This is a story I tell from time to time at weddings. It's based on a Moroccan folktale.[1]
Once upon a time there was a much beloved king who was so rich that he measured his wealth in bushel baskets. Sadly, his wealth did not prevent him from contracting a fatal illness and in time the man lay on his deathbed. He called his only son to his side and said, "Son, you are all I have left. Your mother is gone, you have no brothers or sisters, and so in a short time you will become king. Besides my hope that you will rule our people with kindness and love, I need you to promise me one thing."
"Anything Father," the son said.
"After I am gone, and you become king there will come a time when you will want to marry. At that time I want you to promise me that you will ask your very best friend in all the world to go throughout the kingdom and even the entire world if necessary in order to find the woman that God intends for you to marry. Will you promise me?"
"Yes, father. When the time comes I will ask my best friend to find for me the woman that God intends for me to marry."
Soon after the king died and the son assumed the throne. Though he was still quite young he was found to be a strong and capable leader. Though he was not loved by all, for no leader is, still he loved everyone and treated them with the same kindness and mercy that his father had shown them. Time passed and the young king in his twenties decided it was time to marry. He called his best friend to his side and asked him to search for the woman that God intended for him to marry.
In a short time word came back to the castle that the friend had found the woman that God intended for the king to marry and wedding preparations began. The friend brought the young woman to the bridal chamber. A heavy stone was placed at the door so that it could open only a little bit, not enough to admit the king. It was there as a test. If the young king could move the stone aside then this woman was the one that God intended for him. If he could not move the stone, then, sadly, she was not. When the king was told of her beauty, how upright and caring she was, he hurried up the stairs to the bridal chamber to sneak a peek!
Inside he saw the most stunning woman he had ever seen in his life. She was lovely, dressed in a gown, her hair braided and woven around her head. Quietly she hummed a tune that seemed familiar to him but he could not remember why. She was lighting the candles on a candelabra and as she gracefully turned toward the door as she finished there is no other modern word to describe the king's feelings: he was smitten. Clearly she would be a suitable companion, his friend had succeeded, and she was the woman that God intended for him to marry. So he bent down and began to push against the stone. He pushed. He shoved. He grunted and groaned, but sadly, the stone would not move. This woman was not to be his wife; she was not the person that God intended for him to marry. Word went out and the wedding preparations were put on hold.
The best friend began his quest anew and within a few days another potential bride was found. She too was reported to be beautiful. A woman of fine character and of spotless reputation. With great joy wedding preparations resumed. She was brought to the bridal chamber and once again, a stone was rolled against the door. The young king dashed up the stairs to see his new bride. Through the crack in the door he saw an exotic woman. Her hair was teased, woven with ribbons and jewels and piled upon her head. Her clothes were the silks of a dancer. Throughout the room there were burning candles and incense. As she began to gently dance, tapping her foot, the tiny bells on her ankle jingled. She too began to hum a tune that was familiar to the man as she danced the age-old dance of a woman before a man. As their eyes met, passion filled his heart to make this woman his lover and bride. He thought to himself that his friend had outdone himself this time. So he leaned against the stone. He pushed and pulled but the stone would not move. Again he grunted and groaned but no, the stone would not budge. It became clear to him that this was not the woman that God intended for him. That did not, however, keep him from taking one more look at this exotic and beautiful woman!
Again the search resumed. It was a few weeks later when the best friend announced the she had been found and secretly brought to the bridal chambers, the door again secured with the stone.
Wedding preparations were nearly complete. This time the young king did not approach the bridal chamber quite so eagerly. He stood there, eyed the stubborn stone and peeked inside. There he saw a simple maiden, a woman from the village dressed as a peasant, her long hair cascading onto her shoulders. She was sitting in a rocking chair, next to a table with a single candle, a quilt on her lap. As she sewed she began to sing a song, that song, a song so familiar. He remembered it from his childhood. He also began to remember her, running through fields, flowers in hand, climbing trees, sharing their dreams with each other. Truly this was a friend whom God intended for him to marry. He stepped back, looked warily at the obstinate stone, put his hands to the task and pushed, and struggled, and grunted and groaned... but it would not move. The woman continued to sing, and rock, and sew.
Suddenly he realized that the tune she was singing was the same one that the first woman had hummed, and the second had danced to. All three were the same woman; she would be his companion, his lover, and his friend. If only the stupid stone would move! He pushed harder.
Nothing. He was about to give up when he heard a voice, her voice, through the crack in the door, "Here, let me help you move the stone." She reached through the crack, they put their hands together and the stone moved easily aside. The bells rang; the celebration began, the couple married, for the king had found the woman that God intended for him. And she had found the man that God intended for her as well.
At this point, at weddings I stop and ask the congregation how this story should end. If I say to them: And the king and his bride lived... the congregation always responds with, happily ever after. And I say, No. You know better. You all know that in the midst of life there are always stones placed in our paths and one of the wonders of marriage is that there are now two people to put their hands and their shoulders and their hearts to these stones to move them out of the way. And since the congregation has promised to do all in their power to support this couple on their journey, I remind them of their responsibility to be there when the stones get too big, or too frequent, and help move them out of the way.
This week, when you think of this story, tell it to yourself in order to work your way back to this one simple point. Jesus is responding to a question that is based on a law in the book of Deuteronomy that states that a man can write a certificate of divorce if the woman he marries does not please him. I think Jesus is saying to them and to us in the gospel, in his very clear way, that marriage is not something, as our prayer book states, to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly. It is not something that you walk away from if your partner does not please you. He is saying that there will be struggles and hardships in any relationship, but that the couple must work together to overcome them, and if that fails, to call upon the community to lend a hand, to help them do what they could not do alone; the vows made in marriage are to be kept as far as it is humanly possible. Dissolving those promises should be only done as a last resort, after all attempts to move the obstacles aside have been made by the couple with the help of the community. May all couples everywhere have the grace and perseverance to keep the promises they made today, tomorrow, and forever and ever. Amen.
1. This story is based on a Moroccan folktale as told by Elrbarry at the wedding of his daughter. www.eldrbarry.net/marriage/stondoor.htm.