I read the story of a simple couple named John and Sandy, who were talking about their relationship. John said to Sandy, "You know, we've never had an argument. Maybe we ought to argue like other people." Sandy responded by asking, "But how do we start an argument?" "It's very simple," answered John. "I take a brick and say, ‘It is mine,' and then you say, ‘No, it's mine,' and then we have an argument." So the couple sat down and John took a brick and said, "This brick is mine." Sandy looked kindly at John and said, "Well, if it's yours, take it!" And so Sandy and John did not argue.

As long as we keep bricks in our hands and speak about things as "mine and thine," the small conflicts in life are certain to escalate into more major divisions, violence, and even war. It is not that all conflict in and of itself is evil. In Billy Graham's autobiography, Just as I Am, he's quoting his wife, Ruth Bell Graham, saying about marriage that "if two people agree on everything, one of them is unnecessary." Conflict may well be a part of the best of relationships, and has the potential to play a creative role, moving us to deeper levels of understanding and commitment in our most important relationships. But when we deal with conflict in unhealthy ways, when we lose our perspective, the conflict all too often spirals into destructive levels we never envisioned.