I have always liked this story — and not for the WHOLE story, just that one memorable line: “Can anything good come out of Nazareth? (John 1:46)” That is just the kind of snide comment that makes me smirk. And, to be quite honest, it is one of the things that I like about our scripture — it is honest. Over and over and over again, the pages of our holy writ are littered with snide comments, unfaithful friends, ugly confrontations and some of the most unsavory “saints” that anyone could ever imagine. But God uses them. And that gives me hope because if God can use all of that hot mess, God can use even a fool like me. Hallelujah!

To Philip’s credit, he does not take offense at his friend’s remark. He ignores it and invites him “Come and see.” So Nathanael did, and the rest, as they say, is history. Good for him — and good for Philip too. He had found something good and he wanted to share. That’s what friends are for. Right?

Is that how you came to faith? A faithful Mom or Dad? A caring Sunday school teacher or youth leader? A friend? That is the way most of us were introduced to Jesus.

I need all the friends I can get! You do too. Everyone does. An old Italian proverb asks, “Have you fifty friends? It is not enough. Have you one enemy? It is too many.” Socrates once said, “All people have their different objects of ambition — horses, dogs, money, honor, as the case may be, but for my part I would rather have a good friend than all these put together.”[1]

Unfortunately, we are such a mobile society that we rarely make close friends, and those we do make in many cases are now far away from us. We have acquaintances galore — golf buddies, bridge partners, folks we slap on the back at Rotary or Kiwanis. Those are all well and good. But real friends? Ones we can laugh with, cry with, share the deepest of feelings? No. In fact, a national business magazine has suggested, “Friendship Can Ruin Your Business.”[2] The author of the article argued that executives should keep a sharp watch over social patterns in the office — excessive friendliness would impair efficiency. He went on to say that “precautionary watchfulness will prevent an up-and-coming manager from carrying around his neck a millstone of personal commitments, loyalties and friendships.” Friendship a burden? Please.

According to a survey by the Yankelovich organization sometime back, 70% of Americans recognize that, while they have many acquaintances, they have few close friends, and they say that is a serious void in their lives. How about you? Would you like to have more and better friends, friends like Philip who would invite you to come and see? Consider the issue with me for a few minutes.

First, if you want real friends, you have to care about people. Jesus said, “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” The love he meant was not a warm, fuzzy feeling, but a consistent interest in the other person’s welfare along with a desire to do whatever is necessary to see that his or her wellbeing is maintained. That is the biblical understanding of love. Not romance, but an unfailing interest and care. It is basic to any worthwhile relationship.

In my files, I have an old Miss Manners’ column from the newspaper. She was responding to a letter from a grandmother who was concerned that people were intimidated by her or thought she was conceited or a know-it-all. Grandma then proceeded to describe how she had plenty of money, grew award-winning roses, was currently working on a novel and two master’s degrees, is “interested” in everything, noted that she was proud of her accomplishments and wanted to let everyone know about them. Miss Manners responded, “Dear, dear. I can see your problem,” and then went on to let this lady know that if she really were interested in everything, she might think of being interested in other people and their accomplishments — she wrote, “they will be twice as impressed if they find out accidentally what you have done.”[3] Good advice. As that wonderful old rhyme has it,

I went out to find a friend,
 But could not find one there;
I went out to be a friend,
And friends were everywhere.

Part of that care, that love, for other people is a willingness to put yourself out, to sacrifice. Christ made it clear when he said, “No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

Something within us has always responded to the old Greek legend of Damon and Pythias: Damon condemned to death and Pythias offering to stand as a guarantee for him while his friend returned home to put his affairs in order; Damon’s ship delayed and Pythias praying for unfavorable winds that he might be allowed to die in his friend’s place; Damon arriving at the last minute and the two friends arguing as to which should be privileged to die for the other. That is true friendship — a willingness to spend oneself for the other ungrudgingly and without counting the cost.[4]

To be sure, we are rarely called on to die for our friends (thank goodness), but the message is clear: real friendship involves a willingness to go the extra mile when necessary (and even when not necessary). Being a real friend is work. It takes time. Sometimes it is painful. As has been said, “Some people make enemies instead of friends because it is less trouble” (E. C. McKenzie). Too bad. They do not know what they are missing.

Another key to having friends is a willingness to communicate. That is why Jesus made the distinction between servants and friends. To be sure, being a servant of the Lord is a high honor — the Bible calls some of the greatest people in history by that title: Abraham, Moses, Joshua, Paul. But perhaps Jesus was thinking of the practice in oriental courts where a select group of intimates were known as “friends of the king” or “friends of the emperor.” In ancient days, these friends had special access to the sovereign at all times, even the right come into the royal apartments at the beginning of the day. The king talked with them before he talked with his generals, his legislators, his statesmen. He confided to them the deepest purposes of his heart and heard their advice. Others were servants; these were friends.[5] There was special communication between them.

Real communication is not easy though. It involves a willingness to open up even if the revelations about ourselves might not be so pleasant. My roommate and traveling companion while I was working on my doctorate some years ago, Clark Wiser, once told me that he had gone into his young son’s room for bedtime prayers. But instead of welcoming his dad as he normally did, Andrew turned his head to the wall and began praying in an inaudible mumble. Clark asked, “Andrew, what’s the matter?”

“Nothing.”

“Well, something is the matter. Why don’t you want me to hear your prayers? You can tell me.”

“No, I can’t. Tonight I can only tell them to the Lord — he won’t get mad with me.”

A highly respected marriage and family therapist mentioned an experience one couple had in their counseling sessions. The husband broke down and said, “You know what it is? All these years I’ve been scared to death that someday she’ll break through my shell and realize what an idiot I really am.” Friends allow each other to be the idiots we really are.[6] Someone has defined a friend as a person who knows us and likes us anyway.

Another key to developing friendships is a willingness to cooperate. That is why Jesus said, “You are my friends if you do what I command you (love each other).” He went on to say that, as a friend, he will respond to our requests: “I chose you and I appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask him in my name.” (John 15:14, 16) The message here is that friends play on the same team, use the same strategies, aim for the same goal. They are not at cross-purposes with each other. Some have read these words, “Whatever you ask in my name, the Father will give it,” and figured that Christians are being offered a blank check. But then they find that their prayers are not always answered the way they had anticipated. That cooperation of purpose is the reason.

I will never forget being with my daughter Erin hearing her prayers one night many years ago. Her kindergarten class had been learning about the destruction of the rainforest (she is old enough to have her own kindergartners now). Her prayer that night was “Dear God, those people who are cutting down all the trees in the rainforest? Please kill them.” From a five-year-old that might be expected, but there are some adult prayers that are equally off the wall simply because they are at cross purposes with what the Lord, in divine wisdom, knows to be best. Real friendship starts with caring; it is willing to sacrifice; it communicates; it cooperates. It is intriguing that Jesus starts this little instruction with the command to love each other, then, within a few sentences, He ends with “I am giving you these commands so that you may love one another.” For all that people might do to analyze friendship, the Lord’s word is that it starts and ends with simple caring. One of the fundamental and irrefutable facts of human nature is this: none of us is an island. We desperately need the strength and security which comes from having friends who care about us and who are willing to let us care about them. As the writer of Ecclesiastes has it, “Two are better than one... if they fall, one will lift up the other; but woe to one who is alone and does not have another to help” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10).

The good news of the gospel is that every one of us has at least one abiding friend, Jesus Christ. “You are my friends if you do what I command you... not servants... friends.” Earthly companions come and go, but this one remains for all eternity. You see, at heart, a Christian is nothing more than someone who has accepted the friendship of Jesus.

It has been truly said that Jesus could go into any factory or farm, into any office or classroom, and his presence would not make people uncomfortable. In fact, his next visit would be eagerly looked for. Why? Because in his presence men and women felt their inner, better selves revived within them. Jesus lifted their hearts. He saw all their dormant possibilities, and he made the people see their true potential. What is more, he made them desire, with a deep and passionate longing, that those possibilities should become real and his dreams for them come true; he made folks believe they could come true, and that life could be full and warm and beautiful.

The friendship of Jesus. How can we get it? There are no conditions to it other than the faith that such a wonderful thing is possible. Where do we find it? Some would try to say, “Anywhere. Just look around.” But the reality is that RIGHT HERE is where we find it — in the fellowship of Christians. That is why the Bible calls the church “the Body of Christ.” For all the church’s faults, this is still the place for people to come to find the friendship of Jesus.

Once I heard of a Sunday school teacher who had a little lad in her class who had no right hand. She was exceedingly sensitive about any activities that she would schedule for the youngsters so as not to make this one uncomfortable. After a few months of having him in the class, she began to notice his handicap less and less and take him simply as part of the group. One day in an effort to illustrate what the church was all about, she tried to demonstrate and have the youngsters mimic that little gesture that we all learned when we were growing up. She put her hands together — this is the church, this is the steeple, open the doors and here are all... Then she realized. She was aghast at her faux pas until she saw the little girl who was sitting next to the boy extend her right hand over toward his left hand and say, “Here, we can do it together.”

That sounds like something Jesus would do. That is the kind of friendship that the Lord’s church is about. That is the friendship that, empowered by the love of Christ, we offer to each other. That is the friendship that is offered to all the world. That is the friendship that is offered to you and me.

Philip was a wonderful friend to Nathanael. “We have found him about whom Moses in the law and also the prophets wrote, Jesus son of Joseph from Nazareth.”

Nathanael said to him, “Can anything good come out of Nazareth?”

Philip said to him, “Come and see.” And that invitation, that friendship, changed his life.

Amen.

1. Socrates, Quoted in Leonard Griffith, The Eternal Legacy from an Upper Room, (New York: Harper & Row, 1963), p. 137.

2. Quoted by C. Thomas Hilton, “Known By Our Friends,” The Clergy Journal, April, 1992, p. 14.

3. Judith Martin, “Energetic Grandma Needs to Change Focus,” Fort Myers News-Press, March 15, 1990.

4. Leonard Griffith, The Eternal Legacy,. 141-142.

5. Griffith, The Eternal Legacy, 138.

6. Tom Hilton, “Known by Our Friends,” p. 16.