Respect - if the coach doesn't have it, he loses control of the team. If the officer doesn't have it, he loses control of his troops. If the teacher doesn't have it, he loses control of the class. If the home doesn't have it, then the entire family is in trouble.

We are in the middle of a series entitled, "Picture Perfect" and we have said over and over, "God desires for your family to reflect His glory." The way the family does that is by each member of the family fulfilling their God given roles and responsibilities. We have looked at the big picture of the family as a whole. We have talked about the husbands, but today, will undoubtedly be the most difficult message in this series for several reasons:
- I am not a wife and never have been. I am a husband and a parent and I have been a child, but never a wife.
-I have to use the dreaded "S" word in this message and that word is submit. Colossians 3:18 says, "You wives must submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord." (Colossians 3:18, NLT)

The reason why it is so vital for the wife to fulfill this responsibility is our key take away for the day. Key Take Away: "The wife who willingly submits to her husband's leadership glorifies God." I know that is not a popular thing to say today and certainly not politically correct, but I want to ask every woman here, whether you are married or single to just hear me out.

I am well aware that no one in the family labors under higher expectations than the wife does. First of all, we've got many women, here today, who expect far too much of themselves. You are very frustrated, because you can't accomplish every day what you think you need to accomplish. After all, you are a mom, a wife, a soccer-taxi, church volunteer, money manager, neighborhood volunteer, house cleaner, and cook. If that is not enough of a full-time job, some of you have a full time job besides all of that.

What about the expectations that husbands have for wives? I am going to let every husband here in on something that if you have been married over one day you already know and that is your wife is a finely-tuned, meticulously calibrated machine that needs to be handled with great care. This is illustrated by something I recently came across on the internet called, "A Bad Upgrade." Listen to this -

Dear Technical Support,
Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Fishing Weekend 10.3, Bowling Bash 2.5, Hunting Trips 6.4 no longer run crashing the system whenever selected.

Here is my problem. I cannot seem to purge Wife 1.0 from my system. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0, but un-install does not work on this program. Can you help me?

Sincerely,
Jonathan Powell

This was the response to Mr. Powell...

Dear Mr. Powell,
This is a very common problem men complain about, but it is most due to a primary misconception. Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "Utilities" and "Entertainment" program.

Wife 1.0 is an Operating System and designed by its creator to run everything. It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program from the system once it is installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 1.0, because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0, but end up with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under warnings - alimony/child support.

I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest that you read the entire system regarding General Protection Faults (GPFs). Caution: You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur.

The best course of action will be to push apologize button, then reset button as soon as lock-up occurs. System will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all GPFs.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but is very high maintenance.

Best regards,
Tech Support

How many of you wives sitting here today entered into your marriage with a set of expectations that have never been met? For example, you thought you were marrying Prince Charming, but you wound up with Shrek. You thought you were marrying a knight in shining armor and he won't even wash the car. Perhaps you thought your husband would care about everything that happened to you as soon as he walked in the door at night and couldn't wait to hear everything about your day. Perhaps, you thought your husband would be the emotional support that you always needed or he would provide that dream home and that comfortable life-style you always looked for, then you got the idea that you could change your husband, so he could fit your desires for his life.

Like everyone else, the family that lives in your home sometimes doesn't even come close to the Picture Perfect family that is hanging on your wall. The question is, "What role is the wife to play in allowing God to bring that family into more of a Picture Perfect position?

I've got some great news for every wife and every potential wife out there. This message is not going to add more pressure on you; it is going to take a lot of pressure off of you. We are going to see that God only has one expectation that you as a wife need to worry about and that one expectation is that you glorify Him by fulfilling your God given role. The better news is you have basically one primary responsibility and that is to respect your husband by submitting to his leadership. I want you to remember this: How you look at your husband will determine how you live with your husband. Respecting your husband and submitting to his leadership begins with how you look at him.

Do you look at your husband in his God given position as the leader of your family, as someone that you will respect and follow regardless in spite of his faults? Do you look at your husband and say you will only respect him and follow him when you think he deserves it or when he meets certain conditions?

God doesn't mince words. God expects respect. God expects the wife to glorify Him by respecting her husband. She does that by submitting to his leadership. There are two simple ways that wives are to do this -

I. Wives Are To Enable Their Husbands Leadership

"Wives, be subject to your husbands." (Colossians 3:18, NASB) The word there for "be subject to" or "submit" literally means to "place under" or "to subject oneself under the authority of someone else."

I know already there are a lot of women here whose blood pressure just shot through the roof. The hair on your neck is standing up, booth fist are clenched and your teeth are grinding to dust, because I used that dreaded "S" word. Please hear me out.

Contrary to what many would say, this is not a social issue. It is not a philosophical issue. It is not an intellectual issue. It is a spiritual issue. You can't have it both ways. You can't say that you believe the husband ought to love his wife, nor can you say that you believe a child ought to obey his parents if you are not also willing to buy into God's expectation that the wife submit to the husband.

God has so designed the family that every member of that family has a role to play and a responsibility to fulfill. When each member of the family fills that role and fulfills that responsibility according to God's plan in those magic moments, you have a Picture Perfect family that reflects the glory of God.

God's instruction to the family is so simple it is incredible.

Husbands – love
Wives – respect
Parents – train
Children - obey

That is not brain surgery and it is not rocket science.

Let me anticipate some of the objections that are out there right now. In no way, shape, form, or fashion does this state or even infer that the woman is inferior to the man. Just because someone is under the authority of someone else does not imply that person is in any way inferior.

Listen to what the Apostle Paul wrote in I Corinthians 11:3. "But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ." (I Corinthians 11:3, NASB)

Anyone who knows biblical theology knows that God the Son is in no way inferior to God the Father. The Bible makes it very plain that God the Son is both co-equal and co-eternal with God the Father. Over and over in the Word of God we read that Jesus willingly submitted Himself to the authority of His heavenly father. The reason why you and I have a chance of going to heaven is because in the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus looked at His heavenly father and though He did not want to go to the cross said, "Nevertheless, not what I will, but Your will be done."

Furthermore, let me emphasize to the husbands that this is not something that you are to force on your wife. You can neither force, nor coerce, your wife to be submissive to you and you shouldn't even try. In fact, the Greek syntax of this verb, submit, literally says, "submit yourself." There is a big difference between obedience and submission. Children have to obey their parents and should be disciplined if they don't. On the other hand, wives should not and cannot be forced to submit to their husbands and shouldn't be disciplined if they refuse.

I also want to make it plain that this submission is not absolute. No wife should ever submit to their husband if that husband asks that wife to do something that is either unethical, ungodly, or unchristian. There was couple in a church I pastored, many years ago in another state that I thought had a perfect marriage. I was shocked when they got a divorce, but I found out the reason why. The husband had gotten into pornography and began to demand that his wife publicly begin to dress (in essence) like a prostitute and also began to demand that she do very vile and unnatural things. She refused to do it and rightly so.

I want you to know that I am assuming that is not the case with the husband. The point is that if the husband is to fulfill his role as the leader of the home, the wife must enable his leadership by voluntarily submitting to it.

As a matter of fact, if you are a single young lady here today and you've never been married or if you are a divorced woman and you are even thinking about one day being remarried, let me give you the biggest question you had better ask yourself before you marry any man - "Am I willing to submit to the spiritual leadership of this man?" As a matter of fact, it is not a bad idea for any woman to ask herself before she gets married this question - "Why do I want to marry this man?" It reminds me of a man who was getting the cold-shoulder from his wife for a few weeks and finally he confronted her and said, "Linda admit it. The only reason you married me is because my grandfather left me ten million dollars." She said, "Don't be ridiculous. I don't care who left it to you."

I know some of you are sitting there thinking that you have just played right into my husbands hands, because all I hear about from him is that I ought to submit. If I submit to my husband, I will just be giving him what he wants. If you don't hear anything else in this message, I want you to hear this, because otherwise this message won't make any sense at all and you aren't going to buy anything I say. Your submission is not about what he wants it is about what God wants. When you give your husband the respect that God wants you to give him, by submitting to his leadership, you bring glory to God and God promises he will bless your submission.

John Maxwell was right when he said, "If you want to know whether or not you are leading, just look behind you and see if someone is following. If nobody is following, you are just taking a walk." The only way a husband can truly lead and be the husband he ought to be is if the wife will enable his leadership by voluntarily respecting him enough to submit to it. If it is in your best interest and the family's best interest to do so, then the other thing I have to say follows logically...

II. Wives Are To Encourage Their Husband's Leadership

Paul adds one other thing to this verse that, quite frankly, makes the whole point kind of a slam-dunk. "As is fitting in the Lord." (Colossians 3:18, NASB)

That word "fitting" literally means "what is proper" or "what is right." Ladies, if you want to know how to maximize your relationship with your husband, if you want to know how to put yourself in the best position to always bring glory to God as the wife God wants you to be, then here is the key question you should always answer in any situation you face with your husband.

Key Question: What Is The Respectful Thing To Do?

Do you notice that you are to respect your husband, not because of what he does or how he performs or how he acts, but because of who God is and what God says.

That means you are to follow his leadership even when you don't always see eye-to-eye. You are to follow his leadership even when you don't see the situation turning out like you think it should. You should follow his leadership even when you are convinced another course would be better. You should follow his leadership even if he has made mistakes in the past.

Do you know why you should do that? Your respect for your husband and your submission to him is not based on his personality or his performance; it is based on his position. There is a saying in the military, "You salute the uniform, not the person in the uniform."

If you are single and you are dating, there is no such thing as submission. No boyfriend has any authority over any girlfriend. Before you say, "I do" you can say, "I won't," anytime you want to, but after the marriage, something changes. Do you know what changes? His personality didn't change. I can assure you his performance is probably not going to change, but what does change is his position. He is now not just your date or your boyfriend, he is your God-given husband.

You see this in everyday life. Citizens submit to policemen, because of their position. Employees submit to their employers, because of their position. Children obey their parents, because of their position. Wives respect their husbands, because of their position.

Wives, I want you to think about this - if you refuse to follow God's Word and you don't respect your husband, by submitting to his leadership, you will not only have problems with God and your husband, you will have problems with your own children. If you teach your children by example to rebel against authority, do you know what they are going to do? They are going to rebel against authority. God knows what He is doing. When the husband loves his wife, the way he ought to love his wife, he shows children how to treat people who are under their authority. When the wife submits to the husband, she shows the children how to respond to people who are over them in authority. You will never teach your children two greater lessons in life than these two lessons - how to be over and how to be under.

That is why it is so important to encourage your husband's leadership and confidence when times are tough at work, to build up his self-image whenever you get an opportunity, to affirm him when you see him doing something right, to brag on him in front of others, to let other people know how much you do look up to him and how much you do respect him and how glad you are that you are married to him.

As a pastor, there are a lot of people that you are (in some ways) always trying to gain affirmation from them. You obviously want affirmation from the people that you pastor and the people that you preach to, you want affirmation from the staff that you serve with, you want affirmation from your peers and from other pastors of other churches. I will tell you without any reserve, whatsoever, I want affirmation from Teresa more than I want it from anyone else. If Teresa loves me and Teresa respects me and Teresa is proud of me, I can handle anyone else and anything else.

Let me just give you some suggestions of something either you can do today or sometime this week for your husband.

• Take an opportunity either verbally or by written note to tell him how much you appreciate all that he does do for you as a husband.
• Take an opportunity, in front of his friends, to commend him and brag on him and to affirm him as a man.
• Make it a point to always be supportive of your husband and his decisions in front of your children.
• Go out of your way, this week, to do something extraordinarily kind for your husband.

I read recently where someone said, "You show me a man who comes home greeted by a smile, encouraged to take off his shoes, to sit on a pillow arranged on the floor for him and served a delicious meal and I'll show you a man who lives in a Japanese restaurant!"

You don't have to turn your house into a Japanese restaurant in order to help your home be Picture Perfect. Wives, if you will respect your husband by voluntarily submitting to his leadership the same way that God the Son submitted to His Father's leadership then God will be gloried and you, your husband and your children will be richly blessed.