From Antagonists in the Church: How to Identify and Deal With Destructive Conflict

Definition of an antagonist: Someone who on the basis of non-substantive evidence, goes out of their way to make insatiable demands, usually attacking the person or performance of others; these attacks are selfish in nature, tear down rather than build up, and are frequently directed against leadership.

Kinds of antagonists: Hard core (usually irrational, unreasonable) and Major antagonist (possible to reason with them, but they will not be reasoned with).

Identifying Antagonists

1. Is his/her behavior disruptive?
2. Is the attack irrational?
3. Does he/she go out of h/h way to initiate trouble?
4. Does h/s make insatiable demands?
5. Are h/h concerns minimal or fabricated?
6. Does h/s avoid causes that involve personal risk/suffering/sacrifice?
7. Does h/h motivation appear selfish?

Red Flags To Watch For:

1. Previous track record
2. Parallel track record (antagonist at work, school, club, etc.)
3. Nameless others: "At least 24 others feel this same way."
4. Criticism of predecessor
5. Instant buddy
6. Gushing praise
7. "I Gotcha!" Asks leading questions, tries to trap you.
8. Extraordinary likeability
9. Church hopper
10. Liar
11. Uses aggressive means: extreme, combative, unethical
12. Flashes $$$
13. Takes notes at inappropriate times
14. Sarcasm, cutting language
15. Different drummer, always doing things their own way
16. A pest incessant phone calls, questions, etc.
17. The "cause"

Early Warning Signs:

1. Chill in the relationship
2. Honeyed "concerns" "Dear pastor, I have a concern about ..." may mean "I'm angry!!"
3. Nettlesome questions
4. Mobilizing forces, pot stirring
5. Meddling in others' responsibilities
6. Resistance

Later Warning Signs:

1. Sloganeering
2. Accusing
3. Spying
4. Distorting
5. Misquoting scripture
6. "Judas kissing" "I'm your friend, but I have to say..."
7. Smirking
8. Letter writing (don't respond with a lengthy, reasoned answer)
9. Pretense
10. Lobbying

Preventing Antagonism:

1. Follow established policies
2. Functional feedback channels
3. Job descriptions
4. Broad base of responsibility
5. Discipline that works
6. Anticipatory socialization let people know plans
7. United front within leadership

Relating To Dormant Antagonists:

1. Act professionally
2. Keep your distance
3. Be accurate, don't guess, estimate
4. Avoid excessive positive reinforcement
5. Tighten the reins
6. Don't seek sympathy from others
7. Don't form a committee to look into accusations, this only appears to give credibility to their charges
8. Don't call for a vote of confidence