Jesus experienced family ties and good-byes. So do we.

According to Mark 3:20-35, Jesus was about to be confronted by his frustrated and conflicted family as crowds gathered around him to hear his stories, behold his miracles, and observe with great interest the conflicts he had with religious leaders from Jerusalem. Conflict. But there were also good, tender, and beautiful joys in Jesus' family. Look at the tenderness at the time of his birth.

Good-byes and ties. All families have stress, as well as happiness, times of anger as well as times of joy, times of agony and times of ecstasy, times of good-bye as well as times when ties bind us together in bonds that seem unbreakable. We can all identify with both the ties and good-byes in Jesus' story, though the reasons for our joys and stresses may be quite different than those in his life.

Our family joys often include good times when we are children -- vacations, play times with parents, special birthdays, and holidays. When marriage comes, it is often accompanied by smiles, tears of joy, blessings, affirmations, and congratulations. Family joys often include a baby being born. Babies usually bring big, broad smiles, a sense of mystery and wonder beyond words at the birth process and a sense of fulfillment. The baby's skin is so soft, we want to continually touch it. Cuddling, holding, and kissing the bundle of joy is a wonderful part of parenting. It feels right and good to protect a defenseless newborn. We want to care for this little miracle and plan for his or her future. Bonds and ties are formed in families of all kinds, colors, and cultures.

Yet, not everything that happens to us as children is good. In some cases, tragically bad things happen to us as we grow up in families. All marriages are not made in heaven. Some heavy tensions often accompany a man and woman saying, "I do." In other words, there are some things about any person we marry about which we might want to say, "I don't" instead of "I do." What about work schedules at home and in the workplace? What about tensions related to how to spend or save money? What about budgets, car payments, or when and how often to visit relatives? What about adjusting to differing expectations about sex from your marriage partner? The joys and fulfillment of love expressed for a new marriage partner abound, but stress waits at every corner of marriage relationships.

The birth of a baby is not without its problems, adjustments, and conflicts. Who gets how much attention from whom? Who doesn't get exhausted with the overload of the new work (as well as the old) that needs to be done? Who changes the diapers? What about new financial responsibilities on top of the old ones? These are just a few of the potential areas of stress and conflict.

As the child grows, problems pile up and multiply. The ecstasy of the birth often gives way to agony and drudgery. Needs and demands of the child are compounded when the child insists on being the center of family life. And those teen years can be a challenge, even in the best of families.

How about the agony and ecstasy of the relationships between brothers and sisters? Often brothers and/or sisters have great relationships but sometimes they are far from great. Sometimes sibling rivalry becomes sibling aggression, even sibling bullying. Misunderstandings are frequently recorded in the mind of siblings and remembered and played over and over again in the windmill of our minds until they break forth in angry words at strange, inopportune, and unguarded moments. We wish we could take those bitter words back, but they can't be retrieved. They are out there, ready to sting us back at some moment when we least expect them. Some siblings have an abundance of wonderful bonds of love, some have less. Some have few. Some, none.

Hurts can multiply because of what and how something is said. Misunderstandings can and do abound in every family. Occasionally misunderstandings are resolved, sometimes they are just tolerated, ready to raise their ugly heads when least expected. Frequently hurts just simmer, ready to pounce like a beast. Resentments can multiply like a communicable disease. And when someone dies, look out! Both the best and worst in families are revealed. Permanent good-byes are sometimes spoken.

The reasons for resentments in Jesus' family are different from those in our families, but they are there, as we see in our text.

According to the NRSV of the New Testament, our story begins with these poignant words: "Then he went home." The NIV translates the Greek original: "Then Jesus entered a house." The Phillips paraphrase simply says: "He went indoors." The context in all three translations clearly shows that it was family time as well as ministry time when Jesus came to the territory where he grew up and worked as a carpenter.

After his miraculous birth in Bethlehem, Jesus was circumcised in Jerusalem and taken by his family to Egypt until King Herod died. Then the family returned to Galilee, where they believed there would be less danger than in the city of Jerusalem. Whether Jesus went to the home where he was raised and worked, to a neighbor's house in Nazareth, or just into a house in the area of his hometown is incidental to our story. The point Mark's gospel makes is that Jesus was somewhere near where family and longtime friends lived and trouble was about to burst forth.

After a sojourn into Egypt to avoid trouble, conflict, and possible death, Joseph and Mary had settled in the territory of Galilee, in the town of Nazareth. Except for the one incident when Jesus was twelve and went to Jerusalem with his family for Passover, we know nothing about him until he was thirty years old and announced that he was called by God to leave home and declare the good news of God. In addition, Jesus declared kingdom of God people, who did God's will, to be his new family.

Conflict was not new to Jesus. Since sons usually followed the vocation of their fathers, it is likely that Jesus was a carpenter in Joseph's shop and as the oldest son took over the carpentry business when his father died. Then Jesus announced that he was going off to be an itinerant preacher. It isn't going overboard to suppose that one of the family member said, "And who is going to take care the family business when you are off preaching?" Nor would it be beyond reason to guess that some member of the family raised this question, "Just who is going to take care of us?" or "Aren't you being irresponsible by running off this way? Who's going to take care of your mother if you don't?" "What kind of son are you?" "Don't you care?" Conflict arose.

When Jesus said, "good-bye," to his family and friends in Nazareth, at best there must have been a lot of confusion. At worst, a fuse called bitterness was lit in the hearts of family members and neighbors which gave rise to resentment, criticism, and eventually an explosive decision to "take charge of him (Jesus) because they said, 'He is out of his mind' " (Mark 3:21). Trouble was brewing. Conflict.

At the moment Jesus returned to his home territory, his family came to seize him and try to get him out of danger from the religious and secular powers who were objecting to Jesus' words and deeds. Jesus' family was concerned about what Jesus was doing and what people were saying about him. Some were saying that Jesus was a miracle man. Others were saying he was a dangerous enemy. Some family members were thinking, "Jesus has gone way overboard. He's acting in crazy ways. Maybe he'll come to his senses and come home with us and settle down to a normal life as the head of Joseph's family and business."

The initial thoughts of the family members who came to take charge of Jesus were multiplied many times over when Jesus refused to see them, saying, "... My mother, my brothers and my sisters want to see me? My family members are really those who do God's will" (my paraphrase of Mark 3:34-35). In other words, "My new family is called 'kingdom of God people,' " those who do God's will.

The gospel of Matthew (10:36) reports Jesus saying, "A man's enemies will be members of his own household." Mark shows the truth of this saying in Jesus' own family. He reports the challenging and seemingly harsh words of Jesus that his real family is not those to whom he is physically linked, but those with whom he is spiritually bound, those who do God's will.

According to Luke's gospel, the mother of Jesus was acutely aware that this moment was coming. Mary had heard the prediction of Simeon, the old man in the temple at Jesus' circumcision, that "this child is destined for the falling and rising of many in Israel and to be a sign that will be spoken against, so that the thoughts of many hearers will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your own soul too." At this moment when Jesus refused to see his own family and spoke of family in such different terms than they had ever heard, Mary must have felt the prick of that sword beginning to stab her. It was a harsh and hurtful good-bye time.

Jesus' brothers and sisters must have felt the tip of the sword beginning to pierce their hearts too. They must have thought Jesus had become an uncontrollable religious fanatic, a family embarrassment, a scandal that must somehow be handled. The Barclay translation of Mark 3:21 is "he has taken leave of his senses." The NRSV simply says, "He has gone out of his mind."

His family could see that Jesus was headed for serious trouble. Why didn't he see it? He was taking unnecessary and dangerous risks. Why would he do that? His family thought there was only one explanation. Jesus was somehow just not himself. He must be saved from self-destruction. No sensible and sane man would have opposed the powers of the Orthodox religious leaders of the day. Jesus opposed them. He was having a head-on collision with them. His family went to the house where Jesus was teaching, seeking to stop the disaster which was about to go from bad to worse. No one could take on the scribes, Pharisees, and other religious leaders of the day and survive the confrontation. Jesus took them on. He must be saved from destroying himself.

The family must have felt that Jesus had thrown away his former friendships in Nazareth. They must have felt that Jesus was respected in that community and now he had made other friends of suspicious fishermen, a reformed tax-collector, and a fanatical political zealot, among other shady characters. That worried the family. That conflicted them.

The family must have felt that Jesus had thrown away security. He had had a job and an income. He had had some material goods and respect in his hometown of Nazareth. He could have settled down, gotten married, and raised a family. Instead, he launched out on a journey to disaster. Someone had to save him while there was still time.

The family must have thought that Jesus had thrown away safety. Jesus launched out into ministry that was so risky that it would surely get him hurt or maybe killed. Jesus was choosing a path of certain failure. Someone had to rescue him.

The family had to have been sure that Jesus had thrown away common sense. He was indifferent to the reputation he was getting. He didn't seem to care what people were saying about him. Crowds came in great numbers to hear him but the religious leaders opposed him and they said so. He appeared to be a fanatic who had "gone off the deep end." The family concluded that he must be saved from himself. "He must be out of his mind," they said. Someone had to take care of him. It appeared he couldn't take care of himself.

Then it got worse.

The family's worst fears were realized when Jesus refused to see them. Someone told Jesus that his mother and brothers and sisters were present and wanted to see him. He answered the inquiry with a question: "Who are my mother and my brothers and my sisters?" Then Jesus answered his own question. "Whoever does God's will is my brother and sister and mother" (Mark 3:35).

Challenging words. Words of conflict. Words of determination. Words of division. Words of "good-bye."

He had just said, "If a house is divided against himself, it can't stand" (Mark 3:25). Now, he seemed to be dividing his own house, saying "good-bye" to his physical family in favor of a new spiritual family of those who followed God's will.

Jesus was saying that real kinship is not primarily a matter of flesh and blood but the ties that come from a common desire to follow the will of God. Real kinship comes from a common goal with people in God's faith family, whether or not they are blood relatives. Real kinship is not anti-physical family, just above-and-beyond-physical family. Real kinship is in the family of believers, the kingdom of God people.

As far as we know, Jesus' family didn't get to see him that day. That's the bad news. But the good news is that later, after Jesus was crucified and resurrected, his brother James became head of the church in Jerusalem and at a critical time Luke mentions an amazing turnaround that took place after Jesus ascended into heaven. Along with other true disciples, Mary, the mother of Jesus, and Jesus' brothers, joined in the upper room for prayer (Acts 1:12-14). Faith in the risen and ascended Jesus Christ, the Lord and Savior of all, became the ultimate tie that bound Jesus' physical family, and all believers, to God as well as to one another in the family of God.