Is there anyone here who doesn’t appreciate a nice compliment from time to time? A compliment truly is oxygen for the soul.
Let me tell you about a service on the web that is designed to lift you up when you are down. It is called “Emergency compliment.com.” You can go there and see brief messages to feed your ego and boost your mood. Who wouldn’t like to be told things like “Your prom date still thinks about you all the time”? Or “You are someone’s ‘the one that got away.’” (1) You’ll find it there: “Emergency compliment.com.”
The truth is that all of us need a little “pick-me-up” from time to time. Well, how about this little verse from St. Paul: “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
Think of that--we are God’s handiwork . . . or as one scholar has translated it, “We are God’s work of art . . .” When Paul says we are God’s handiwork, he is not saying we are perfect. He doesn’t even claim that we are better than other people. In fact he begins this passage describing in detail what rascals we’ve been. He writes, “As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins . . .”
But then he writes, “But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ . . .”
We are God’s handiwork because of what God has done for us through Jesus Christ.
This is so important. What you become as a person is determined to a great extent by how you see yourself. As motivational speaker Zig Ziglar once said, “You cannot consistently perform in a manner which is inconsistent with the way you see yourself.” We see that played out all the time in sports.
Some of you are baseball fans. You will remember a former championship manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers named Tommy Lasorda. In an interview he did one time with baseball announcer Bob Costas, Lasorda confessed that in one of his first outings as a relief pitcher in the 1950s, he was so overcome with anxiety about pitching to certain players that he would deliberately try to balk. Imagine that, a pitcher deliberately trying to be called for a balk. Problem was, the umpires wouldn’t call it. Lasorda was forced to face his fears and overcome them. But he learned from that experience.
Fast forward a few decades. Tommy Lasorda is now managing pitcher Orel Hershiser in his first year. Tommy wanted to improve Hershiser’s self-perception. The Dodgers were getting ready to play the Braves and Tommy told Orel, “Tomorrow when Dale Murphy comes to bat and sees the name Orel, he’s going to laugh and then pound you deep. So I’m going to give you a new name--Bulldog.”
And the rest, as they say is history. Orel Hershiser, or Bulldog Hershiser as Lasorda called him, became a Hall of Fame pitcher. His most successful season came in 1988, when he set a major league record by pitching 59 consecutive innings without allowing a run. He helped lead the Dodgers to a championship in that year’s World Series, and was named his division’s Most Valuable Player as well as the World Series MVP. That season, he also won the National League’s Cy Young Award as the best pitcher in baseball. (2) What you become as a person is determined to a great extent by how you see yourself.
One of the twentieth century’s great preachers, Dr. Harry Emerson Fosdick once wrote, “Hold a picture of yourself long and steadily enough in your mind’s eye and you will be drawn toward it . . . Great living starts with a picture held in your imagination of what you would like to do or be.” That’s good advice.
Learning to accept yourself and believe in yourself is one of life’s most important battles.
In 1971 Nancy Miller was a shy fifth-grader in Atlanta, Georgia, with a poor self-concept. This poor self-concept came partially from the fact that she was born with only her pinkie fingers and two partial fingers on both of her hands. She was too embarrassed to learn square dancing because she didn’t think the boys would want to hold her hands. But through the encouragement of her P.E. teacher, who chose Nancy as his partner, she learned to accept herself and believe in herself. Today, Nancy Miller is a mother of four who plays the piano and types 65 words per minute--all because of a teacher who was there for her. (3)
May I say that learning to accept yourself and believe in yourself may be a particularly difficult task for women. William Dorfman is a dentist to the stars in Los Angeles, California. He also donates his skills to a local women’s shelter, where he fixes the teeth of homeless women, prostitutes, abused women and children. One benefit of his work at the shelter is seeing the women develop a new sense of self-confidence once the work has been done on their teeth. As Dr. Dorfman says of his patients, “She becomes a new person because she sees a new person.” (4)
Now why do I say this may be a more difficult task in our society for women?
Studies show that starting in about fourth grade, boys tend to overestimate their school performance compared to how their teachers rate them; girls, on the other hand, tend to underestimate their performance. Why that is so I do not know, but it is.
Furthermore, boys tend to attribute their failures to back luck, the difficulty of the tasks, or not trying hard enough. Girls tend to attribute their failures to personal incompetence. This may be one reason why girls are more prone to depression.
Researchers note that “believing you are competent can be highly motivating, even when it’s not true. Conversely, believing that you are incompetent can undermine your motivation, even when it’s not true.” (5)
“As a person thinks in his heart, so is he”--says Proverbs 23:7.
I do believe we are doing better as a society in helping women value themselves, but we still have a way to go. Some of you will remember when author Betty Friedan shocked the whole country into seriously examining the role of women in American society in her book The Feminine Mystique.
Women, Friedan explained, need to view themselves as people, not just extensions of their husbands or children. They need to be productive and creative, to develop a sense of self-respect about who they are. “Some people think I am saying: Women of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your men,” said Friedan. “It isn’t true. You have nothing to lose but your vacuum cleaner,” she continued. (6)
You may or may not agree with Betty Friedan. And things are getting better. And certainly there are many men who have a difficult time accepting themselves. As you know, one of the mysteries in our society right now is the increase in suicides among middle-aged males. Middle-aged men in the 45 to 60 age group experienced a 43 percent increase in suicide deaths from 1997 to 2014, and the rise has been even sharper since 2005. What does that say about our society? What challenges do these men face that make them decide that taking their own life is the only way out?
The problem is that our self-image is determined at a very early age, and it is very difficult to undo.
Years ago, Parade magazine featured an interview with comedian Steve Allen and his wife, Jayne Meadows, on their many years together in marriage. Much of the article focused on Steve’s unstable and dysfunctional family background. In a final comment about his childhood, Jayne said, “We are who we are because of where we’ve been.” And that’s true. “We are who we are because of where we’ve been.”
Psychologists tell us that by the time we reach two years of age, 50 percent of what we ever believe about ourselves has been formed. Think about that, parents. Think of the importance of those first two years of life. By the age of six, 60 percent of our self‑belief has been established, and by the age of eight, about 80 percent. By the time we reach the age of fourteen, over 99 percent of us have a well‑developed sense, either correctly or incorrectly, of who we are.
Many years ago, there was a book about a special character named Bunker Bean. Bunker Bean was orphaned at a young age, and he grew up in different foster homes. Consequently, Bunker had no self-esteem.
One day, a spiritual medium, a huckster, moved into Bunker’s boarding house. The medium claimed that Bunker had been Napoleon Bonaparte in another life. Wow! Napoleon Bonaparte was powerful, intelligent, self-confident--the absolute opposite of Bunker Bean.
So Bunker began studying everything he could about Napoleon. As he studied, he began to take on some of his hero’s positive characteristics. He became more self-confident, powerful, decisive, even intelligent. One day, this medium who had inspired Bunker was revealed to be an absolute fraud. But that didn’t matter to Bunker Bean. By then, he had become the kind of person the medium had told him he could become. (7) Our self-image is determined at a very early age and it is very difficult to undo. But that doesn’t mean it is impossible.
It is never too late to change your self-image. I know what some of you are thinking. You’re thinking, “Pastor, you don’t know me that well. I’m not worth anything. And it’s too late for me to change.”
One man said to his pastor, “You know how at big basketball games, when their team is ahead, the home fans sometimes taunt the other team by cruelly chanting ‘Over-rated, over-rated’? Deep in my heart I hear that same taunt: ‘Over-rated, over-rated.’ There’s no hope for me.”
Oh, but there is hope. Remember Harry Emerson Fosdick’s great statement, “Hold a picture of yourself long and steadily enough in your mind’s eye and you will be drawn toward it . . . Great living starts with a picture held in your imagination of what you would like to do or be.” May I suggest you add another picture to those already in your mind? It is a picture of Christ with a lamb in his arms. That lamb is you. Now picture Christ with his arms wide open, with a smile on his face. He wants to take you in his arms and let you know how special you are to him. Picture Christ standing at a door knocking. That door where he is knocking is your heart. He wants to come in and make you a new creation. It’s not too late by the grace of God to change the way you think about yourself.
Virginia Mollenkott, a professor of English and a theologian, wrote that she loved to watch students come alive in her classes. “One of the courses I teach is freshman English, and that’s a place where you can empower people. They often come to you beaten down . . . Before I pass back their first graded paper, I give them a little speech: ‘This grade is not for you. This grade is for a piece of work you turned in.’ Then I ask them if they want to know what I think of them, and usually they want to. So I continue, ‘I think you’re made in the image of God and of inestimable worth . . .’
Then Virginia Mollenkott adds these words: “For me, the meaning of life is to share with people the wonderful news that we are the daughters and sons of God.” (8)
St. Paul writes: “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works . . .” Can you imagine that he is saying that about your life? It makes no difference who you are. It makes no difference what you’ve done. It doesn’t matter how many strikes are against you. You are His work of art. With His help you can turn your mess into a masterpiece.
In one of his books Max Lucado tells us about a woman named Madam Fauna. Madam Fauna is a character in a John Steinbeck novel titled Sweet Thursday. Madam Fauna runs a brothel. In spite of her occupation Madam Fauna takes a liking to a prostitute by the name of Suzy and she sincerely desires a better life for this young woman.
One day Madam Fauna decides to set Suzy up on a real date with a man, not a client. She buys Suzy a nice dress and helps her get ready for the evening.
As Suzy is leaving, she is visibly moved by Madam Fauna’s kindness. She asks her, “You have done so much for me. Can I do anything for you?”
“Yes,” the woman replies, “you can say, ‘I’m Suzy and no one else.’”
Suzy does. Then Madam Fauna requests, “Now say, ‘and I’m a good thing.’”
And so Suzy tries. “I’m Suzy, and I’m a good . . .” And Suzy begins to cry. (9)
She couldn’t say, “I’m a good thing.” I wonder if anybody ever told Suzy that she is God’s handiwork, that she is God’s work of art? I hope someone finally did.
That great Christian philosopher and martyr Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote a poem just one month before he was executed: “Who am I? They often tell me I would step from my cell’s confinement calmly, cheerfully, firmly, like a squire from his country-house. Who am I? They also tell me I would bear the days of misfortune calmly, smilingly, proudly, like one accustomed to win. Am I really then all that which other men tell of? Or am I only what I know of myself, Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage, struggling for breath . . . weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making, faint, and ready to say farewell to it all? Who am I? This or the other? . . . They mock me, these lonely questions of mine. Whoever I am, Thou knowest, O God, I am Thine.” (10)
That is the ultimate answer to a poor self-image. To pray, “Whoever I am, Thou knowest, O God, I am Thine.”
Learning to accept yourself and believe in yourself is one of life’s most important battles. The problem is that our self-image is determined at a very early age and it is very difficult to undo. However, it is never too late to change. Your new life begins when you understand that you are God’s handiwork--His work of art--and that He has a plan for your life. When that happens you will be on the path to being all He intends for you to be.
1. Reader’s Digest (Reader’s Digest USA).
2. Adapted. Contributed. Source: http://www.allprodad.com/pod/playoftheday.php.
3. Contributed. Author Unknown.
4. John Griffiths in Health, cited in Reader’s Digest, June 2003, p. 36.
5. Healthwise, August 1999, p. 5.
6. Jack Conway, American Literacy: Fifty Books That Define Our Culture and Ourselves (New York: William Morrow and Company, Inc.), pp. 251-252.
7. Dr. William Mitchell and Michael A. Mitchell. Building Strong Families (Nashville: Broadman and Holman Publishers), pp. 154-155.
8. Cited by The Reverend Stephen P. Bauman, http://www.christchurchnyc.org/ser/a/the_glorious_impossibility.html
9. A Love Worth Giving (Nashville: 2002).
10. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Letters and Papers from Prison, rev. ed., ed. Eberhard Bethge (New York: Macmillan), pp. 188‑189.