[For this sermon, you will need aprons. Invite the matriarchs and patriarchs of your church to let you use their well-used aprons as props. Or better yet, conduct a fashion show of the aprons used by people in your church.]

Unless you have lived in a rural area, you might not know the joys of keeping that most unruly, unpredictable, but absolutely crucial-to-life “pet” known as . . . a septic tank.

There are some unbendable rules for septic tanks.

1) They will always back up the day your daughter’s wedding reception is being held in your back yard.

2) They will overflow and need to be re-dug immediately after you’ve just completed re-landscaping.

3) The septic tank alarm always goes off between 1-5 a.m.

4) Your neighbor’s septic tank alarm goes off when they have gone on vacation.

B…