Mark Twain once wrote about a fictitious sea captain named Stormfield. Stormfield receives a mighty surprise the day he marches into heaven. He is met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. "I beg pardon," Captain Stormfield says to St. Peter, "You mustn't mind my reminding you and seeming to meddle, but hain't you forgot something?"

St. Peter ponders for a moment and then shakes his head. "Forgot something? No, not that I know of."

Captain Stormfield is stunned. "Think," he says. St. Peter thinks for a moment and then replies, "No, I can't seem to have forgot anything."

During his life Captain Stormfield had sat through more than a thousand church services, many which were devoted to the advantages of heaven over earth. He is now dumbfounded. A truly good man arrives at the Pearly Gates a…