" sandwiches. You know, mysterious paper-thin "processed" meat slices combined with those perfectly square, individually wrapped "processed" cheese slices. Remember them?

It is doubtful that those sandwiches will ever de-compose in our landfills. Even worse was the threat of a processed turkey roll (note that they couldn't bring themselves to call it a roast) at a Thanksgiving or Christmas celebration. We always voiced loud and revolting opinions about just what parts of the turkey had been "processed" to create those symmetrical loaves of "meat."

"Processed" isn't even…