It was at least twenty years ago when I visited the Hermitage for the first time. Of course, I’m referring to the beautiful home of Andrew Jackson near Nashville. I became fascinated with Jackson, the seventh President of the United States, who was such a pivotal figure in the early years of our state. His name is all over Tennessee.
As you know, Jackson was a brilliant, fearless, charismatic leader with a volatile temper. He formed deep friendships but also made bitter enemies. Jackson was not a very religious man for most of his life. But in his latter days, facing illness and the prospect of meeting his Master, he tried to put his spiritual house in order. A Presbyterian pastor, Dr. John Edgar, visited Jackson. The old General said that he wanted to take the vows of church membership. Dr. Edgar questioned him about his faith and Jackson nodded “yes” to his questions. Finally, Dr. Edgar said, “General, there is one more question I must ask. Can you forgive all your enemies?” Jackson was surprised by the question. For a moment he pondered it in silence. Finally he replied, “My political enemies I can freely forgive; but for those who abused me while I was serving my country in the field, Dr. Edgar, that is different.”
The pastor replied, “General, a Christian must forgive all persons if he hopes to receive the forgiveness of God. Without a general amnesty for all enemies, I cannot admit you to church membership.” The old General sighed. There was a considerable pause. Finally, Jackson said, “Alright, with God’s help, I forgive all who have abused me.” Dr. Edgar was satisfied. He left the room to inform Jackson’s daughter-in-law Sarah. A moment later she rushed into the room. There was a flood of tears as she embraced her father-in-law. On July 15, 1838, General Jackson took his vows of faith and joined the church. (1)
Forgiveness is at the very core of the Christian faith. We believe that God forgives our sins when we repent. He paid the penalty for our sin on the cross so that our forgiveness is possible. There is only one thing that can prevent our forgiveness; that is, our unwillingness to forgive another person. In the Lord’s Prayer we pray, “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” (Matt. 6:12) If we are unwilling to forgive even one other person, we cannot be forgiven. No part of Jesus’ teaching is clearer than that, and there are no exceptions. He didn’t say that we are to forgive other people only if their sins are not too bad. He didn’t say that we are to forgive only in the cases of extenuating circumstances. We are to forgive them all, however spiteful, however mean, however often the offense is repeated. If we don’t, we shall not be forgiven by God. (2)
So, you see, when we forgive other people, the benefits are not primarily theirs but ours. When we forgive, we not only access forgiveness from God but also we replace our resentment with the joy of the Lord. What a trade! TO FORGIVE IS TO SET A PRISONER FREE AND TO DISCOVER THAT THE PRISONER WAS YOU.
We are reminded of these lessons of forgiveness by considering the life of another great general, this one from biblical times. Like Andrew Jackson, King David was a great military leader and head of state. And like General Jackson, King David had his weaknesses.
David was not the first man in history to learn how painful it is to try to love more than one woman at the same time. David had numerous wives and concubines. His troubles began when he cast lustful eyes upon Bathsheba who was married to another man. David took her anyway and had her husband killed. The Bible says that whatever we sow, that also shall we reap. David’s harvest was especially painful.
David had lots of children by his various wives, but he was too busy with government, wives, and concubines to be a good father. One of his sons Amnon raped his half-sister, Tamar. Her brother Absalom retaliated by killing Amnon. Then Absalom fled to another country and lived there in exile.
David grieved for his eldest son Absalom. David’s army commander Joab knew that the King was grieving. He also knew that he could never talk the King into letting Absalom return from exile. So, in a shrewd move, he sent a wise woman to tell King David a made-up story.
The woman came ostensibly to have the King resolve a crisis in her family. According to her story, her two sons had gotten into a fight. One of them had killed the other. Now her relatives were demanding that the surviving son be executed because of his crime. The mother was appealing to the King to protect her from losing both sons.
King David granted her wish. But then the woman really put the screws on the King. She said, in effect, “What you agreed to do for my family, why won’t you do it for your own family? Let your son Absalom come back from exile. Forgive him.”
Immediately King David guessed that the woman had told him a made-up story and that Commander Joab was behind it. But David admitted that the woman had made a valid point. He gave Joab permission to bring Absalom back home. You could say that King David was “tricked into forgiveness.”
I doubt that there is a single person in this congregation who does not have at least one grudge against somebody tucked away in your heart. Why is it so hard for us to forgive? Why is holding a grudge so delicious? Is it because we can feel superior toward the offender? Do we use our grudges as ways to manipulate other people? Is a grudge a form of protection to keep the other person at a distance so he can’t hurt us again?
Here are some common excuses we give for not forgiving. FIRST, WHAT THAT OTHER PERSON SAID OR DID WAS ESPECIALLY BAD OR HURTFUL. Regardless of how bad it was, it doesn’t compare to our offenses against God, by thought, word, and deed. Yet he went to a cross in order to be able to forgive us.
A second excuse is this—THAT OTHER PERSON SHOULD APOLOGIZE FIRST. Then I would be willing to forgive. The only one who has a right to demand an apology first is God, because he is the only perfect one. We are not. Therefore, it is presumptuous of us to demand an apology before forgiving.
Another excuse sounds like this—I’LL WAIT UNTIL MY FEELINGS CHANGE. THEN I’LL FORGIVE. Don’t count on your heart mellowing with time. Anger that is deposited in the heart becomes toxic. It corrodes the spirit, and it drives out the Holy Spirit. That’s why St. Paul urged, “Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” (Eph. 4:26-27)
Still another excuse we use is—I HAVE ALREADY FORGIVEN HIM OR HER SEVERAL TIMES; WITH ME IT’S “THREE STRIKES AND YOU’RE OUT.”
That was Simon Peter’s attitude; indeed, he was even more generous. He was willing to forgive a brother seven times. He asked Jesus “Is that enough?” “No,” replied Jesus. “You must be willing to forgive seventy-seven times.” (Matt. 18:22) Jesus was saying that we should stop counting and just make forgiveness our way of life.
I wish I could tell you that David’s and Absalom’s story ended happily and harmoniously. But that was not the case. David extended “half-way forgiveness” to his son. He allowed him to return to Jerusalem but refused to see him. Two years went by. Finally Absalom insisted on an audience with his father. King David kissed him, but what a cold kiss it was! The King could not forgive fully. Therefore, Absalom became ever more resentful and rebellious. Finally he led an open rebellion against his father, attempting to replace him on the throne. Civil war broke out in the land. David’s army won the war. Absalom was killed. At the end of chapter 18 of Second Samuel, we find King David crying, “O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you—O Absalom, my son, my son.” (II Sam. 18:33)
Half-way forgiveness may be worse than no forgiveness at all. I have known instances when a husband or wife sinned against his or her spouse. Then later the sin was confessed with a repentant spirit. Forgiveness seemed to take place. But then later, whenever the two of them had a disagreement, that old sin would be resurrected and held over the offender’s head. How sad! It means that real forgiveness never occurred.
In 1960, the multi-millionaire Adolph Coors III of Denver was kidnapped and held for ransom. Seven months later, his body was found on a remote hillside—he had been shot to death. His son, Adolph IV, then fifteen years old, had lost his best friend. Many years passed. Young Ad Coors grew up, served in the Marine Corps, and became a responsible adult. In his heart he harbored hatred for the man who had murdered his father. Then in 1975, Ad became a Christian. He became part of a Grace Group. One of his new Christian friends, Dale Morris, asked him if he had forgiven the man who killed his father. Ad replied, “In my heart I have.” Dale pressed him, “But have you told that man to his face?” Dale agreed to go with Ad Coors to the Canon City Prison where the convicted murderer Joseph Corbett was incarcerated. The men arrived at the prison only to learn that the convict refused to see them. So Ad Coors left a Bible for Corbett and inscribed it as follows: “I’m here to see you today. I’m very disappointed that I can’t. As a Christian I have been commanded by our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ to ask for your forgiveness. I forgive you for the sins you have committed against our family, and I ask you to forgive me for the hatred I have had in my heart for you.”
Later, as Ad Coors was telling this story to a church group, he said, “Hatred is like a shotgun with a plugged barrel. Pretty soon it’s going to go off in your face. It hurts the hater more than the hated. Tonight I have a love for Joseph Corbett that only Jesus Christ could have put in my heart.” (3)
Is there a grudge or resentment or even hatred in your heart for anybody today? Bring it with you to Holy Communion, and leave it here. Our living Lord, Jesus Christ, will help you forgive. Your own forgiveness depends on it. The Lord wants to replace your resentment with his joy.
TO FORGIVE IS TO SET A PRISONER FREE AND TO DISCOVER THAT THE PRISONER WAS YOU! Now, that’s really good news!
(1) Remini, Robert V., The Life of Andrew Jackson, (Harper & Row: New York, pp. 340-341.
(2) Lewis, C.S., A Year with C.S. Lewis, edited by Patricia S. Klein, (Harper: San Francisco, 2003), p. 262.
(3) Colson, Charles, Who Speaks for God? (Crossway Books: Westchester, ILL, 1985), pp. 121-123.