The pastor of the Baptist Church had been trying for months to get little Johnny to come to church to be with his third grade Sunday school class. Finally, after talking to Little Johnny and his mother for what seemed to be the hundredth time, Johnny finally agreed to go this next Sunday. The pastor came by the house and picked him up and Johnny did seem to enjoy all of the proceedings except as the baptismal service began he ran out the back door and all the way home. His mother asked him why did he run home instead of riding with the pastor. Little Johnny answered, "It's all a racket. They get you there and let you make all those nice things, and tell you great stories just to get you relaxed, so they can drown you at the end of one of the services." (1)
Johnny's experience of going to church was not as positive as Jesus' visit to the Temple when he was twelve years of age. In fact the two stories bear little resemblance.
Jesus' parents were devout Jews. They went every year to Jerusalem at the feast of the Passover. But this year went a little differently from prior years. On the way home Jesus' parents realized that Jesus was not with them. This was not like their son, and so the worried parents headed back to Jerusalem. It took them three frantic days before they located him. He was in the temple, sitting among the learned men, listening and asking questions. "And all that heard him were amazed at his understanding and his answers."
And when Mary and Joseph saw Jesus, they were astonished. And Mary asked, "Son, why have you treated us like this? We have been worried sick." And Jesus said, "Why did you worry? Didn't you know that I must be in my Father's house?"
It's one of the best-known stories in the New Testament, and it reveals truths that will help any family. THE FIRST IS THAT NO FAMILY IS FREE FROM CONFLICT. Wherever there are people, there is conflict. Who can ever forget Winston Churchill's immortal words: "We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills." Comedy writer Robert Orben says that sounds exactly like their family vacation.
Danny Cox tells a wonderful story about his grandson Rex. Rex was in kindergarten when he caught a case of spring fever. It hadn't been too long before in his young life that he had the freedom to come and go with his mother as their schedules allowed. So he probably thought he had a good chance of convincing his mom to play hooky with him for a day. Living in Southern California, Rex was well aware of the many diversions that would make excellent alternatives to a day in the classroom. "Mom, it's too beautiful today to go to school. Can we go to the beach?" He asked.
"No, honey," his mom replied. "You have to go to school today."
Rex figured that the destination he had suggested wasn't enticing enough to gain his mother's compliance. "Then how about Disneyland? Think of the fun we could have there," the little salesman continued.
"No, Rex," his mother countered, "you have to go to school today."
"Why?" Rex asked. He was taking the argument to a new level.
His mother decided to appeal to her son's sympathies.
"Because," she said, "if you don't go to school, they could put me in jail."
He looked at her for about two seconds, put his hands on his hips, cocked his head to one side and asked, "For how long?" (2)
It is not unusual for children to view things differently than their parents. It is not unusual for husbands to view things differently than their wives. Conflict is part of living together. A family in which everyone agrees all the time is not a healthy family. Some of you lived in families in which everyone in the family lived in fear of Dad. No one dared to disagree with him. This is probably not as true any more as it used to be, but it still happens today. If discipline in a home is so severe that children never develop their individuality, then that home is abusive.
I don't get the idea that Jesus was an abused child, do you? Certainly Mary and Joseph had rules for him, just as every loving parent has rules for his or her child, but this story reflects that Jesus had learned a healthy sense of autonomy. Beside staying behind at the Temple without permission, Jesus was comfortable stating his own view of things: "Why did you worry? Didn't you know that I must be in my Father's house?"
SECONDLY, THIS STORY REMINDS US OF WHAT HOLDS FAMILIES TOGETHER MUTUAL RESPECT. Mary and Joseph were concerned that Jesus was not with them, but they did not panic, and there is no sign that they over-reacted with punishment. There was a mutual respect in this young family: Remember how Joseph respected Mary under the suspicious circumstance of her pregnancy. And look how they treated Jesus in this moment of disobedience. And notice how the story ends: Mary and Joseph did not understand what Jesus was saying, but he went home with them to Nazareth; and he was obedient to them, and Mary kept all these things in her heart. "And Jesus advanced in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men." This was not only a love-based family; it was also a respect-based family.
I know, children are a challenge. One comedian says that whenever he has a headache, he does follow the directions on a bottle of aspirin: Take two and keep away from children.
Someone made a list of how her priorities have changed since having children.
BEFORE Children: I was thankful to have been born the USA, the most powerful free democracy in the world. AFTER Children: I am thankful for Velcro tennis shoes. As well as saving valuable time, now I can hear the sound of my son taking off his shoes--which gives me three extra seconds to activate the safety locks on the back seat windows right before he hurls them out of the car and onto the freeway.
BEFORE Children: I was thankful for fresh, organic vegetables. AFTER Children: I am thankful for microwaveable macaroni and cheese--without which my children would be surviving on about three bites of cereal.
BEFORE Children: I was thankful for the opportunity to obtain a college education and have a higher quality of life than my ancestors. AFTER Children: I am thankful to finish a complete thought without being interrupted.
BEFORE Children: I was thankful for holistic medicine and natural herbs. AFTER Children: I am thankful for pediatric cough syrup guaranteed to "cause drowsiness" in young children.
BEFORE Children: I was thankful for the opportunity to vacation in exotic foreign countries so I could experience a different way of life in a new culture. AFTER Children: I am thankful to have time to make it all the way down the driveway to get the mail.
BEFORE Children: I was thankful for a warm, cozy home to share with my loved ones. AFTER Children: I am thankful for the lock on the bathroom door.
BEFORE Children: I was thankful for material objects like custom furniture, a nice car and trendy clothes. AFTER Children: I am thankful when the baby spits up and misses my good shoes.
BEFORE Children: I was thankful for my wonderful family. AFTER Children: I am thankful for my wonderful family. (3)
Children are a challenge. Nevertheless, there is a difference in the way children turn out when they live in a home where they feel loved and respected.
A research study of students chosen for WHO'S WHO AMONG AMERICAN HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS revealed some startling results. The students selected for this survey had at least a "B" average in school, were involved in school or community activities, and had demonstrated leadership. More than three thousand teens were polled.
The survey asked students whether they lived in happy or unhappy homes, and it also asked students about their behavior as teens. Among the findings: --Teens were nearly five times more likely to smoke if they came from unhappy homes. --Teens from unhappy homes were twice as likely to drink to the point of being drunk. --Two percent of teens from happy homes admitted to attempting suicide, while 18 percent from unhappy homes said they had tried to take their own lives. --Twenty percent of those from happy homes admitted to sexual activity, while 46 percent from unhappy homes had engaged in premarital sex. --Those from unhappy homes said they were more likely to have sex with a stranger than those from happy homes (44 percent compared to 30 percent).
The survey did not ask about a student's religious beliefs or affiliations, nor did it ask about the spiritual climate of their family. The students were mostly white and had attended public schools. More than half of them came from small towns or rural areas, from families with incomes between thirty thousand and seventy thousand dollars. Any person analyzing the data would likely conclude that these students were among the "cream" of American youth. Yet 78 percent of those surveyed said they had cheated in school, 19 percent said they drink alcoholic beverages at least monthly, and 17 percent admitted to having stolen something from a store in the previous five years. (4)
The researchers used the words "happy" and "unhappy." What is the secret of happiness in a home: isn't it where Mom and Dad and children and parents respect one another. How sad to be in a home where people are constantly bickering and belittling one another. Conflict in a home is natural; mutual respect keeps the home together.
FINALLY WE SEE WHAT ULTIMATELY MAKES FAMILIES SUCCESSFUL: A SHARED FAITH IN GOD. We perhaps miss this
lesson because we think of Jesus as uniquely God's own son. We need to remember, however, that Jesus truly emptied himself and became as we are when he entered the world. There is no evidence that Jesus had any awareness of his miraculous birth. He was a boy like any other boy. Yet he knew that God loved him. God was his father. Obviously Mary and Joseph had done their part to faithfully raise him in the synagogue.
I don't need to quote to you the statistics concerning children who have been raised in homes where both parents are active in the church. You've heard them before. But you need to know it is all a package. Loving one another, respecting one another, worshiping together as a family these things won't guarantee that a child will not go wrong, but they are the best formula for successful child-rearing that we have.
From a national survey of strong families conducted by the Human Development and Family Department at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, a profile of a strong family.
- Appreciation. "Family members gave one another compliments and sincere demonstrations of approval. They tried to make the others feel appreciated and good about themselves."
- Ability to Deal with Crises in a Positive Manner. "They were willing to take a bad situation, see something positive in it and focus on that."
- Time Together. "In all areas of their lives--meals, work, recreation--they structured their schedules to spend time together."
- High Degree of Commitment. "Families promoted each person's happiness and welfare, invested time and energy in each other and made family their number one priority."
- Good Communication Patterns. "These families spent time talking with each other. They also listened well, which shows respect."
- High Degree of Religious Orientation. "Not all belonged to an organized church, but they considered themselves highly religious." (5)
How does your family stack up. Being successful parents is not brain surgery. All it requires is love, commitment, respect and a family with God at its center.
1. Internet, 11/30/99. Contributed by Dr. John Bardsley.
2. Danny Cox and John Hoover, SEIZE THE DAY (Hawthorne, N.J.: Career Press, 1994).
3. E-zine: THE FUNNIES Mailto:andychaps_the-funnies-subscribe@egroups.com.
4. Gallup Poll. Cited in BUILDING STRONG FAMILIES: HOW YOUR FAMILY CAN WITHSTAND THE CHALLENGES OF TODAY'S CULTURE by Dr. William Mitchell and Michael A. Mitchell, Broadman & Holman Publishers, Nashville, 1997, p. 145.
5. From the Internet. Source unknown.