Try flipping through the video void any day without landing in the numerical region inhabited by "reality" talk-show TV – Montel, Maury Povich, Sally-Jesse, Ricki Lake, and so on. Whether they had all synchronized their programming schedules or not, on this particular afternoon, every single one of them featured paternity suits. Has anyone here ever seen one of these?

There's one woman versus two or three sweating, nervous guys all waiting to find out – thanks to the wonders of DNA testing – who was the real dad. As they bickered and screamed, raged and (for some of the males) rejoiced, one could only pray that no one was planning at a later date to show this degenerate spectacle to the poor sleeping infants displayed prominently on each stage.

Can you imagine a more shabby, shameful beg…