I have three different family portraits hanging in my home representing three different stages of my life and the life of my family. Most of us have at least one professional portrait hanging on the wall. They are very expensive and because of the cost in money and time, those portraits represent great expectations.
I remember every time we would have a family portrait made, I always went into it wanting everything to be literally picture perfect. You know the routine - matching outfits, hair in place, and a big Hollywood smile. We all had the same goal - when anyone sees that picture, we want them to see a picture, perfect family; a family that never fusses, never fights, smiles all the time, gives each other a lot of love. As we all know that picture on the wall does not always represent reality.
I hope that looks to you like a picture perfect family, but the truth is nobody was happy. There was World War III before we left our house. The guys hated their clothes. James even said we looked like we were swimming in an ocean of denim. Everybody wanted to wear something totally different. It even got to the point where I finally looked at the guys and said, "If you don't smile and look happy I am going to sentence you to five years of home schooling with your mother!"
Don't we all have great expectations for our family? We want the family that others see in that family portrait to be the family that lives together every day. When you get married, you have that picture perfect family in your mind - the husband, the wife, the two children, the dog and it is just all one big happy family all the time.
We also know the hard truth is our real family is not the one hanging on the wall. The real family is the one that lives in your home day in and day out. The real family does not always live up to the expectations of that family portrait.
I read a story about a little boy who attended a special worship service where they had a parent-child dedication. It was a very moving service, but on the way home from church the little boy started crying in the backseat of the car. The dad said, "Son, what's wrong?" The little boy said, "Daddy, the preacher said we ought to be reared in a good Christian home, but I'd rather stay with you guys!"
We all want a picture perfect family. We all want a picture perfect marriage. We all want picture perfect kids and that's our expectation. Conflict arises when the marriage or the kids or the parents don't meet our expectations.
Think about this.
Husbands - how many of you are working long hours, burning the midnight oil, trying to meet the expectations of providing a certain lifestyle your family expects?
Wives - are you at the end of your rope without a knot, trying to meet the expectations the rest of the family places on you to be the cook, housekeeper, soccer mom, etc.?
Parents - are you ever criticized and critiqued by your kids on why you are not better parents? Do they ever tell you that you expect too much out of them and they just can't be perfect?
Kids - do you feel like your parents expect too much? Do you talk back to them, mouth-off and disobey them out of a sheer lack of respect?
All we have to do is take a look at what has happened to the family over the last fifty years and know that the expectations of having one have been dashed and disappointed as we have seen a shocking breakdown of the family itself.
To be honest a lot of the research and statistical data looks pretty grim. Since 1960 the divorce rate in our country has doubled. Single parent households have tripled. Couples living out of wedlock have quadrupled and couples living out of wedlock are now in the majority. Domestic violence has quadrupled. We have the highest teenage pregnancy rate of any developed nation in the world.
Some of us today are in those statistics. Many of us today know the hurt, the headache and the heartache that comes when that perfect picture is broken. Some of us are sitting here saying, "We don't want it to ever happen again." The rest of us, who have not experienced a family breakup, want to make sure that it never happens to us. Hopefully, that is what this series is designed to do - to show you what a picture perfect family is in the eyes of God.
God has something to say both to the family as a whole and to each individual member of the family. Over the next five weeks, we are going to plant ourselves in a passage of scripture that is found in Colossians 3. It is amazing to me that of all the great issues that God has to deal with, whether it be heaven and hell, life and death, or good and evil, God has a lot to say to the family and we can learn what God thinks about the family. Listen to this passage of scripture. "Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord. Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart." (Colossians 3:18-21, NASB)
Now if you were expecting an encyclopedia of truth, you are going to be greatly disappointed. When we learn how God sees the family and what God wants from the family, quite frankly, to many of us it will be a great relief.
We all have many expectations for our family. We want our kids to make straight A's, marry good looking people and have beautiful children. We want our husbands and dads to be successful, admired, and above all - cool. We want our wives and mothers to be a good cook, keep a neat house, answer our every beck and call, and other than that stay out of the way. More times than not, family members simply don't live up to those expectations.
Here is the good news we are going to learn today. God only has one expectation for the family. His one expectation is this - God desires for the family to glorify Him by fulfilling the unique roles and responsibilities He has given to each member of the family. When everyone in the family understands what their role is in that family and what their responsibility is to that family and then fulfills that role and meets that responsibility, God is glorified and in His eyes it is a picture perfect family.
Let me emphasize that God understands that we are not always going to be "picture perfect". Just like an engine that doesn't always hit on all cylinders; neither will the family. There are times when a family remembers that it is all about God and His glory and they get it right, even when dealing with our mess ups and faults and God's glory shines through in a picture perfect way. As you think about this passage of scripture and as we begin this series, I want you to think about how God looks at your family and my family.
I. God Has A Passion For Your Family
You go all the way back to the first chapter of the first book of the Bible. All the way back in time to the beginning and you find that God is focused on the family. He is the one who created the first home. He is the one who performed the first marriage. He is the one who brought the first children into the world.
Here in Colossians God takes the time to speak to the different members of the family, because He is passionate about both the family as a whole and each individual member. Do you know why God created human beings to begin with? He wanted His own family. "God is the One who made all things, and all things are for His glory. He wanted to have many children share His glory." (Hebrews 2:10a, NCV)
God created this world with His family in mind. Every boy that grows into a man and every girl that grows into a woman, dreams of one day having their own family. God wants a family as well. He created you and me to be a part of His family. You could almost subtitle the Bible, "Focus on the Family", because really the Bible is the story of how God is building a family, even now, that will love Him and worship Him and one day even reign with Him forever. Ephesians 1:5 says, "His unchanging plan has always been to adopt us into His own family by bringing us to Himself through Jesus Christ. And this gave Him great pleasure." (Ephesians 1:5, NLT)
God passionately desires for your family to be as close to a picture perfect family as possible and that is why He put detailed instructions to each member of the family on the role they are to play and the responsibility they are to fulfill. He is so passionate that your family be all the family that it can be that He has given specific detailed instructions to the husbands, wives, children and parents on how they can each play their part in being a picture perfect family in His eyes. We learn as well....
II. God Has A Plan For Your Family
God's plan for the family has not changed since the first chapter of Genesis. You would not know that looking at how the family has changed here in America. You can just look at television over the last five decades and see how the family has changed. We have gone from:
- Father Knows Best, Andy Griffith and Leave It To Beaver (in the 50s and 60s) to
- The Brady Bunch and All In The Family (in the 70s) to
- Dallas and The Cosby Show (in the 80s) to
- Married with Children and The Simpsons (in the 90s) to
- Desperate Housewives and Everybody Loves Raymond (Today)
Honestly, it does seem like each family gets less picture perfect with each passing decade.
As you know there is today even a massive effort to redefine the family. There are those who are saying that two dads or two moms can be just as acceptable as one mom and one dad. God's plan has never changed. His idea has always been exactly what see in Colossians 3. Husband and wife, functioning as mom and dad with children growing up with both.
From a biblical perspective, it doesn't take a village to raise a child. It takes a family to raise a child and that is why every broke home is a tragedy. I want you to understand that there are many of you here today in broken homes through no fault of your own. There are single parents here today who did not choose to be a single parent and your family is every bit as special to God as a family that is intact, which is why God says in His word, "I'll be a husband to the widow and a Father to the orphan."
God's expectation for the family involves every member of that family seeking to glorify Him by fulfilling his or her God given role and responsibility. The wonderful thing is that can happen in any family whether it is lead by a single dad or a single mom or a blended family. The wonderful news is that every family is illegible for the blessing of God on their home if that family will follow God's instruction for their lives which leads to the last point…
III. God Has A Purpose For Your Family
It may sound arrogant for me to tell you that I know what God's purpose is for your family, but the reason why I can say that with one-hundred percent confidence is because God's purpose for the family is the same purpose He has for everything on this planet. What is that? "Everything comes from God alone. Everything lives by His power, and everything is for His glory." (Romans 11:36, LB)
God created the stars, the planets, the birds of the air, the fish of the sea, the animals in the wilderness and the jungle and you and me for one reason - for His glory.
The reason why God sent Jesus Christ to planet earth was to save us from the greatest sin of all which is failing to give God the glory He deserves with our lives. That is why the Bible says in Romans 3:23, "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." (Romans 3:23, NASB)
Rick Warren puts it best when he says it this way, "None of us have given God the full glory He deserves from our lives. This is the worst sin and the biggest mistake we can make. On the other hand, living for God's glory is the greatest achievement we can accomplish with our lives." (1)
If you want to know what your family is primarily meant to do, or if you want to know what you are primarily meant to do as a husband, or a wife, or mother, or a father, or a child, it is to bring glory to God. How do you do that? Here is what Jesus said, "I brought glory to you here on earth by doing everything you told Me to do." (John 17:4, NLT)
When husbands do what God tells them to do as husbands and wives do what God tells them to do as wives and children do what God tells them to do as children and parents do what God tells them to do as parents, God is glorified. It is in those magic moments that we get it right that we are a picture perfect family.
How well do you know the following people and organizations?
Jack Tinker & Partners
Doyle Dane Bernbach
BBDO
Foote, Cone & Belding
J. Walter Thompson
Did you get any of these right? Do you recognize any of them? If you didn't then I can assure you everyone on that list could not be happier. You see, advertising agencies don't exist to make a name for themselves, they exist to make a name for others. You may not know who these individuals and organizations were, but you may be familiar with their work. See if you recognize these slogans:
- "Plop, Plop, Fizz, Fizz - Oh What A Relief It Is" -
- Jack Tinker and Partners put that together for Alka-Seltzer in 1976.
- "We Try Harder" - Doyle Dain Bernbach created that slogan for Avis in 1962.
- "M'm! M'm! Good!" - That catchy Campbell Soup phrase has been used since 1935 thanks to BBDO.
- "When You Care Enough To Send The Very Best" - Hallmark began using that line in 1934 courtesy of Foote, Cone & Belding.
- We have all heard the jingle for this cereal - "Snap! Crackle! Pop!" Yeap, Rice Krispies, thanks to J. Walter Thompson. (2)
We can learn a great lesson from those companies. What they do for clients, we as individuals and we as a family are to do for God, always reflecting His glory, always promoting Him in every area of our family life. Can you imagine how our communities would be different? How our neighborhoods would be different? How our churches would be different if we understood the big picture? The big picture is all about giving glory to God by the way we live, by the way we love and by the way we treat each other.
1. Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life, p. 55
2. Add Slogan Unlimited, http://www.adslogans.com/UK/hof/hofindx1.html