How to Train Your Child to be a Delinquent
- When your kid is still an infant, give him everything he wants. This way he'll think the world owes him a living when he grows up.
- When he picks up swearing and off-color jokes, laugh at him, encourage him. As he grows up, he will pick up "cuter" phrases that will floor you.
- Never give him any spiritual training. Wait until he is twenty-one and let him decide for himself.
- Avoid using the word "wrong." It will give your child a guilt complex. You can condition him to believe later, when he is arrested for stealing a car, that society is against him and he is being persecuted.
- Pick up after him his books, shoes, and clothes. Do everything for him so he will be experienced in throwing all responsibility onto others.
- Let him read all printed matter he can get his hands on...[never think of monitoring his TV programs]. Sterilize the silverware, but let him feast his mind on garbage.
- Quarrel frequently in his presence. Then he won't be too surprised when his home is broken up later.
- Satisfy his every craving for food, drink, and comfort. Every sensual desire must be gratified; denial may lead to harmful frustrations.
- Give your child all the spending money he wants. Don't make him earn his own. Why should he have things as tough as you did?
- Take his side against neighbors, teachers, and policemen. They're all against him.
- When he gets into real trouble, make up excuses for yourself by saying, "I never could do anything with him; he's just a bad seed."
- Prepare for a life of grief.
Portland, OR: Multnomah Press, The Quest For Character, by Charles Swindoll