When a sixteen-year-old stays out all night drinking, then drives home, a father disciplines him with grounding. When a student cuts class, is late with papers, and turns in inferior work, a college professor disciplines him with failing marks. When an employee is lazy and is caught pilfering company goods, his boss disciplines him by firing him. At the businessman's club a member who skips meetings and refuses to join in service projects is disciplined by dismissal from club membership.

A church member having an adulterous affair - what happens? Nothing. A church member who has not attended worship in six months and has no legitimate excuse except a busy social schedule - what happens? Nothing. A pastor, hard-working and faithful, yet being slandered by a mean-spirited and disgruntled church member - what happens? Absolutely nothing. Indeed!

Living together above
With the saints that we love,
O, that will be glory!

Living together below
With the saints that we know,
That's a different story!

Why Not?

The question is, why does the church refuse to provide discipline for her members? One reason is that we are ignorant of what the scriptures say, verses like the text in Matthew 18:15-20. We either do not know the verse, or we pass over it in unbelief.

There are other reasons, like bad incidents in history: the Spanish Inquisition, the Salem Witch Trials, the Crusades ... and more.

When I was a young pastor in Virginia, I read the minutes of the elders for the past 100 years, and there was an attempt at church discipline. It seems that in the 1920s a church member was selling "moonshine" liquor. The elders accused him of "putting temptation to the lips of his neighbors." The man refused to quit and left the Presbyterians to join another local church!

We also are afraid to discipline sin in the church because of popular verses that are taken out of context and improperly interpreted. "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone." "Judge not that you may not be judged." Indeed, we surmise, how can a sinner correct a sinner? The result is, there is precious little discipline in the typical church today. People do as they please. Folks can get away with anything, and we have an unholy anarchy of gossip, sexual immorality, inattendance, false teaching, and lies. None of this glorifies Jesus Christ! So, how is it that we can find the proper application of church discipline? Several points made in the text can aid us.

Learn To Hate Sin

First we must learn to hate sin as God does. The text mentions someone who "sins against you." It is like the madman who entered the Vatican in the 1970s, took a sledgehammer, and began to strike Michelangelo's Pieta. Sin is to deface God's will. It is to destroy the works of his creation by disobedience. Lies, slander, theft, greed, murder, and more of our behavior accomplishes this quite nicely.

And we smile about it.

My! My! How light an attitude we have toward sin today. Why, it is no longer betraying the wife of one's youth by breaking covenant vows of matrimony, it is but a discreet divorce. It is no longer ruinous adultery and lust, it is a dalliance, a mere trifling affair.

Yes, it is to us in our slackness. But read Psalm 5:4-6. "For thou art not a God who delights in wickedness; evil may not sojourn with thee. The boastful may not stand before thy eyes; thou hatest all evildoers. Thou destroyeth those who speak lies; the Lord abhors bloodthirsty and deceitful men."

Clearly God takes sins - big and small - seriously. If you do not believe me, just look at the cross! So, too, we must learn to hate sin in our own lives and in others.

Avoid Nitpicking

The next step in church discipline is to avoid negativity, to avoid walking into a room and focusing on what's wrong while passing over so much that is right. Twice Matthew 18:15-20 uses the word brother. We are not to pull specks out of other's eyes (Matthew 7:3). We are to "forebear one another in love" (Philip-pians 2:3).

Like a well-waxed car in the rain, water falls on the hood and quickly glides away. So with us when we live in God's mercy at peace, we are prepared to allow the little bumps and scrapes of sin against us to go without notice. Simply put, "Love is not touchy" (1 Corinthians 13). "Love covers a multitude of sins" (1 Peter 4:8).

Face To Face

For sins that cannot be overlooked, that are particularly bothersome, Matthew 18 says to go to your brother face-to-face. Involve as few people as possible. Make a private appointment. Pick a convenient time when your fellow is not hungry or stressed out and pushed for time. Go humbly, and say, "I could be wrong. I'm willing to listen. What happened between us the other day hurts me, and I'd like to talk it over." Then come out with your grievance.

The Bible says that if your brother listens to you, then you've gained your brother. "Oh, I am so sorry. I did not realize. Do forgive me. I'd never want to hurt you!"

Other times the tack might be similar, but tapered to the need. "I just want you to know privately, the word is out you are having an affair. If it's true, we need to talk. If it is not true, we need to look to your reputation."

To The Elders

What happens though, when your brother dismisses you coldly? When your attempts are rebuffed? When you are told to get out of their face?

Then you widen the circle. More responsible people are brought into the conflict. Go to the elders, the text says. Lay your grievances before them, and ask them for help.

The elders then are to call the quarreling parties together and arbitrate the matter. Hopefully, both sides will listen to reason and the matter can be settled.

I recall a family building a house with a contractor. Matters went poorly. Money was involved, and they couldn't settle it between them. The elders were called in, a solution was found to everyone's agreement and relationships were maintained.

Church Discipline

But again, what if matters still aren't resolved? What if the elders' advice is disavowed? Then church discipline must be invoked.

It is never issued by one elder, or by a pastor. The text says the elders (plural) are to do it.

The mildest censure is a simple admonishing or rebuke. "John, how can a man of your stature allow this issue to fester?" So much in the church can be settled with a look, a private word with someone, a warning, and such.

These failing, however, the elders may issue, after some time of patience and prayer, a suspension. This is a public or private ban on the offender's right to vote, to serve, to give, and to receive communion.

The offender, still failing to repent and follow the course of reconciliation, is finally excommunicated. This does not mean the person is no longer saved; it simply means he is unwelcome in the church until he heeds the elder's discipline.

We once had a young man selling heroine in the parish. We strove with him for ten months - warning, later suspending, and as a last resort, publicly telling the church why he was no longer on our rolls or welcome in our midst until he repented.

It took six years, so much prayer, and a pile of hurt. But he came back, asking for help and to be restored.

Be assured! The purpose of such church discipline is never to destroy, but to heal. By disciplining one another we are to honor Jesus Christ. We are to restore what was lost. We are to maintain a higher level of purity. And we are by so doing to discourage others from sinning.

Conclusion

In my study, I have two rocks. One is from a field at Gettysburg battlefield. It is rough and ugly. The other is from a river where it empties into the sea. It is smoothly polished and lovely. One tumbled with other stones in the river and so got its rough edges knocked off. The other lay alone in a field uninvolved with others.

As Christians, we are called in Matthew 18 to our brothers, to fellowship, to interaction, to speaking the truth in love, to accountability. When we obey, our lives grow, the rough edges on us all are smoothed and polished until we become like Jesus himself!

Suggested Prayer: Lord, help me to value relationships. Amen. Stephen M. Crotts