Have you ever been in a dilemma and had difficulty making a decision about something or someone? The best advice I’ve gotten is to take out a sheet of paper and create two columns. Make a list on the right side of your paper of all of the positive qualities or perspectives about the decision or the person in question, and then on the left side, make a list of all the negatives. The list helps you to see your options more objectively. It helps you see your relationships more truthfully. It provides you some distance from the muddle you’re in, especially when the heart may be involved.

Lists can also be helpful when you are thinking about the kinds of qualities you would like to see in a partner or in a friend. Often you would make a list of the qualities you’d like someone to exhibit in th…