When I was a teenager and fell in love with a girl, which occurred often, I never knew how to tell the girl how I felt about her. Being 17 and "in love" was terrifying. Often I was simply speechless. I never had the right words to describe the way I felt. But like every boy with a bad case of infatuation, I found a way. I guess you could call it my secret weapon. I found someone who could speak for me. He always had the right words, knew exactly how to say it, and never failed me. His name was Barry Manilow. With Barry on the turntable I could say everything I wanted to say and more.

Which always left me wondering how the Led Zeppelin and AC/DC fans ever communicated with girls. Perhaps some of you could tell me after the service.

Some of you are old enough that your secret weapon was Nat Ki…