A brand new pastor, fresh out of seminary, was preaching his first sermon in his first church. In seminary he had been taught to repeat his text numerous times for emphasis, and to pound on the pulpit occasionally. His text happened to be that promise of our Lord: "Behold I come quickly." At the beginning of the sermon he slammed the pulpit rather smartly and declared, "Behold I come quickly." Then about five minutes into the sermon he did the same thing. About ten minutes into the sermon he did it again. And then as he was winding it all up, he repeated that text again-- "Behold I come quickly" and slammed his fist against the pulpit.

In fact, he hit it a little too hard. The pulpit toppled over and the preacher fell with it. He found himself in the soft lap of an upper middle-aged, motherly type of saint. The preacher began apologizing profusely, but she cut in and said, "Forget it, son. I should have been expecting you. You warned me four times you were coming."