How many of you drive yourselves crazy every year trying to have a Martha Stewart's Christmas? You know who you are. And you know as hard as you try you're never able to achieve it. It always turns out to be an Erma Bombeck Christmas doesn't it?

I have a letter here that Martha Stewart sent to Erma Bombeck.

Hi Erma,

This perfectly delightful note is being sent on paper I made myself to tell you what I have been up to. Since it snowed last night, I got up early and made a sled with old barn wood and a glue gun. I hand painted it in gold leaf, got out my loom, and made a blanket in peaches and mauves. Then to make the sled complete, I made a white horse to pull it, from DNA molecules that I had just sitting around in my craft room.

By then, it was time to start making the place mats and …