What can we say about this woman? She was pushy, aggressive, assertive. She would not be denied. Even when Jesus ignored her she would not quit. Can you ever remember Jesus deliberately ignoring anybody? But that's what the record shows. Matthew tells us a Canaanite woman came crying after Jesus: "Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David; my daughter is possessed by a demon." No big deal. Jesus was an expert at dealing with demons. This would be easy for him. But wait. Matthew tells us Jesus did not answer the woman. We don't even know if he looked in her direction. Here was a woman in great distress and Jesus doesn't even acknowledge her existence. That was totally out of character for the Master. His whole life was directed at reaching out to others. What happened here? Well, let's examine this scene and find out.
MAYBE IT WAS BECAUSE OF HER TIMING. Matthew tells us that Jesus had withdrawn into the district of Tyre and Sidon. Jesus did this from time to time as you know. He took his disciples off to a place where they could be apart from the crowd. Maybe he was tired - like all of us get tired from time to time.
Classical guitar maestro Andres Segovia is adored by his public, especially by the British. They do not let him go easily after a performance. Following two exhausting encores one night in London, Segovia, then 92, was forced to concede: "I would love to go on playing," he said, "but my guitar is tired." (1)
Jesus knew what it was to be tired. He knew what it was to need a change.
John R. O'Neil, in his book The Paradox of Success tells about a psychologist who was once summoned for a delicate interview with a top executive who had been acting oddly. Every Wednesday afternoon, this hard-charging company man would leave his office for a 3:00 P.M. appointment and did not return. He never told anyone where he went, but because he was observed entering a nearby apartment building, it was assumed he must be visiting a mistress.
Not so. The executive explained his habit to the psychologist quite easily. Inside Apartment 2B waited, not a luscious blonde, but a professional woodworking shop that he had set up, where he labored happily to turn out furniture and knick-knacks.
He kept his special appointment with himself faithfully because it was his retreat from the demands he fulfilled so carefully day in and day out. He needed this chance to be alone with himself, engaged in an activity that took his mind far from the job and focused his attention in a calming way. The psychologist pronounced him eminently healthy. This was the man's retreat from pressing responsibilities. (2)
You have to admire Jesus' commitment to maintaining balance in his life. The Savior took time to go apart. Many of us could learn from him. We, too, need a time apart. As someone has said, we need to go apart before we come apart. So here Jesus is on retreat. And this woman will not leave him alone. Maybe it was her timing.
OR MAYBE IT WAS HER ATTITUDE. This woman was no shrinking violet. Didn't her mother ever tell her that nice little girls don't insist on their own way? It's harder for a woman to be assertive in our society, isn't it? It's considered unfeminine. Besides, men resent it. Men are aggressive, women are pushy. This woman was pushy. Anyone - even Jesus - can be put off by someone coming on too strong.
A hotel in Budapest had tourists chuckling recently with the English translation which was used to inform the guests of elevator problems. The sign read: "The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable." (3)
Some people are unbearable. They put us off by their aggressive behavior. They will not be denied. Some of this is cultural. People in New York City are often labeled as having this kind of attitude. John Tierrey in the New York Times Magazine, tells his favorite joke on New Yorkers: Four people are walking down the street ” a Saudi Arabian, a Russian, a North Korean and a New Yorker. A reporter rushes up and says, "Excuse me, can I get your opinion of the meat shortage?" The Saudi Arabian says, "Shortage ” what's a shortage?" The Russian says, "Meat ” what's meat?" The North Korean says, "Opinion ” what's an opinion?" The New Yorker says, "Excuse me ” what's excuse me?" (4)
It's like the woman who said to her date: "Tell me, Bob, do you think I'm too aggressive? I want a straight answer, and I want it now."
Here Jesus is trying to get away from the crowds and this woman comes crying after him: "Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David; my daughter is possessed by a demon." Maybe this is why Jesus retreats into silence. His disciples aren't silent, though. "Send her away," they say to him, "for she is shouting out after us." Persistence is an admirable quality in a person, but can't this woman take a hint?
Jesus is tired. This is not a good time to bother him. Maybe it was her timing. Maybe it was her attitude.
PART OF IT WAS UNDOUBTEDLY HER RELIGION. Jesus was a very focused man. As we have noted before, Jesus set clear boundaries on his ministry. "I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel," he says to this persistent woman. Jesus knew he only had a limited time to serve in this world. It would not be wise to spread himself too thin. His ministry was to Jews not to Canaanites. It may seem cruel but sometimes choices have to be made. Jesus lived in a world of unlimited need and even he could not do everything. So he made the conscious decision to limit his ministry to Jews. And so he explains that he was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.
Explaining his mission was not sufficient for this woman, though. She still came and began to bow down before Him, saying, "Lord, help me!" And then Jesus said something that is not easy to swallow even to this day. He said, "It is not good to take the children's bread and throw it to the dogs." Ow! Jesus would not have passed Political Correctness 101 with that answer. Was Jesus really calling Canaanites dogs? It is one of the most bothersome texts in the New Testament. It is so out of character for Jesus that some scholars suggest this was a reflection not of Jesus' attitude but of some of those who wrote the New Testament. Remember these stories of Jesus were not written down until 40 to 100 years after Christ's death and resurrection. They were passed on by word of mouth until then. So, it would not be surprising if some of the prejudices of the time might have crept into the reporting.
The important thing is that even Jesus' curt answer does not deter this woman. She is as clever as she is persistent. She says, "Yes, Lord; but even the dogs feed on the crumbs which fall from their masters' table." Touche! Well put! This answer obviously touched Jesus for he says to her, "O woman, your faith is great; be it done for you as you wish."And her daughter was healed at once.
Regardless of the reasons why Jesus ignored her, there are some lessons that we can learn from this woman's experience that we can use whenever we need Christ's help.
THE FIRST IS, KEEP ASKING. In one of Billy Graham's books he tells about his inability to master the Chinese language. His wife Ruth was born in China and is comfortable with Chinese but Dr. Graham is not. He notes that the Chinese system of writing contains pictographs, characters that represent mental images. Graham says that he has been told that the Chinese word picture for perseverance is represented by a knife and a heart. How true that is in our personal experiences. What do you do when you feel ripped in half? How do you continue (persevere) with a knife in your heart? (5)
This woman had a knife in her heart and just because the disciples tried to get rid of her and even Jesus ignored her, she wasn't going to quit trying. And neither should we.
One of the most influential Christians who ever lived was a philosopher whom we know as St. Augustine. If you know Augustine's story, then you also know that for many years he ran from the faith, following after heretical groups like the Manichaeans, who twisted the truth of the Scriptures. What you may not know is that it was his mother's love and faith that brought him to the truth.
Augustine's mother, Monica, was a fervent believer who prayed constantly for her son's salvation. She devoted her whole life to praying for Augustine's conversion. At one point, when Augustine was becoming devoted to the Manichaean philosophy, Monica begged a holy man to speak to Augustine, and show him why their beliefs were not true. The holy man refused because Augustine was known to have a great intellect, and would likely try to savage the holy man's arguments. The holy man assured Monica that he, too, had once been a Manichaean, and that Augustine was too smart to deceive himself much longer. At this, Monica began to cry. The holy man sent her away, saying, "Go, go! Leave me alone. Live on as you are living. It is not possible that the son of such tears should be lost."
The holy man was right. After many years and a fierce inner struggle, Augustine was touched by a revelation in Scripture, and became a Christian. When Monica learned of her son's salvation, she remarked that she had nothing left to live for, for the greatest desire of her heart had been fulfilled. Nine days later, Monica died. And the son she had spent her life praying for, went on to affect the whole world. (6)
Monica never quit asking. "Live on as you are living," said the holy man. "It is not possible that the son of such tears should be lost." You are concerned about someone you love? Keep on asking God for help. Don't let your tears quench the flame of your faith in God. It may seem like God is ignoring you, but I assure you that is not the case. Don't give up. Keep asking. AND KEEP ON TRUSTING.
Keep trusting that the God who created this world loves each of us. We are God's own children. God does hear our prayers even when it seems all hope is gone. And, come what may, God will not let us down ” even if the worst thing possible befalls us.
A young pastor sat beside a hospital bed in which his wife lay. It was nearing the time for them to become parents. Soon this young couple would bask together in the glow of the announcement: "It's a boy." Later, however, they would begin a desperate search for some specialist who could help the child. They were unsuccessful - little Ronnie was born mentally impaired. The entrance of this father into the school of suffering taught him many things. Recalling that first grief-fraught summer, Ronald Meredith wrote, "Grief teaches lessons that joy can never know. We discovered that there is a comradeship in pain."
Unlike the Canaanite woman, Ronald Meredith did not see his son healed. But he has not quit trusting. He now looks forward to that great day when God's plan for us will be perfected. He believes that one day he will look at Ronnie and say, "Hi, Son," and for the first time Ronnie will respond, "Hi, Dad." They will need a lot of time to talk, for Ronnie has never been able to speak a word. (7)
The Canaanite woman saw Jesus heal her daughter immediately. It may be that Ron Meredith will have to wait until that day he and his son are united on that distant shore, beyond this world of limitations and adversity, when he will see his son fully healed ” but he has not quit trusting - and neither should we. Keep on asking. Keep on trusting.
Let's learn from this woman whose timing was wrong, whose attitude probably needed to be adjusted, who wasn't even of the right religion. But she sought Jesus out and would not be denied. She kept asking and trusting until Jesus acceded to her wishes: "O woman," Jesus said, "your faith is great; be it done for you as you wish."
1. THE TIMES, London. Cited in EXECUTIVE SPEECHWRITERS NEWSLETTER.
2. Cited in Tom Peters, THE PURSUIT OF WOW! (New York: Vintage Books, A Division of Random House, Inc., 1994).
3. THE OBSERVER, March 1993, p. 57.
4. September 24, 1995
5. Billy Graham, HOPE FOR THE TROUBLED HEART (Dallas: Word Publishing, 1991), pp. 113-144.
6. Ruth Bell Graham, PRODIGALS AND THOSE WHO LOVE THEM, (Colorado Springs, CO: Focus on the Family Publishing, 1991) p.7-10.
7. Ronald Meredith, HURRYIN' BIG FOR LITTLE REASONS (Nashville: Abingdon, 1964), pp. 90-92. Cited in Louis O. Caldwell, ANOTHER TASSEL IS MOVED (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Book House, 1990), p. 54.