Frank kept the strangest of Christmas lists. He called it "My Refinement List." He first made one out when he was 45 years old. He worked at it faithfully for 29 years. He was 74 and a grandfather. In all that time it had remained a secret, but now his youngest grandchild, with the piece of paper clutched in hand, looked Frank dead in the eye, and said, "What's this?"

"A special Christmas list," answered Frank, a bit vaguely.

"Is it what you want?" asked the boy.

"It's not that kind of a list," answered Frank.

"Is it what you're going to give other people?" the boy asked, wishing he could read.

"Well, no, it's not that kind of a list either." Then groping for words to explain something he felt was important and wanted to pass on, Frank lifted the boy into his lap. "A few weeks before …