Object: a newspaper

Good morning, boys and girls. Do your moms and dads ever read the newspaper? They probably read it to find out certain things, like what our government is doing each day, and what the weather is going to be like tomorrow, and what's going on around town. That's the ordinary stuff that's in a newspaper. But what if they read some really weird stuff in the newspaper, like ALL THE SCHOOLS IN TOWN ARE CLOSED, AND YOU NEVER HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL AGAIN? Or, YOU HAVE JUST WON …