One of the great things about preaching on sex is that I don’t have to work very hard getting your attention! I was in Leesburg this past week doing work for the Board of Ordained Ministry. A colleague asked me what I was preaching about today. I said, “Sex.” He replied, “Are you for or against it?” I said, “I am very much for it! I enjoy sex a lot!”
You may be surprised to hear me say that, but it needs to be said from the pulpit. Why? Because over the years the church has done a pretty terrible job teaching a healthy understanding of sex.
I remember the first time I heard about sex in the church. I was a kid in a junior high Sunday school class and we had an older teacher who liked visual aids. He held up a lighter and flicked it and said sexual desire was like the flame. Then he held up a piece of paper and said, “This is what happens to your soul when you entertain your sexual desires,” and he lit the piece of paper and let it burn into ashes. That was it! No discussion. No dialogue. No time for questions. Nothing. I remember rolling my eyes as I walked out of the classroom thinking, “What does this old guy know about sex and lust? Give me a break!”
I am sure many of you can relate. When you hear the words lust or sexual desire you may think of a nun getting ready to hit you with a ruler or a preacher talking about the flames of hell!
The truth is none of us would be sitting here if it weren’t for our sexual desires! If we didn’t have a drive to reproduce it would be the end of the human race!
We need to remember that sex is God’s idea. It is not Britney Spears’ idea or Madonna’s idea. It is not the culture’s idea or the tabloid’s idea. It is God’s idea. God created sex. Incidentally, if God created something better he probably kept it for himself!
In Genesis 2 it says, “A man is united to his wife and they become one flesh.” God created sex to be a fun and profound activity within marriage to ignite love and intimacy. Genesis also says that God saw’s Adam and Eve’s intimacy as something wonderful and good. Take a look: “Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” It wasn’t shameful dirty, lewd, gross, but good. Beautiful! The church has not always done a great job emphasizing the joy and beauty of sex. God wants married couples to enjoy the gift of sex to the fullest. Sex is supposed to be fun!
But like every beautiful thing God has created, sex can be perverted and become unhealthy. I want to address that elephant in the room today.
Some of you may be thinking, “What is the big deal? Don’t we have bigger fish to fry in the world? People are killing each other. Christians can’t seem to get along with each other, and here we are getting hung up on sexual issues.”
Some of you may feel that Christians in general need to lighten up about the whole issue of sex and lust. After all, it is 2017, not 1955. As long as people are careful, what they do with their bodies is up to them, right?
That is the pervasive view of culture today. And maybe it makes sense to you. Maybe you are a teenager dating someone, and it is so hard to control your urges, and you really don’t understand what the big deal is. As long as you are careful, what’s the problem?
Maybe you’re a guy who likes to look at internet pornography, and you think, “Well, I’m not hurting anybody and all my friends do it too.”
Maybe you have a granddaughter or grandson who is living with someone, and you are somewhat disappointed, but you feel the world is different now. Values have changed and you think you better get used to it.
Maybe you are married and you are thinking about having an affair because you don’t feel all of your sexual needs are being met. You think that is a good enough reason to break your marriage vows.
Maybe you are here today and you would not consider yourself a Christian, but you have always wondered why Christians seem to be so uptight about sex. What is the big deal?
Well, before you give your own verdict on sexual activity, I ask you to consider another perspective. I believe there is a lot more at stake when it comes to sex than most people realize. What’s at stake is the health of your relationships, the health of your marriage, your emotional, spiritual and sexual well being, and your inner peace. If any of these things matter to you, I ask you to keep listening.
Sex is a beautiful gift from God, but it is unhealthy and often destructive when it doesn’t have boundaries.
Sex is like having a fire in your fire place. It is wonderful and delightful, but you don’t want that fire to spread outside the fireplace. If that fire spreads into the rest of your home, you have a dangerous and potentially tragic situation. You see, God thought sex was so important, so powerful, so profound, so mysterious, that it needed to have boundaries around it.
I would like to lift up a passage of scripture that will help shed some light of on this issue of sex. It may help you see sexuality in a different way. The text is 1st Thessalonians 4:3-8. Paul is addressing a church on how to live a life pleasing to God.
Let’s begin by taking a look a verse 3: “For this is the will of God…” Wow! Boom! Here it is. Paul does not waste any time. He just dives right in. Those of you who are always wondering what the will of God is for you – here it is! Wait for it! “Your sanctification.”
Okay, what is that? It means your wholeness, your growth in God’s love. It means becoming a whole human being by the power of God’s love. God’s will is for you to be well adjusted emotionally, spiritually, sexually, and mentally.
So what is the first thing Paul tells us not to do if we want to be healthy and whole human beings? “That you abstain from fornication.” That’s an old fashion word! It sounds like it came out of a tent revival. What is fornication? Fornication is any sexual activity outside the bounds of marriage.
So the Bible says that any sexual activity that is not within the bounds of marriage is unhealthy and not what God desires for us. Now why is that? Maybe you think that is so old fashioned and unrealistic. You don’t understand why it is such a big deal. Well, consider these reasons:
- In extra-marital sex we are not seeking to bond and become one flesh with the other person. We have yet to commit ourselves to the bonds of marriage, and yet we are still joining ourselves with another person at the deepest level.
- There is the possibility of emotional harm and pain. When the relationship ends, we literally divorce the person emotionally and spiritually. Sex is not just a physical act. There is nothing “casual” about sex. This is why sexual abuse is so destructive.
- Sexually Transmitted Diseases. According to American Social Health Association there are 15 million new cases of STD’s each year. And 1 in 4 sexually active teens will contract an STD, which will cause some teens their lives! But don’t think this is only a young person’s issue. It has been reported that “The Villages,” a retirement community, has the largest percentage of STD’s in the state of Florida!
- Growing in a sexual relationship is something learned over time with one person in the context of marriage, not with many partners. Relationships involving premarital sex are often just about the sex. Two people have bonded without making any promises. (source: Adam Hamilton, “Making Love Last a Lifetime”)
When you engage in premarital or extramarital sex you are connecting with someone at the deepest level without the commitment of love and marriage. You are not seeking to become one flesh with the person. It is just about fulfilling your own desires.
Sex is unhealthy when it exploits another person.
Take a look at what our text says next:
“That each of you know how to control your own body in holiness and honor, not with lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God.”
Okay, here is a concept! God gave us the ability to control our urges. God did not create us to be dominated by our hormones. So here we find a definition of lust. If sex as God created it is holy and honorable, then lust is sexual desire that is misdirected and uncontrolled. You see, it is not about the desire. God gave us the desire. It is about directing our desire for sex in the wrong way. What is the wrong way? Take a look:
“That no one wrong or exploit a brother or sister in this matter.”
And there it is! Here we find the word that encapsulates lust – that defines misdirected sexual desire – “exploit.” Exploit means to use for your own selfish purposes – to take advantage of. Exploit means to see a human being as an object or thing instead of a person made by God. In the context of sex, lust is the desire to exploit someone for your own sexual desires.
One of the most pervasive examples of sexual exploitation is internet pornography. When someone looks at pornography they do not desire a meaningful, intimate, loving relationship with the person they are looking at. They do not see the person as a human being created by God. They do not desire to express their love to the person. They are using the people they watch as objects to fulfill your own desires instead of seeing them a children of God.
Another problem with pornography is that it takes love out of sex, and God never intended for love and sex to be separated. Sex is holy and was never meant to be exploited. To exploit sexuality is like taking someone’s soul from his or her body and parading it around in a cheap way. Respect is removed – love is removed – true joy is removed – connection is removed – holiness is removed. It is not whole anymore; it is broken. Hence, why we say it unwholesome!
Another issue with pornography is that it gives an unrealistic picture of sex and creates an appetite of lust than can never be satisfied. This leads many to become addicted to it. Viewing pornography creates a chemical and physiological response in your body that leaves you craving more. This chemical craving can increase your arousal threshold which often causes sexual dysfunction.
So if you think pornography is harmless, think again. If you are looking at it you are playing with fire. As a pastor I have counseled countless people whose lives have been severely damaged because of internet pornography.
I often think how it breaks the heart of God to see how this world has perverted his gift of sexuality. In fact, Paul conveys how emotions of God about the issue in this same chapter of 1st Thessalonians:
“The Lord is an avenger in all these things, just as we have already told you beforehand and solemnly warned you.”
In other words, if you really want to tick God off, exploit human beings for your own selfish purposes. If you really want to upset God, treat others as objects instead of human beings created by him.
I think God is pretty upset that about this statistic. The International Labor Organization estimates that there are 20.9 million victims of human trafficking globally.
68% of them are trapped in forced labor.
26% of them are children.
55% are women and girls.
The International Labor Organization estimates that forced labor and human trafficking is a $150 billion industry worldwide.
Do you think misdirected sexual desire is a problem in this world? It destroys millions of lives and breaks God’s heart.
Paul gives us a wonderful reminder in 1st Corinthians 6:19-20, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, which you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you were bought with a price; therefore glorify God in your body.”
You see, our bodies do not belong to us; they belong to God. When we act out in lust, we dishonor God and his love which lives inside us. We are to glorify God with our bodies.
So maybe you are thinking, “Okay, I get it. But how am I to keep from having lustful thoughts? I can’t turn off my brain!” Well, Martin Luther gave the best advice about this. He said, “You can’t control birds from flying over your head, but you can control whether or not you will build a nest for them on your head!”
How do you apply this lesson to your life? How do you prevent lust from dominating your life? Well, if you are a teenager and you want to honor God and live life the way God intended, you will make the choice to wait until marriage. You may need to ask your parents to hold you accountable and not put yourself in situations where you will be tempted.
If you are single, you will make the decision to wait until marriage. You will tell everyone you are dating what your values are upfront.
If you are struggling with pornography and you want to honor God, stop it now, clean up your computer, and put a software system in to protect you. Then find someone to hold you accountable. Find a counselor too. Pornography can become addictive and destroy intimacy in a marriage.
If you are being unfaithful to your spouse, you will cease the affair and seek reconciliation with God and your spouse.
Masturbation
This is a tricky subject because there are various viewpoints and opinions on it. The Bible does not directly address the subject of masturbation. Jesus never mentioned it.
Over the years the church has condemned masturbation which has led many people to view their bodies as dirty or shameful. This condemnation has also caused people to be ashamed of their sexual desires. They grow up believing sex is dirty and don’t enjoy a healthy sex life as adults. It also leads some to experience sexual dysfunction. They guilt they feel is debilitating.
Masturbation can become an addiction or an obsessive act so it must be kept in check. Also, thoughts and images (pornography) associated with masturbation must be kept in check as well. However, I believe masturbation in moderation can be a healthy way to satisfy sexual urges and desires. God created our bodies and I believe he understands that.
Bottom Line
So what is the bottom line of today’s message? Sex outside the bounds of marriage can be terribly destructive. Growing in a sexual relationship is something learned over time with one person in the context of marriage, not with many partners. Sex is a holy mystery designed by God as a profound expression of love and affection. Lust is the opposite. Lust is the enemy to love and intimacy.
I have seen too many people wounded because they did not understand or respect the spiritual power of sex. I have known teenagers whose youth was cut short because of pregnancy. I have known ministers, executives, doctors and lawyers who have ruined their marriages, careers and reputations over internet pornography. I have known too many marriages and families destroyed because of infidelity.
There is nothing casual about sex. Our culture would have us believe that sex is like shaking hands. This is a myth. God never intended for sex to be casual. When we don’t respect it, we can damage our lives and the lives of those we love.
Beginning Again
What if you are someone who has already damaged your life because of unhealthy sexual activity? Well Jesus says in Revelation 21:5 that he makes all things new. There is nothing you have done that is outside God’s love, forgiveness and redemption. Jesus understands temptation. He was a human being and faced temptation throughout his life. Jesus understands your struggles but his power and love can help you overcome and make all things new. None of us are perfect. We all sin and make mistakes. But the good news is that God’s grace covers all our weaknesses and gives us the strength to make wise decisions and live healthy lives. God’s love makes us whole.
Christ came to set us free from the things that enslave us and dominate our lives. Today, you can begin new. Receive God’s gift of forgiveness and walk in newness of life. You can begin again by the power, love and grace of God.
When sex is enjoyed as God intended it is one of the most fun and profound experiences in life. Imagine if more people respected God’s gift of sex. Imagine the marriages that would be saved. Imagine the decline in teenage pregnancy. Imagine the decline in STD’s. Imagine the careers and reputations saved. Imagine how many people would be spared from great heartache, pain and disappointment. Imagine the joy, peace, and love that would abound in so many relationships and families.