It was a church women's conference. In a workshop which focused on conflict resolution, the leader asked participants to take part in an exercise. Her purpose was to demonstrate that many times people do not present what is really concerning them, they rather come forth with a blanket statement that is so broad it cannot be dealt with. Conferees were to break into "twos"; then, one would present something with which they had a problem - something that upset them. The other half of the couple was then to respond, "That's your problem, but what is your real concern."

Pam Laing was paired with a good friend of hers who immediately offered to state a problem. She was working as a layperson in a church, with the responsibility of family programming. She said she gets really upset when people s…