An interesting article appeared awhile back in the Clinton SC Chronicle titled “When The Editor Left Town.” It said: “Mr. Jim Galeway and Miss Georgianne Bentlow were married Monday at the home of the bride’s parents. Mr. and Mrs. Alex Bentlow, the Rev. A.A. Deckett officiating. The groom is a popular young bum who hasn’t done a lick of work since he got expelled his junior year in college. He manages to dress well and keeps a supply of spending money because his dad is a soft-hearted old fool who takes up his bad checks instead of letting him go to jail where he belongs. The bride is a skinny, fast little idiot who has been kidded by every boy in town since she was 12 years old. She sucks cigarettes and drinks mean corn liquor when she is out joy-riding in her dad’s car at night. She doesn’t know how to cook, sew or keep house. The house was newly plastered for the wedding and the exterior newly painted, thus appropriately carrying out the decorative scheme, for the groom was newly plastered and the bride freshly painted. The groom wore a rented dinner suit over athletic underwear of imitation silk, and his pants were held up by pale green suspenders. His number 9 patent leather shoes matched his state in tightness and harmonized nicely with the axle grease polish of his hair. P.S. This is probably the last issue of this paper, but my life ambition has been to write up one wedding and tell the truth. Now that it’s done, death can have no sting.” (Quoted by Ross W. Marrs, in The Clergy Journal, January, 1980, p.22)

That silly article sets the stage for some very serious words in Mark’s Gospel on the subject of marriage and divorce. Maybe people would not get divorced for such silly reasons if they did not get married for such silly reasons. How odd it is that folks spend much more time and effort and money getting prepared for a 15-minute ceremony than they do for a marriage which is supposed to last forty, fifty, or sixty years! Which brings us to the difficult words of Jesus in Mark 10.

NOTE: THE SITUATION AND BACKGROUND OF JESUS’ WORDS. What Jesus has to say in Mark 10 is uttered against the background of an ongoing rabbinical debate about divorce. The debate centered on the interpretation of Deuteronomy 24. It was the law of Christ’s people, that a man who found “some indecency” in his wife was permitted to divorce her if he would provide her with a legal document indicating that she was free to marry someone else if someone else wished to marry her. Note: “the man.” Divorce for the woman was practically impossible. The fact that it is mentioned at all in this passage reflects the fact that Mark was written against the background of Roman, as well as Jewish, Law. Jewish Law at the time made divorce almost impossible for a woman.

Deuteronomy said that a man could put away his wife if he found “some indecency” in her. Now, there were two schools of thought about what constituted a sufficient “indecency.” One school, that of Rabbi Shammai, said that only adultery was cause for divorce. Another school, that of Rabbi Hillel, said it could include being a nag, being unattractive, or not being able to cook! What most folks miss when they read this passage is the fact that in His reply, Jesus was showing Himself to be a champion of women’s rights! He looked on them not as chattels owned by their husbands, but as human begins made also in the image of God. This ran counter to the customs of His time, against the prevalence of the idea of male domination which runs through Hebrew thought and practice, and which is still all too prevalent in the Middle East and in other parts of the world, even today.

But Jesus gave the world a new conception of women as persons equal with men in the sight of God. In fact, Jesus may well have been the first great “feminist” of history; for He freely accepted them as disciples (no other rabbi of His time would be caught dead doing so) and he championed them against unjust and cruel laws which made them victims of their husband’s whims. And we must never forget that under the Mosaic code the penalty for adultery was not divorce, but death! It was a sexist standard, and it was into this debate that the Pharisees wanted to lure Jesus...and trap Him. They knew that whichever side He came down on, he was bound to alienate the folks on the other side. King Herod had divorced his wife and married another, and perhaps they could nail Jesus for treason if He criticized the king. On the the other hand, if He set Himself above the Law of Moses, He could be accused of blasphemy.

And they had Him trapped - they thought. But Jesus knew what they are about, and quickly shifted the argument away from divorce and toward marriage. The Pharisees were taking divorce seriously, but Jesus asks them instead to take marriage seriously. The Pharisees are focusing on minute, technical parts of the law...but Jesus wants them to focus instead on God’s original intent in the marriage relationship. When Christ was asked about divorce he referred to the law of Moses, which he clearly did not like. “What God has joined together,” said He, “man should not break apart.” But it seems that He recognized the necessity for it because of what he called the “hardness” of people’s hearts.

When we speak of a Christian position on divorce, then, we must recognize this: there are people who, under certain circumstances, simply must be permitted to divorce. I do not believe that Jesus would insist that people stay together in a situation of pain and suffering no matter what. We must never forget that our Lord had immense sympathy for anyone who was suffering. When He dealt with people, it was never on the basis of Law, but of Love. He ate and drank with sinners, saved an adulteress from being stoned; even forgave the soldiers who crucified Him. And when He met the infamous woman at the well, a woman who had had five husbands and who was currently living with a man not her husband, He did not treat her with contempt. There are marriages where God seems clearly not to have joined the two people together. How they got there, God only knows, but divorce is sometimes the lesser of two evils (or the greater of two goods.)

I am glad to be part of a church which does not consider divorce an unpardonable sin. But we don’t think it’s such a great thing that everyone ought to dash out and get one, either! Divorce can be hell, and often is. But marriages can be hell, also. Jesus knew that people suffer in divorce. Men suffer, women suffer, children suffer. It may be no accident that Mark, immediately after he records Jesus’ sayings about divorce, has Him calling the little children to Him, and putting His arms around them. I see Jesus as reaching out to put His arms around the whole human race and condition. I do not see Jesus as joining the mob who were so eager to throw stones. Do you? It seems that Jesus regarded divorce as a necessity at times, brought about by humanity’s fallen condition. It is not an unpardonable sin, for there is but one “unpardonable sin” and that is the refusal to seek pardon.

II. YOU SEE, WE MAKE A MISTAKE IN MAKING WHAT JESUS SAID A DEMAND, WHEN IT IS A PROMISE.

We ask: “What does the Bible say about divorce?” Or, “What does Jesus say?” The reply is that it all depends on which Gospel you consult, and what your attitude is toward the Bible itself. If you think that the Bible is like a fortune-cookie to be cracked open anywhere, and its words taken out of context regardless of what was said before, after, or elsewhere, then it is simple. No divorce. Period. Unless you want to go to Matthew’s Gospel, written a few years later, which (scholars believe) reflects a growing uneasiness with the early church’s attempts to make Jesus’ sayings into an absolute law. Parenthetically, it has always seemed strange to me why churches have made Jesus’ words on this one issue absolute, and not others. Why, for instance, are people not kicked out of churches, or denied the sacraments, for unloving attitudes, for gossiping, for not feeding the hungry, housing the homeless, loving their enemies? How come all of the “absolutes” have to do with sex, and none of them have to do with war? Jesus had just as much to say about these things and, as far as I know, no church has ever kicked anybody out who disobeyed Jesus’ teachings on these matters. If you know anything at all about the New Testament, you know that the pattern of Jesus is not to punish, condemn, or rebuke people who are already hurting. That’s simply not His way. To them He offers instead insight, help, healing, and forgiveness. So why should He change and automatically cast away anyone who commits the supposedly unpardonable sin of divorce? No, instead of doing that, I think Jesus would say something like what He said in Matthew 11:28-30. (Go and read it.)

III. “THE TWO ‘SHALL BECOME’ ONE,” SAID JESUS.

Note the tense. Future. It refers to an uncompleted act for the future. Something yet to be done. In the marriage ceremony, the minister does not ask the couple, “Do you love one another?” We assume that they’ve got something going or they wouldn’t be there. No, the question is “Will you love?” Marriage is the glue that holds you together on the days when you don’t like each other much. We become one; we are not automatically one. Oneness is something toward which we strive. It takes work. You can’t just sit back and wait for it to drop into your lap. You must work at it. Television personality Willard Scott said, “A good marriage is like an incredible retirement fund. You put everything you have into it during your productive life, and over the years it turns from silver to gold to platinum.” That’s why a long marriage has always seemed to be such a good idea to the Church. Divorce is like putting your money in an investment fund and then cashing it in just before it begins to gain interest. Note Scott’s words: “you put everything you have into it.” Not everybody does. For instance: classified ad appeared in the newspapers sometime back: “For sale: One 52-year old husband. Never remembers anniversaries, birthdays, or special days. Seldom holds hands, hugs, kisses, or says, ‘I love you.’ Rarely is kind and tender. Will sell cheap - two cents. Call 555-0366. Will dicker.” Not much of self put into that marriage. No wonder the wife wants to get rid of the husband. Cheap.

Marriage is a 60-60 proposition. Each must go more than half-way. Dr. Paul Popenoe, the famous marriage counselor, was talking to a young husband who had been openly critical of his wife. Dr. Popenoe was explaining how two become one in marriage. In a smart reply the husband said, “Yes, but which one?” The counselor said, “A little of each.” Then he went on to explain that in marriage you have to develop “we-psychology”...and to think of yourself in terms of a pair rather than as an individual. What happens when two become one in a real marriage? Some think that it reduces your individuality. Too often one party or the other seems to be saying: “Alright - we two shall become one...and I AM the one!” Obviously, such a marriage is headed for trouble. Ideally, when “two become one” it means that each one is doubled, but not duplicated. You still retain your individual identity, but you add to yourself the identity of the other, and the whole becomes greater than the sum of its parts. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” (Mark 10:7) A wise person once said: “A marriage consists of one master, one mistress, and two slaves; making, in total, one.” That may be strange arithmetic, but it is good theology.

It is only through the help of the Holy Spirit that any marriage can make it. At that first Pentecost, many different people, speaking many different tongues, suddenly discovered that they could communicate with one another. (Read Acts 2) That was a miracle, wasn’t it? I was once asked whether I would officiate at an inter-racial wedding. I replied, half in jest, “My dear, EVERY wedding is an inter-racial wedding!” It is! it is almost as if we came from two different planets! Two very different human beings come together, and we ask God to perform a miracle. Jesus went to the wedding at Cana in Galilee and changed water into wine. We invite Him to our weddings to perform a greater miracle: to transform two into one! You see, marriage is a triangular affair with God at the apex. During the ceremony we speak of a “covenant.” A covenant is something into which one enters with God. It is more than a contract. It acknowledges that God is the source of our human love, and that it is only as our human love is rooted and grounded in God’s love for us that it is continually renewed and replenished day by day week by week, year after year.

In 1986 they discovered a boat from the first century in the mud along the shore of the Sea of Galilee during a drought. Immediately word spread of this fantastic discovery...the first 2000 year old boat every found in the Sea of Galilee. Newspapers dubbed it “the Jesus boat,” but it is not known for sure whether or not Jesus may have used it. Still, it did ply the waters of the Galilee during Jesus’ day. The problem was how to get the boat out of the mud and into a museum without having it fall apart at the seams. The wood was terribly brittle and had to be kept in water to keep from cracking. To shore it up with beams on the outside would break the brittle hull. How to float it? Somebody got the idea of filling it with polyurethane foam which was sprayed into the boat and around the boat, so it looked like an overgrown, melted marshmallow. Thus filled, the boat rose and floated at lake level. For the first time in two millennia, the boat “sailed” again to the cheers of an onlooking crowd. (BIBLICAL ARCHAEOLOGY REVIEW, Sept/Oct. 1988,. Vol XIV, No. 5) There is symbolism here.

A columnist in a western newspaper some years ago compared a marriage with the building of a New England town meeting house. This particular town voted to build a new town hall. They decided to build it out of the materials in the old town hall. But they also decided to go right on meeting in the old town hall while the new one was being built! (Carl Michalson, FAITH FOR PERSONAL CRISES, New York: Chas Scribner’s Sons, 1958 p. 136) A nice trick if you can do it! Michalson says that is emphatically NOT what happens in a good marriage. In a good marriage, something NEW is added: the grace and presence of God. That grace is not something thrown up from the outside, like a buttress holding together walls unable to stand by themselves. It is more like glue from within, providing the conditions of personal responsibility by which two persons adhere to each other in willing faithfulness and loyal love. And the two do become one, by the grace of God. And that’s the only way it can be done. By the grace of God.