To encourage both the faithful and unfaithful to attend church this year, every Sunday will be a "No Excuse Sunday" and the following will be provided:

Cots will be placed in the vestibule for those who say, "Sunday is my only day to sleep."

Murine will be available for those with tired eyes from watching TV too late on Saturday night.

There will be steel helmets for those who say, "The roof would cave in if I ever came to church."

Blankets will be furnished for those who think the church is too cold, and fans for those who say it is too hot.

We will have hearing aids for those who say, "The minister speaks too softly" and cotton for those who say, "The preacher's too loud."

Score cards will be available for those who wish to list the hypocrites present.

Some relatives will be in attendance for those who like to go visiting on Sundays.

There will be TV dinners for those who can't go to church and cook dinner also.

One section of the church will be devoted to trees and grass for those who like to seek God in nature.

Finally, the church will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies for those who have never seen it without them.