The statistics abound and the statistics are not good:
One of the chief predictors of youth crime is the role of the father in the home. Seventy percent of adolescents charged with murder and seventy percent of long-term prison inmates are from fatherless homes.
Children who live absent their biological father are at least two to three times more likely to be poor, use drugs, be victims of child abuse and to engage in criminal behavior.
Twenty-four million children live absent their biological fathers and forty percent of those children have not seen their father at all during the past year. [1]
And another statistic: Americans today know more about the Simpsons than they do the first amendment. Only 28% of Americans are able to name more than one of the five freedoms granted by the first amendment, but almost twice as many…52%....can name at least two members of the Simpson family. [2]
It's all about Bart and Homer, fathers and sons.
There is a whole cottage industry of websites, articles and major books on the philosophy, theology and sociology of the Simpson household. One of those authors, Mark Conard, says that for all its excesses, "The Simpsons celebrate the nuclear family as an institution, which for television is no small accomplishment." [3]
You know the stories. Bart cut off the head of the statue of the town's founding father, Jebediah Springfield. He burned down the family Christmas tree. He cheated on the IQ test. In his book, Conard writes: "Bart Simpson isn't some lovable little scamp who always seems to find himself in trouble. He's a wise-cracking delinquent, a bad boy in bright blue pants, a spoiler, one of Satan's minions." [3]
And what about Homer?
In The Simpsons, clearly Father does not always know best. As Marge says, his best quality is his "in-your-face humanity." Bart is a brat and Homer is horrendous, but no one can question the fact that the Simpson household has become a major icon. And in the end, there is no question about their commitment to each other. Together they are family and they are likely to remain one. They are Bart and Homer, father and son.
And in a strange way, that brings us to the biblical narrative.
The Bible is very honest about its dysfunctional families. The very first family in the Bible, that of Adam and Eve, struggled with spousal betrayal and the first case of sibling rivalry and family violence in the biblical narrative and the human story. Noah and his family survived the flood, but the joy was muted with alcohol abuse and conflict with his sons. Even good old Father Abraham argued with his brother, lied about his wife and had to deal with the jealousy of his sons throughout the succeeding generations. And certainly one of the most dramatic father/son relationships is that of King Saul, Jonathan, and his adopted son, David.
Today's reading shares a turning point in the tragic journey.
It's a story of the deep love and abiding friendship between Jonathan and David. It's a story of seething jealousy and threatening rivalry between Saul and David, the one who would be king. It's a story of loyalty and devotion mixed with hatred and family violence. It's a story of the all-too-frequent struggle between Adam and Abel, Saul and David, Homer and Bart, father and son.
1. FIRST, KING SAUL, THE FATHER
Let's be honest. If Homer is the classic dysfunctional American father, King Saul has him beat in spades. He is a larger than life, Shakespearian figure with a kind of Nixonian paranoia which drove him to deceit, vengeance and violence. Poor King Saul...
so concerned about protecting his own power and authority
so committed to his own career and pride
so centered in himself
that he threatens the life of David and drives his own son, Jonathan, away. The resulting tension spirals into a national conflict in which Jonathan dies. He ends up destroying the people he loved most and his own life ends in tragedy.
It all comes to the tipping point in Chapter 18. David has returned from battle with great success. Saul should have been proud, but instead he was seething with jealousy. Samuel records: "Saul raved within his house while David was playing the lyre…and Saul cast his spear at David, for he thought, ‘I will pin David to the wall.'" (I Samuel 18:10-11)
And unfortunately, King Saul is still with us.
Tell me…how long are we going to tolerate violence against our children in this world? How long will we put up with handguns in the homes and AK-47s on the streets? How long will we allow Saul's bitter spears of child abuse and child neglect, hunger and homelessness, poor education and inadequate health care to "pin our children to the wall"? How long will we tolerate the violence of King Saul against all of our children?
Just this morning in the Free Press, our School Superintendent, John Hoffler, commenting on the death of one of our children, asked the same question: "One of our children has died and she thought drugs was the way to go. How could we let a child grow up in our midst and believe that?" [4]
King Saul's story is a sad tale, sure enough. He is a King Lear who never does understand. And like Shakespeare's play, his story ends with the stage littered with the bodies of those who have suffered and died.
By contrast, today, I want to honor fathers…
Not just birth fathers but all the men, brothers, uncles, grandfathers, Sunday school teachers, mentors, youth workers, friends — men who become "fathers in the faith" for our children. I celebrate men who give of themselves for our children through Sunday School and VBS (when I was growing up, it was all women), youth programs, Boy Scouts, co-op nursery school, stay-at-home dads. I want to celebrate men who are willing to be positive role models for all of our sons; men who are willing to be vulnerable, loving and trustworthy; men who are willing to model the spirit of Christ.
A couple years ago, Mitch Albom wrote a Father's Day article in honor of his father, "A Toast for the World's Regular Dads." He says his father was never on 60 Minutes, never interviewed by Barbara Walters, but this is what his father did:
He set an example. He was there. He was involved. He worked hard. He came home at night. He held us when we cried. He scolded us and molded us. He always made us feel that if danger came, he would sacrifice his life for us.
Today is Father's Day. Here's to the dads who teach their children what a father should be by behaving like one. [5]
Fathers in the faith. Men who model the spirit of Christ and who invest themselves in our children. Fathers….
2.…AND SONS, JONATHAN AND DAVID.
Part of the tragedy of the King Saul story is that David and Jonathan had so much to teach him and King Saul missed it. David and Jonathan understood friendship. They knew what it meant to trust and to be trustworthy, to care and to communicate, to love and to laugh together. If only King Saul could have learned from his sons, how different their story might have been. If only we could learn from our sons. Listen to the way the writer describes the friendship of David and Jonathan. Quite frankly, it's passionate enough that in our homophobic culture where we are so suspicious of male friendships, it can make us a bit uncomfortable:
18:3-4 — Jonathan made covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul.
19:1 — Jonathan took great delight in David.
And near the end, when they meet for the last time, the book says:
They kissed each other and wept with each other. David wept the more. Then Jonathan said, "Go in peace, since both of us have sworn in the name of the Lord, saying ‘The Lord shall be between me and you forever.'" (I Samuel 20:41-42)
Several years ago, my brother wrote a book on male spirituality called Passion, Power and Praise. In it he quotes Sam Keen's classic book on men, Fire in the Belly, where Keen says one of our most basic problems is not "..our lust for power, our insatiable hunger for gadgets, or our habit of repressing women and the poor." Rather, he said, it is our lack of joy. He writes: "Most of the men I know are decent, serious and hard-working, and would like to make the world a better place. What they are not is juicy, sensual and fun." [6]
And I have to say, when I look back on my up-bringing, and all too often even my own life, I think he is right. My dad was part of the Greatest Generation…and they really are the greatest generation the world has ever seen. He came back from the Second World War intent on rebuilding the world and birthing twins. His generation accomplished the first, and he did the second on his own. With it came a stoic, serious earnestness born out of what they had seen and experienced around the war-torn world, combined, I suppose, with our sturdy Pennsylvania Dutch (German) roots. This week my brother, who evidently is also including Dad in his sermon this morning, asked me for one word to describe him, and the word that came to mind was "dedicated."
dedicated to his work
dedicated to his family, his wife, his sons, his father and even his wayward brother
dedicated to his faith and church
What did not come to mind were Sam Keen's words: juicy, sensual, fun…passionate, joy-filled, exuberant.
When I was growing up, I think I always knew my Dad loved me. But I keenly remember the day when, as a young adult first-time pastor and first-time father, we were dealing with the biggest disagreement we had ever faced. And when it was over, I said "Dad, I love you." He responded, "Oh, I know that." And I answered, "Yes, but I need to say it." It wasn't long after that he was diagnosed with the cancer that would soon end his life. In those last years he was able to tell us, more than once, that he loved us, in a way he never had before.
And I decided then and there that I would not wait until I was dying to tell my sons, and now, my grandson, that I loved them.
I want them to know not just that I love them. I want them to know that I love them passionately. And I am not going to wait until I am dying to tell my new grandson, Ethan, that I love him. I want him to know that I love him with all that I've got. And I want him to know it now.
If only Saul could have learned from David and Jonathan. If only we could learn from our sons:
to laugh like a child
to show and share love
to discover the kingdom of God in our relationships
In a world that knows more about Bart and Homer than basic freedoms; in a world where the spears of violence still "pin our children to the wall;" in a world where King Saul seems to reign, give thanks for Jonathan and David. Give thanks for the men who know how to love.
I ended the sermon by saying it really has about three endings, but I chose the most personal one. I stepped out of the pulpit and expressed how much I love this church, this role, this work; how much I love this office of ordained ministry. But then, taking off my pulpit robe, I said that I want the church to know that no matter how much I love this job, there is one role that means more to me than this…my love for my sons. And I hope we will model that kind of love for all of our children, all of God's children, all the children of the world.
Note: My brother's book mentioned in the sermon is entitled Passion Power and Praise: A Model for Men's Spirituality from the Life of David, published by Abingdon and available through our "virtual bookstore" on the website www.fumcbirmingham.org.
1. Poynter Online-Friday Edition, 6/16/2006
2. McCormick Tribune Freedom Museum, Chicago, March 1, 2006, www.mccormicktribune.org
3. The Simpsons and Philosophy, Page 163, 159
4. Detroit Free Press, June 18, 2006
5. Detroit Free Press, June 17, 2001
6. Fire in the Belly, Page 171